Answer Addiction

Tag: celebrating sober

  • 5 Tips for Staying Sober at Events Where Everyone Else Is Drinking

    5 Tips for Staying Sober at Events Where Everyone Else Is Drinking

    You don’t have to miss out on all the fun, just the part you thought was fun but always ended in trouble.

    Summer is well under way! Everyone wants to be a part of grilling out, parties, concerts, and outings with friends. Often these events include alcohol use. Fear of missing out (FOMO) is a real feeling people struggle with in sobriety. What will I do with my free time? Will I have to find new activities? Will my friends abandon me on weekends? You won’t lose this fear when you first make the choice to go sober; you might not ever lose it.

    Imagine any of the following scenarios: 

    – A friend invites you to an open bar bash.

    – Your favorite band is playing as part of a daylong music festival where folks start drinking in the morning.

    – All of your relatives are coming to the traditional drink-till-you-puke Memorial Day pool party. 

    What can you do? I don’t advocate putting yourself in a position where you might compromise your sobriety, such as attending an event like Beerfest, where the focus is solely on drinking. But you can enjoy events that include alcohol while staying sober. You need to prepare appropriately and know your limits during the event to set yourself up for success.

    You can easily fill your calendar with sober events and dry venues. There are various recovery groups and organizations that throw “sober” parties. I’ve been to many and they are as good as the effort you put into having a good time. You can check meetup.com or google sober events in your city to find them.

    I spent the first year of my sobriety quietly healing and feeling bitter that I couldn’t participate in the drunken stupidity I had always been a part of. But I haven’t shied away from events since then. I’ve learned it’s important to do some thinking and planning ahead of the event. Arm yourself and have a strategy – think about who you’ll be with, how you will respond if asked to drink, what you’ll do if you start feeling an urge, and most importantly, how you’ll have your own special fun at the event.

    I recently attended a weekend-long music festival. The venue had alcohol and many people started drinking when they arrived and kept going. I felt urges at times, but they weren’t unexpected. Since I had prepared myself, I knew how to handle them. 

    Here are some specific ways I approached the weekend and similar events since becoming sober five years ago.

    1. Get a Support Person

    Attend the event with someone you trust to look out for you. Perhaps this person is also sober, or perhaps you will be their designated driver. I’ve had many people play this role over the past five years. The common thread is that each person knew I wanted to avoid drinking. I felt accountable to them and they felt accountable to check in with me.

    I had my 17-year-old daughter as my support person for the music festival weekend. She’s aware that I’m sober and have struggled with alcohol abuse. While I didn’t explicitly ask her to support me, I knew I was accountable to her and responsible for her safety. Attending the festival was my gift to her, so her presence was required. Her age restricted her from purchasing alcohol so we were already on the same page on alcohol consumption. 

    2. Have a Line Ready: “I Don’t Drink.”

    There’s nothing actually complicated about telling people you don’t drink, but it might feel complicated. I understand the turmoil you might feel when someone either offers you a drink or asks what you’re drinking. That moment feels like you have a spotlight shining on you while the crowd breathlessly awaits your answer. You need an automatic way you can refuse the offer, a canned response you can use without thinking. My response is always “I don’t drink.” Nothing complicated, nothing hedging, nothing apologetic. You aren’t wracking your brain for an excuse. You don’t need one. I assure you, anyone worth your time doesn’t care that you aren’t drinking alcohol.

    I stood in the same line to get my seltzer at the festival as the people getting their beer and liquor. Plenty of already lubricated people offered to buy me a beer. “No thanks, I don’t drink.” That’s all it took.

    3. Get a Drink – Something Without Alcohol

    I love ice cold club soda or seltzer water. I slam these back as fast as the bartender can make them. Add a twist of lime or some grapefruit juice and I’m sipping on something sweet along with everyone else guzzling Long Islands or Gin and Tonics. I don’t feel left out, and you shouldn’t either. I’ve never encountered a judgmental bartender, although I made that a barrier in my mind before I started attending events sober. I was sure the bartender would laugh at me; probably ignore me for future drink requests. Never happened. I still get to tip for service. I still get to relax and sip. 

    You can start with making some mocktails or non-alcoholic drinks at home so you know what you’d like to order. Perhaps you’re a simple cola or lemon-lime soda drinker. That’s fine. I personally don’t recommend non-alcohol beer – I found it makes me crave the real thing, which is dangerous when it’s available. Experimenting at home will give you a feel for the taste and action of drinking various non-alcoholic options, but in a safer setting.

    Sometimes sipping club soda or coke without rum leads to stressful conversations with drunk people as the night wears on. I’ve had countless conversations with people about why I’m drinking “Perry Air (Perrier)” and why I don’t choose something alcoholic. I do my best to not act offended on the outside even though I am offended on the inside. No one needs to know what the fuck I’m drinking. But it’s not the time or place to set the person straight. I look at this as a misery loves company situation: Someone gets drunk enough and realizes how miserable they are, so they want to spread the cheer. Fuck them and walk away. (See the next suggestion.)

    I was pleased that I didn’t encounter anyone trashed at the music festival. I drank my seltzers and relaxed. I’d prepared for the worst, considering the heat and length of the event. I was ready to leave if anything felt too uncomfortable or anyone became confrontational. I avoid trouble when I’m sober.

    4. Remove Yourself from the Situation When Necessary

    You are responsible for your sobriety and the choices you make and you need to be aware of your limits. You will learn which situations intensify your cravings to drink. In the beginning, you might try setting time limits: spend one hour at a bar and then check in with yourself to see if you think you’re okay to stay longer. If you begin feeling overwhelmed, you need to have a plan in place. Your support person should be aware that you will leave an event as soon as you feel uncomfortable or vulnerable.

    I knew I’d have several cravings over the course of the music festival weekend. I had one as soon as I parked and saw people pre-gaming with 24-ounce cans of swill in the parking lot. As badly as I wanted to join them, I knew I couldn’t. I had my daughter next to me. We walked to the nearest gas station and bought a coffee, which helped. I followed that up with some texts to a supportive friend who replied that I was certainly not going to let a temporary craving prevent me from hitting my fifth full year of sobriety. She was right, I wasn’t. The cravings went away and the music played on. The weekend went well.

    5. Treat Yourself

    Here’s a fun one. Focus on giving yourself the best time you can without alcohol. If you’re at a sporting event or concert in the U.S., you are saving at least $8 for each drink you don’t have. Reward yourself. Repurpose some of that money for other tasty treats. Most venues have plenty of tempting snack and meal options, easy replacements for drinks, hangover not included.

    Another strategy is to track what you don’t spend. For example, you went to a concert and didn’t drink five beers. That’s a $40 savings so spend $40 on something to spoil yourself or a gift for someone else. Or spend $20 and save $20. You’ll quickly reach high numbers, while realizing you wasted a terrible amount of money on alcohol.

    I used the money I saved from not purchasing alcohol at the weekend festival to justify buying my daughter additional memorabilia during our trip. Win-win.

    Enjoy Yourself

    I’ve struggled to have fun on more than one occasion. You can lose track of the point of going out when you focus on what you can’t do. I used to imagine there was a spotlight focused on me when I’d order my seltzer with lime, cue sound of record scratching, and then I was done for. I can’t promise you’ll have a great time not drinking while others are, or focusing on staying sober while alcohol is around. But I do know that you can still attend events with alcohol if you come prepared. You don’t have to miss out on all the fun, just the part you thought was fun but always ended in trouble.

    You deserve to be with your friends. You deserve to listen to live music. You deserve to be at family gatherings, and you deserve the respect of yourself and others. You’ve likely overcome mountain-sized challenges already. With some planning and structure in place, you can have the social life you deserve.

    View the original article at thefix.com

  • 4 Quick Tips for Staying Sober and Avoiding FOMO on New Year's Eve

    4 Quick Tips for Staying Sober and Avoiding FOMO on New Year's Eve

    FOMO—Fear Of Missing Out—took enough away from me in my addiction. I spent countless nights wishing I hadn’t gone out or drunk as much as I did. In sobriety, I’ve never regretted not going to the party.

    If there is one thing that describes my addiction, it was the yearning for connection. Ironic, isn’t it? The thing I spent the most time striving for is the thing that I ultimately couldn’t get, even from the substances that I thought were helping me find it.

    As far back as I can remember, I wanted to be popular. In 5th grade I remember the girls who were considered “cool” inviting people to their “boy-girl” party. I patiently waited for an invitation that never came. Then in middle school, my peers started getting boyfriends and girlfriends and slow dancing at school dances, but I was never included. I did everything I could to make it seem like I should be included in these exclusive pastimes, but I never felt like I succeeded… until I started drinking.

    Taking shots, chugging beer, puke and rally; these dangerous drinking habits are what ultimately gave me the street cred I needed to become part of the in crowd. Boys finally found me cool and desirable and girls wanted to be friends with me. This theme followed my entire drinking career. I evolved from a scared child with a couple friends to an outgoing woman with more friend groups than you could count. Keeping up with my new reputation was exhausting, but it’s how I lived throughout my entire time at college.

    When I first heard about FOMO — Fear Of Missing Out — something in me clicked and I realized this was the feeling I always got when I couldn’t stand not being at the party. FOMO was what motivated me to drink every night from Wednesday through Sunday during college. I needed to be at every outing and party because if I wasn’t, I risked my popular, cool-girl reputation. I risked not seeing the drama or hearing the gossip. Just like the acronym-dubbed phenomenon, I was fearful I’d miss something, and I couldn’t let that happen.

    Now that I’m sober, I’ve realized that so many of us former drinkers had an intimate relationship with FOMO. It’s often what drove our drinking. It can also be what drives our return to using, or our obsession with still going to the places and parties we frequented while we were in active addiction. The holidays can be an especially daunting time for FOMO. In particular, New Year’s Eve is known for lavish and booze-filled celebrations. If you’re sober and worried about FOMO creeping in this NYE, here are some tips to help you play it safe.

    1. Plan something new and different. I can’t tell you how satisfying it is to make plans in sobriety. Instead of the same old drunken ball-drop open-bar nightclub or wine-infested awkward house party, you get to decide what your New Year’s plans are and they don’t have to include any of those things. You get to plan something fun, new, and exciting. You could travel to a new place, visit a zoo, volunteer at a homeless shelter, watch fireworks, or host your own alcohol-free party. The point is, the decision is yours and your plans don’t have to be anything like they were during your drinking years. Plan something new and different to look forward to. You could even invite your friends and family to your non-alcohol-centered event and avoid FOMO altogether.

    2. Read up on the concept of romanticizing. Yes, I’m telling you to Google “romanticize.” This is something we occasionally do about our drinking when we’re sober. We often remember the best and more fun parts of our drinking, but not the times it made us feel horrible or our worst hangovers. I’ve also heard these rose-colored memories referred to as “euphoric recall.” It’s good to have an awareness about this extremely common tactic of our mind. Remember the truth! Just because other people are out there binge drinking or going to events with alcohol doesn’t mean you have to. Just because you used to have fun at these types of events doesn’t mean you will in sobriety. Just because society tries to tell us we need alcohol to have fun does not make it true! Trust yourself. Don’t romanticize any substances you’ve tried hard to leave behind.

    3. Give yourself a pep talk. You are one smart person. You know that FOMO is a concept that begins and ends in your mind. It’s a feeling just like any other that will come and then go. If you’re struggling with drinking, I can tell you there is nothing fun to go back to. Drinking again won’t make your NYE any more memorable or special. In reality, you’re unlikely to remember most (or all) of it. You live differently now and it’s time to accept that NYE will be different and that can be a blessing. If you’re staying sober and debating going to a NYE event where the alcohol might overwhelm you, I’m here to tell you that you will not die if you don’t go to this event. Missing one event won’t change your life or the world. You can always get the lowdown from your friends who do go. I promise there’s nothing at that party that’s so wonderful it will make up for how you’ll feel if you end up drinking.

    4. Imagine the future. In the scheme of the entire world, NYE is just one holiday on one day of the year. Of course, it marks the end of 365 days of your life and that’s special, but there are so many other beautiful ways to celebrate a transition of this magnitude. You could make lists and read books and write in your journal and perform a moon ritual! You could go to a yoga retreat or a sober meet-up. It’s not your fault that society has tricked us into believing New Year’s Eve is a drinking holiday where we need to have a champagne toast at midnight. But it is your responsibility to carve out a new path for yourself on NYEs to come. Imagine your future: would you be happy to give up all your hard-earned sobriety for one night? For one party? For one New Year?

    A new year should symbolize growth, bettering yourself, or beginning again. Don’t let FOMO take that away from you.

    FOMO took enough away from me in my addiction. I spent countless nights wishing I hadn’t gone out or drunk as much as I did. In sobriety, I’ve never regretted not going to the party. Every time I think I’m going to miss out on something, I never do. I end up doing something better or more satisfying with my time. I end up missing situations, people, and places that aren’t good for me anyway. I miss out on drama, gossip, and drinking.

    This NYE ditch the FOMO and make sure you aren’t missing out on sobriety.

    View the original article at thefix.com

  • 5 Helpful Tips for Staying Sober During the Holidays

    5 Helpful Tips for Staying Sober During the Holidays

    The truth is that sometimes, the holidays can just be tough. But you don’t have to go in blindly. Follow these basic tips and you can have a wonderful and happy sober holiday season.

    For some people, the holidays are a joyful time that is looked forward to all year long. For others, this isn’t the case. Sometimes the stress of traveling, gift-giving and time with extended family takes a toll and can be daunting – especially, perhaps, for those in recovery from substance use disorder.

    The truth is that sometimes, the holidays can just be tough. But you don’t have to go in blindly.

    This is my sixth holiday season in recovery, and I’ve learned a few things along the way. If you take some time to think through your holiday plans and prepare for possible obstacles you might face, then you are more likely to feel confident about managing your recovery and proud of where you are at the end of the day.

    Here are a few of my favorite tips for surviving the holidays sober.

    1. Be Realistic and Have a Plan.

    There’s nothing worse than heading into a situation with unrealistic expectations and then being disappointed. If you know time with family stresses you out, be prepared to feel that way and don’t let it catch you off guard. Before putting yourself in such a position, think through the possibilities and rehearse your own reactions. If a family member offers you a drink, how will you respond? If you are feeling overwhelmed and craving a drink, what will you do instead? If someone asks you why you aren’t drinking, are you comfortable telling them? If you think through these scenarios before they take place, you can have potential responses prepared and can use them should the scenario become a reality. This makes these situations more manageable and you won’t be blindsided if and when they actually occur.

    1. Take Ownership of the Word “No.”

    Want to know a secret? You’re not required to do anything during the holiday season, no matter what some people may think. If you feel like a certain party or celebration may put your recovery at risk, don’t agree to go. If a certain family member isn’t supportive of your decisions, don’t engage with them. If you know that being around certain people makes you more prone to drinking, don’t spend time with them. And guess what else? Even if you’ve already agreed to something but then after thinking about it you started to feel uncomfortable, you are allowed to change your mind! You have the freedom to make your own decisions when it comes to what is best for you and your recovery.

    1. Create a List of Alcohol-Free Things You Enjoy About the Holiday Season.

    I promise, there’s a lot! The trick is just making yourself remember that fact and then focusing on it. At the end of the day, the holiday season isn’t really about parties and drinking, is it? There’s much more to it. Some of my favorite things about the season are watching the snow fall, wrapping myself in a warm blanket, lighting a seasonal candle, baking cookies. Maybe you like the smell of Christmas trees, seeing the decorative lights in the neighborhood, or the songs of the season. Or maybe you get to see family or friends who you care about and who don’t stress you out. None of those favorite things require alcohol in order to be enjoyable. If you struggle to remember this, write out a physical list and keep it with you when you’re in situations where you feel uncomfortable. It gives you something concrete to refer back to; it’s a reminder that there’s more to the holidays than booze-soaked partying.

    1. Communicate with the People Around You.

    Often, we are so self-conscious and worried about what others will think about our recovery that we don’t give them the chance to respond positively and be supportive. More often than not, the people in your life will want you to do what is best for you and will support that choice. If you’re feeling alone and unsure as the holidays approach, take a risk and let someone close to you know what is going on in your life and why you are choosing not to drink. Doing so allows you to have someone to lean on and discuss your feelings with so you don’t feel quite so alone. It also gives you someone who can hold you accountable and remind you why you are doing what you’re doing. It can be hard, but opening up and allowing other people to help you is vital. It also has a positive result on the person you open up to. On the off chance the person does not respond in a helpful or loving way, thank them for their opinion and move on to someone else.

    1. Take Time for Yourself.

    Often, the holidays can feel like they’re go, go, go with no downtime. But you don’t have to be constantly rushing around. When you’re making plans, be sure to carve out some time for yourself. This could mean time to be at home with no plans, or time to do the things you love and that make you happy. Try to remember that when you’re constantly running from place to place and engaging with different people, it’s easy to begin to feel worn down and drained, which can lead to feelings that could put your recovery at risk. Like anything else in this world, your body needs the time to recharge and reenergize. This can be done by planning ahead and working that time into your holiday schedule. But if you suddenly find that you really need some down time, giver yourself permission to leave early or cancel. After taking that time for yourself, you’ll likely find that you feel as if you’re in a better mental state and ready to take on the holidays again.

    When it comes down to it, the most important part of the holidays isn’t the parties or the gifts. It’s about love, health, spirit, and whatever you choose to celebrate. But it’s okay to put yourself and your well-being first. As you head into this holiday season, remember that you are in the driver’s seat when it comes to your life and your decisions. Hold your head high and don’t let anyone sway you. It will be worth it in the end.

    We’re all feeling overwhelmed this time of year. Do you have any tips to add to this list? Let us know!

    View the original article at thefix.com

  • How to Stay Sober at Burning Man and Have the Best Burn of Your Life

    How to Stay Sober at Burning Man and Have the Best Burn of Your Life

    I mean, really, you’re never going to be at a meeting in the “default world” sitting between a rainbow unicorn and a naked old guy.

    Have you ever been to Burning Man, that strange, magical world where anything is possible? Where strangers become friends in under an hour? Where food, water, gifts, and substances are shared freely through the “gifting economy,” and the parties rage 24/7 for eight days straight? If so, maybe we’ve shared some common experiences on “the playa.” Have you ever woken up in a pile of dust, impossibly far away from your own camp, trying to piece together the events that led you to your blackout dust pile? Have you ever taken LSD so many nights in a row it actually stopped working? Have you come into Black Rock City with the best intentions of practicing yoga and meditating every day, only to fail once you got three PBRs deep by 10am? Have you booked it out of Burning Man to the nearest Motel 6 like a bat out of hell, driving your car feeling like it’s the most challenging video game you’ve ever played? Has coming down and getting “back to normal” after the burn felt like a torturously long, horrible process? Have you left the playa feeling like you had an incredible time but kind of wishing you could remember more of it? Me too.

    If you’ve only heard stories or seen news reports about Burning Man, the infamous “playa” is usually depicted as nothing but a mecca for party drugs, weird sex, apocalyptic art, and daytime debauchery. It’s the last place on earth a recovering alcoholic could willingly go to and stay sober. In actuality, behind all the psychedelic media-portrayed madness and in the midst of the drug-fueled frenzy, there exists a whole community of sober “Burners” who do the seemingly unfathomable. We come to this crazy place every year and let our freak flags fly, share our art and our experiences, dance until dawn, make new connections, survive in this thrilling temporary society, love it and hate it, and do it all SOBER.

    My first two burns were driven by my love for alcohol and drugs, so my Burning Man experiences reflected that. My third burn, however, came almost one year after some shit hit the fan in my life, forcing me into the reluctant journey of recovery. Despite my hesitant beginning, by the time I hit the one year sobriety mark and took off to Burning Man, I was fully in love with my new sober, sane (“saner” than I had been before but still going to Burning Man so not too sane, obviously) state of mind and my ability to be fully present and remember the adventures I was having. Thus, my third burn, which I experienced as a sober woman in recovery, while very different from my first two years on the playa, was actually the best Burning Man experience I’ve had yet! Here’s why it was so great and why I can’t wait to go back to Black Rock City—still sober—this year.

    There are endless opportunities to explore in Black Rock City: classes, workshops, lectures, parties, music, art tours, ultramarathons, you name it. When you get to Burning Man, you get a book that’s a couple hundred pages long of all the events and activities available. Before I got sober I would look through this book in wonderment, circling things and making grand plans for all the workshops I would attend and everything I would learn. In reality though, I would usually get distracted by a Blood Mary oasis on the way to whatever wellness-oriented activity I was trying to find. The self-improvement plan would end there.

    Nowadays, I can actually make it to a few of these events I pick out of the wonderful guidebook, because I have the willpower and determination to get to where I am going without “free vodka FOMO” stopping me. Well, sometimes I’ll still stop for a virgin Bloody Mary bar experience to giggle at and feel superior to all the raging hangovers around me. I’ve gotta let the misery of others remind me why I’m sober occasionally. Most of the time, I can make it to my intended destination. Having my activity options limited because of my sobriety is actually very helpful in that it forces me to focus my attention on a narrower but still huge range of the healthy “woo woo” non-booze-oriented options.

    I’m so grateful my sobriety allows me to participate in Burning Man more fully than I was ever able to when I was fucked up. Today I get to make real connections with fellow burners, give something back, and freely express myself, sober, along with all the best of Black Rock City.

    Seven tips for how to actually stay sober at Burning Man:

    1. Go to meetings, even if you don’t regularly attend them in the “default world.” Burning Man meetings are awesome, and you can even get your own Burning Man token for your 1st, 2nd, 3rd and so on sober burns. Anonymous Village is the biggest sober camp and is located at 5:30 & G, with multiple “Any-A” meetings for anyone in recovery from any addiction every day. Other sober camps—Camp Run Free and Camp Stella—also offer daily open meetings. I mean, really, you’re never going to be at a meeting in the default world sitting between a rainbow unicorn and a naked old guy.
    2. Practice good self-care and rock your boundaries. If you don’t wanna stay up all night every night, then you don’t have to! If you don’t want to be a dirty, sleep-deprived dustball all week, you don’t have to be! Go find those life-saving nail salons or hair-washing stations when you feel the need for some real TLC. And if you’re an introvert like me, don’t be afraid to lie in your tent and read a book or nap when you need some down time to recharge your batteries. Sleep is great, and can really help you enjoy your burn more. If you’re not enjoying a party or activity or person, then politely excuse yourself and go find something else, or go home. The week stretches long when you’re sober, especially if you don’t take care of yourself.
    3. Find other sober burners! They are out there. Last year one of my best friends on the playa was four months pregnant, so we both had good reasons to have lots of sober fun together and practice lots of self-care.
    4. Choose one sober activity to structure your day around, then go from there. That overwhelming little booklet of activities can help you find a mind-blowingingly awesome good time that’s not caused by mind-altering substances. So next time you find yourself jonesing for an adventure, just page through your book and choose between “Naked Fire Spinning for Complete Beginners,” “Make Your Own Tutu and Pasties Party,” watching Tuesday’s Ultramarathoners run dusty laps around the city, an appointment with a Monkey Psychiatrist, or a classical orchestra concert with homemade ice cream at an art piece in deep playa. Get excited about that one sober activity and all the awesome people you will meet, then let the rest of your day flow from there.
    5. Embrace the daytime activities and workshops that you were too hungover to enjoy in the past.  Before I got sober, I would miss out on so much of the art and yoga and educational offerings on the playa because I would start every day with those morning Bloody Marys and beers. My FOMO and addiction would take over and not let me say no to a drink or a drug. Now with those options off the table, I have some of the most fun riding my bike around the playa in the early morning while most other people are still sleeping off the party or just trudging home. Last year I made it to an aerial silks class, two Shamanic breathwork sessions, multiple yoga classes, and a few guided meditations. Thanks to all these workouts and personal development activities, I left the burn actually feeling more physically and mentally fit then when I got there.
    6. Be of service. Be available to be of service to other burners. Participate in the gifting economy by bringing something to share, no matter how small. It could be fruit, coffee, cookies, hula hoops or Chapstick to give away. Or you could teach something, or set up a table of art supplies for passersby to stop and get creative. I’ve found that most burners really appreciate heartfelt, healthy offerings, because they’re rare in a popup city crowded with bars and clubs. You can also take on a temporary sponsee from one of the many meetings in the city.
    7. Enjoy being fully present.  Whatever happens on the playa, you get to notice it all, feel it all, and remember it all. Take the bad with the good and always look for opportunities to be of service. Remember, sobriety is a gift that lets us go anywhere and do anything! So enjoy it!

    Burning Man is from August 26-September 3. More info here about experiencing the playa clean and sober.

    2016 Burning Man Festival in Black Rock City, Nevada, USA

    View the original article at thefix.com