“It almost cost me my children. Everything was crashing down on me. I became suicidal,” Leah Messer said about her past addiction to pain medication.

Reality television star Leah Messer spoke candidly about her past addiction to prescription drugs on an episode of her podcast.

During a November 14 episode of her Life Reboot series, the Teen Mom 2 personality said that she understood “how it feels to become dependent on anything given by doctors,” and discussed how a botched epidural given during the birth of her second child led to a dependency on pain medication, which her ex-husband, Jeremy Calvert, said she received from her father, who was himself struggling with addiction.

Messer, who also discussed a battle with depression that left her feeling suicidal in 2015, declared herself “in a much better place now” and feeling no shame for her past struggle.

On the podcast, Messer said that while preparing to deliver her daughter, Adalynn, in 2013, she was given multiple injections during the epidural. “I couldn’t, like, feel my body,” she said. “I couldn’t get up and they just put me on morphine. I kept telling Jeremy, ‘Something’s not right.”

Messer claimed that the hospital kept her for observation over the course of seven days, but never determined what the cause of her physical condition. She was eventually sent home with “three different drugs.” Calvert, who was a guest on the podcast, said that the post-hospital experience was “a nightmare.”

“It was hell,” he explained. “She couldn’t move out of bed… it was just a messed up situation… and she was in pain.”

Things became much worse when Messer’s father, who was himself addicted to pain medication and living with the couple, gave her pain medication. “It was easily available [to her] with him living in our basement.”

Messer said that by this point, she was already dependent on pain meds. “Then they put me on Diazepam (the generic form of Valium), and it had me nodding off. I didn’t even know what it was!”

Despite her struggle, Messer denied claims that she was struggling with dependency and depression. But in a 2018 episode of her podcast, she admitted that this period in her life was among her most difficult.

“I wasn’t in the greatest place mentally, and then it was affecting me physically,” she said. “It almost cost me my children. Everything was crashing down on me. I became suicidal.”

Messer would go on to complete a 30-day treatment program for depression and anxiety in 2015 and declared herself “in a much better place now.” She is also reluctant to give her children any prescription medication.

“We do the numbing gel (for pain) and that’s it,” she said. “I don’t want them to become dependent on or even go through that. I do know how it feels to become dependent on anything given by doctors.”

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