Answer Addiction

Tag: aa higher power

  • Staying Sober Through a Cancer Diagnosis and Treatment: My Story

    Staying Sober Through a Cancer Diagnosis and Treatment: My Story

    Two incredibly painful paths have made my life better: a design for living from the program, and a new reverence for life from cancer. Both brought me closer to my higher power.

    Clean Sheets, Healthy Food, and a Loving Relationship

    A little over nine years ago, I was working on my 3rd step when my sponsor asked me to share what it would look like if my life were restored to sanity. I said I would have fresh clean sheets, clean clothes, plenty of socks and underwear, food in the fridge, and a loving relationship. She said to me (and I remember this so clearly):

    “You can have all that if you want it and God wants that for you.” Okay, the last part of the sentence is less clear, but it feels right — that God wants me to have clean sheets, clothes, healthy food, and a loving relationship. It seemed impossible to have any of that at the time, even being sober. I was a mess and still couldn’t shower regularly, wash my (small amount) of clothing consistently, and I was in no place to be in a relationship. I was barely six months sober and still detoxing. I certainly didn’t have any tools in place. 

    A Design for Living and a New Reverence for Life

    Today my life is so different and it happened just like the program says it will when people wish us a “long, slow recovery.” Slowly, as I worked the program, went to meetings, and did the steps, my life changed. The pain led me to surrender and then to a better life. And shockingly, as I make it to the other side of cancer and cancer treatment, I’m realizing that my life got better from cancer as well.

    Two incredibly painful paths have made my life better: a design for living from the program, and a new reverence for life from cancer. Both brought me closer to my higher power. 

    This morning I got up and did what I always do: I prayed and meditated, read from my books, and drank the coffee my sweet, patient partner makes for me every morning. I finished packing for my trip this weekend and took a shower, put on clean clothes, and got some healthy snacks together. I’m going to Iowa to be with my family for the funeral of my beautiful Aunt Jody, who passed away on Tuesday. She died from lung cancer after a short but courageous battle. She is at peace now, and I am grateful that I can be present and be of service to my family. 

    My aunt’s passing from cancer hit me hard because I just finished cancer treatment five months ago. It’s terrifying that cancer took someone’s life in my family so quickly. Jody was a beautiful, bright, passionate, loving woman. Hopefully I can help lighten the load on my family a little. My mother always appreciates me making her laugh. I can’t imagine the grief she’s feeling after losing her baby sister.

    Recovery, Comedy, and Cancer

    As a breast cancer survivor, I had the opportunity recently to speak at The Pink Agendas 2019 Health & Wellness Educational Symposium at The Sheen Center for Culture & Thought in New York City. The organizers asked me to share my story and it was super challenging because of… me. It should have been a simple request: share my story. They said they knew I was a comedian and that they wanted to close the show with me to help lighten the mood of the evening. The event was a panel of doctors, nutritionists, and survivors; a fundraiser to help aid research for a breast cancer.

    But this is what I heard: “Hi, we want you to share your story at our fundraiser, please sound like a doctor, and by the way the entire possibility of finding a cure for breast cancer lies on your shoulders. Please don’t hurt anyone’s feelings about their cancer and, also, you must look very, VERY professional and have a PowerPoint presentation as well. Good luck, we’re all counting on you.” I drove myself and my poor guy crazy getting ready for this. My sweet brother who has a PhD helped me to edit my speech but I could not memorize it. I memorize stuff all the time, but I couldn’t get this in my head. Finally, my sponsor said that she was pretty sure they just wanted me to speak from my heart. Then my partner told me to add some of my jokes that I use in my standup act about my cancer. 

    So, I just got up there and did that. It was a little messy, but I spoke from my heart, told my story, and expressed my gratitude for the treatment I received and for fundraisers like this that help support the research to find the treatments. It was emotional, my aunt had just died from cancer and a dear friend was going in for breast cancer surgery the next morning.

    I feel I have a responsibility as a cancer survivor now, to share my story and my hope. Similar to what we do in the program.

    My aunt was a woman of grace and dignity and I aim to be half the woman she was. She always told me how proud she was of me for being sober (she also told me I needed to do sit-ups before I could find a husband!). Two hours after I landed in Iowa for her funeral, I went to a meeting. It was an open GBLT meeting and one of my sisters came with me. And they did what AA does all over the world, met me and my sister with open arms. They read The Promises at the end and I realized that the promises really are coming true for me. 

    Surrender and Gratitude

    I have a beautiful life. I am alive, and I made it through something that I never thought I could: cancer and cancer treatment, and I stayed sober. I have the program and all the people in it to thank for that. I was held up, I was loved, I didn’t have to do it alone. I surrendered to alcoholism and was finally able to get sober. I surrendered to cancer and was lucky enough to make it out alive. Hopefully I can remember each day that it is only one day at a time and that each day is a new opportunity to live well. 

    If you had told me ten years ago that I would get sober and that my life would change in completely unexpected ways I wouldn’t have believed it. If you told me that I would also get cancer and after 14 months of treatment my life would improve two-fold I wouldn’t have believed you and I probably would have gotten drunk over it. 

    I don’t share or talk about the program or my sobriety very much because it makes people uncomfortable and I try to honor the AA traditions. However, I can talk about breast cancer publicly and help raise awareness about the importance of early detection through screenings. So, I now have these two pillars helping to hold up my life now: sobriety and cancer. Here at The Fix I can express how much I need this program to survive and I don’t know how I could have gotten through cancer without it.

    Someone said to me from a different fellowship that it was no surprise that God got me sober before I found out I had cancer. I am so profoundly grateful that he did. I have learned to trust my higher power on a much, much deeper level. Now, one day at a time I will continue to practice that 3rd step, put on clean socks (and maybe do some sit-ups).

    View the original article at thefix.com

  • Religion, Secularism, and Spirituality – How Modern AA Gets It Wrong

    Religion, Secularism, and Spirituality – How Modern AA Gets It Wrong

    AA’s founders did not intend for AA to be religious, and unlike many modern-day members, they embraced a broad view of a Higher Power.

    The role of a Higher Power (hereinafter, HP) looms large in today’s recovery landscape. AA adopts it as the centerpiece of its program. Rehabs that adopt the 12 steps as a major part of their treatment protocol do, as well. Even secular groups such as SMART don’t discourage their members from prayer or spiritual belief.

    AA’s Founders: Higher Power Should Transcend Religion

    But to equate religion with HP would be disingenuous and simplistic. AA’s founders intentionally chose the term “HP” because it transcends religion, while encompassing some of its aspects such as spiritual beliefs, meditation and mindfulness.

    In a 1961 letter to Bill Wilson, Carl Jung wrote Spiritus Contra Spiritum which, roughly translated, means: Alcohol addiction can be fought with spirituality. Further, in the same letter, Jung says: “You might be led to that goal by an act of grace or through a personal and honest contact with friends, or through a higher education of the mind beyond the confines of mere rationalism.” You can see that Jung clearly leaves room for a secular path to recovery (namely: fellowship of friends, knowledge).

    What is really striking about Jung’s observation is that it clearly states that an addict is not limited to just a religious/spiritual HP. Not only does Jung allow for non-religious HP, he sees no need to pit the religious against the non-religious, offering the possibility of a symbiotic relationship between them. Bill Wilson seems to agree with Jung on this matter. And while people may point out that in later chapters of the Big Book, Bill speaks of God, it is clear that “God” is simply what Bill chooses to call his HP.

    The Big Book overtly allows for secular approaches to recovery and never flat-out (unlike modern-day AA and its copycats) rejects alternative views. Again, the founders chose to call their HPs God, yet Wilson understood and shared Jung’s thoughts on the matter.

    Many Modern Meetings Equate Higher Power with God

    This is not, however, what modern-day AA is about. In many meetings the newcomer is taught that the 12 steps are Gospel and HP is God (hence, the incessant recitation of the Lord’s Prayer). Yet half of the original fellowship was cut from agnostic cloth, according to Wilson himself (and including himself). Had they all been religious zealots, there never would have been the need for AA in the first place. The Oxford groups would have soldiered on en masse. The authors go on to say that their understanding of the Spirit is all-inclusive and never exclusive, and this is exactly where modern-day AA went astray from the original meaning of the Big Book.

    What is good for the goose is good for the gander, and if one adopts a broad view of HP (as envisioned by Wilson and supported by Jung), then the following belief should be a fair game.

    The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (hereinafter, CFSM) although widely-known is not an officially recognized religion in the U.S. However, The First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution provides fertile ground for many quasi-religious views, however lighthearted or crazy (which religions are not?), and who is to say that this particular imaginary friend is somehow less credible than any other?

    If someone believes strongly enough, they will tap into whatever force they believe in, whether they are Christians believing in the power of Christ, Wiccans believing in the power of nature and the Goddess (or Goddesses), Atheists believing in the power of their own mind or of science, or Pastafarians believing in the FSM. And let us not forget Jung’s trifecta.

    Yes, some religions make it easier than others. The more developed a set of religious dogmas is, the handier it becomes when tangling with the unknown. Modern-day religions are nuanced clever hoaxes that provide a detailed roadmap to their particular Higher Power to all comers for a small fee (usually a tax-free, labor-free existence plus a little something for the priest).

    AA and other fellowships are not that far behind. Any modern-day 12-step-based program has a religion-based Higher Power front and center. Passing the plate across the aisles is so familiar that it triggers a muscle memory when reaching for the wallet. The elders lead the chorus, the speaker preaches (excuse me, shares) and a religious-like unity bordering on trance ensues.

    Founders Wanted AA to Be Accessible to Believers and Non-Believers

    And while the CFSM is obviously intended to be tongue in cheek, there are some members who take it seriously. And even if others don’t, who is to say that the Pastafari faith is not capable of tapping into their Higher Power in order to heal? Why would it not be in the spiritual tool kit that AA (and by extension all other “A”s) so often references? Why can’t a Flying Spaghetti Monster be as believable as any other man-created deity? After all, they are all equally unprovable and some are even more far-fetched than the Carb-Laden Creator.

    When the founders settled on a Higher Power described as a “God of your understanding,” they were most likely not envisioning a flying spaghetti monster. They weren’t envisioning anything at all. They left that up to each of us to choose. And they intended to leave the door open to anyone with a desire to stop drinking. That includes believers and non-believers, alike.

    View the original article at thefix.com