Answer Addiction

Tag: family addiction support

  • I am in love with an addict: Why do I stay?

    I am in love with an addict: Why do I stay?

    How many times have you asked yourself why you continue to stay in a co-addictive relationship with an addict? When you are in a relationship with someone where a substance comes first it is likely you have tried; ultimatums, interventions, rehab, AA, NA, therapy, family therapy, ignoring, begging, pleading, and crying to no avail. If sobriety IS attained, it is usually followed by relapse and broken promises. Ultimately things go back to the way they were—being last on the list of your loved ones priorities while drugs and alcohol is first.

    So how can you become ready to address your own codependence and co-addiction? Tips from someone who’s been there here.  And a section at the end for your questions or comments or experiences.

    The Beginning Phase: Attraction and love

    In the beginning of a relationship with an addict things are usually amazing. Stories of courtship are often described as an incredible experience. This honeymoon period is seen by the sober mate as a remarkable love story. This time is usually described as a period of charm, fascination, and attraction.

    The new relationship is so intense that the addict is usually able to hide their demons. In order for an addict to function they must become very good at manipulation, lies and creating drama to deflect their substance abuse. Their behaviors may be so aloof, appealing and beguiling that the sober partner is intrigued by the mystery and thrill of the addict’s actions. Even if the sober partner feels that something may not be right, they ignore their instincts. The addict is able to make light of their substance abuse and convince their partner that they just like to party once in a while.

    The person who is sober is so clouded by their desire to be with the addict they do not ask any questions.When the sober mate can no longer keep up with partying or accept the inconsistencies in an addict’s storiesthey may start to ask questions. At this point, it is typically too late. They are already in love.

    The Middle Phase: Committment and concern

    Loving an addict can bring up many mixed emotions. I started to notice that my boyfriend’s car was home when it was supposed to be at work. When I confronted him, he told me I was seeing things. Then I would drive by his work and notice his car was not there. I wanted to believe I was seeing things more than I wanted to face the fact that my gut was probably right. He called me one weekend and spoke to me in the strangest tone making some outrageous statements. He had disappeared for a couple of days and said he was with friends.

    After my worry got the best of me, I went to his apartment. I found him sitting up on his couch, asphyxiating from a drug overdose. Because my feelings for him were so strong, I allowed him to let me believe that this was not a problem and things just got out of control. He swore it would never happen again. I was desperately afraid of this behavior but I loved him so much I felt it would hurt more to be without him.

    The middle, or the “discovery period” of a relationship with an addict can be baffling. This is a time where the love is so strong and both parties have made commitments to one another but there is a clear realization that something is wrong. The discrepancies and contradictions in stories and unpredictable behaviors of the addict become more apparent. The addict is feeling more comfortable with the relationship and secure their loved one is not going to just up and leave.But it becomes more difficult for an addict to hide their addiction because they are spending more time with their partner.

    Deep down, the sober party knows there is something inherently wrong. They will start to ask questions, dig deeper, and possibly confront the addict about their addictive tendencies. This discovery period can last weeks, months, or years, depending on if the addict is more functional or dysfunctional in their addiction. The sober partner may be questioning their own eyes, sanity, and reality just to try and believe an addict’s lies. Over time,the strange, unexplained behavior can no longer be chalked up to nothing.

    It is at this time that the sober partner may become “hooked” or addicted to the addict. Their love becomes more desperate and they feel that it is their responsibility to help the addict see there is something wrong and fix it. The addict will use this love to manipulate their partner into staying.

    When will this addiction end?

    When it becomes clear that there is a problem things will start to deteriorate in the relationship. The decline can happen very fast. You see the addict as a different person from the one you fell in love. This new person is revealing themselves more and more of the time. The addict is no longer hiding their addiction but instead making excuses for it. Wanting to believe them, you entertain promises of sobriety and proposed behavior changes. These are typically empty promises.

    The sober mate knows the addict’s life is at risk. The worry, fear, and obsession over their partner may become chronic. Nights are spent wondering if the addict will come home,and hours or sometimes days are spent waiting for a phone call. This becomes the norm. When they do show up, you watch your spacey-eyed partner make excuses as to why they were not available.The sober mate will make desperate attempts to plead for the addict to change because they hope there is still a viable future for their relationship.

    Co-addiction begins

    There is a turning point that occurs sometimes without notice. This is when the sober partner becomes a co-addict. A co-addict is a person who puts the addict’s addiction over their own needs. A co-addict will enable and cover up for the addict in an attempt to help them. A co-addict will spend countless hours trying convince them that they need help.

    A co-addict is torn. They want to leave but they cannot. They want to believe the addict will change and think their support and love will save them. They want to be there when the addict recovers. Actions speak louder than words and usually the addict’s actions are not consistent with their words and promises. The two will go back and forth with one another making and breaking promises. A co-addict’s life will be turned upside down and inside out dealing with the addict.

    Holding out longer than you should

    Even though a co-addict loves a person with a serious disease and knows deep down they should leave, it is not always easy to walk away. While we cognitively understand that zero tolerance for drug use and abuse is required, some will marry, have children with, move in with, become financially dependent on and/or financially support the addict over the course of the relationship despite the addiction. Most feel they are abandoning the addict if they leave. Regardless of the scenario, most co-addicts will wonder when this will end and the person they fell in love with will return. That person may only show themselves now in glimpses. These short episodes keep us holding on longer than we should.

    The reasons co-addicts stay no longer matter. The situation becomes so convoluted even the co-addict does not understand why they continue to the relationship. They only know what they feel and how much they still love the addict but abhor the situation.

    How do you leave?

    How do you leave someone you love so much even though they hurt you when they have a serious problem? That is a very good question. If you find yourself in this situation, you are not alone. There is help, but the help is not for the addict, it is for you.

    View the original article at addictionblog.org

  • How to live with an addict

    How to live with an addict

    Fatigue makes everything more difficult

    Since my son’s birth, one and a half years ago, I have not had one decent night’s sleep. He wakes three to four times a night, screaming. Regardless of what time he goes to bed, he wakes at five am. I am a morning person. When my daughter was small, I used to wake an hour before her, so I could have time to myself, organize, and start my day. This small routine is what helped be more productive. With my son, this has been impossible, and almost every day has been a challenge. I go to sleep with him, exhausted, and wake long before I even want to, to him jumping on top of me. I am tired more, finding the mental focus to work has been difficult, and time alone has been almost impossible.

    By the grace of God, two nights in a row my son slept through the night. The second day, I woke up before him, went downstairs and got everything ready before he awoke. I settled into my home office to check some work emails and when I turned around he was happily running into towards me smiling and saying, “Momma.” After the warmest hug, he sat still at breakfast with his sister and fed himself! Later, when I took him to the store, something I usually tried to avoid, he fell asleep I was able to shop in peace. While I was waiting on line, the man behind me struck up a conversation about all the organic and healthy food he saw in my cart. He turned out to be an extremely generous man who owned an entire ranch helping families in crisis, housing more than forty troubled children. He actually lived around the corner from me and I didn’t know it. What an inspirational conversation we had. The rest of the day was more of the same.

    Then I realized something. If every night was difficult and sleep was sparse, it was going to affect my health, my mood, my behavior, my outlook, and my ability to be productive. Somehow I made it work, knowing it was a temporary situation and because of the love I have for my child.

    Negativity precipitates negativity

    I mentally pressed rewind and went back four years. At that time, I was not sleeping because I was up worried most nights when my husband would not come home. You see, codependency and control issues are often difficult to distinguish.   I was taking care of a little girl on my own, my husband was bringing drugs into my home, and we were slowly going into financial ruin.

    Every time I would try to be positive, something bad would happen. I was in a vicious cycle but I did not know it. Negativity precipitates negativity. The more negative thoughts, behavior,and events that entered my life, the more negativity I attracted. If there was positive in my life, I could not see it or attract it.

    Getting ready for change

    When I had my moment of clarity and I realized I was sick of my life the way it was, I made a change. Letting go of my addict husband was a process that helped me.  I started going to meetings for families like mine, I sought a therapist, I mentally left my husband, and then shortly after, physically.

    I started to let a little positive in each day. I made myself read positive affirmations daily. I interviewed for a job opportunity I really wanted and got the job. My father happened to be retiring the same time. I had to work again full time to be the sole supporter of my daughter, and he offered to take on a bigger role and help take care of my child. I reconnected with friends I had lost touch with who helped nurse me back to life. Everything started to come together in a way that forced, even the once skeptical me, to believe was some divine synchronicity.

    How to live with an addict: change the focus

    When you are caught in the cycle of addiction, life may seem hopeless. If you decide to stop talking to the addict, or stay in their life, either way, you can still make a choice to silence the negative and accentuate the positive. Once you start looking for the positive things about you, and your life, you will start to find them. Once you find them, more will become attracted to you. Eventually you will be taking the emphasis off of the negativity of the addict’s behavior and focus on what is positive within you.

    Living with an addict questions

    Do you still have questions or want to share your situation with us? Please leave us a message in the comments section below. We do our best to respond to all questions personally and promptly.

    View the original article at addictionblog.org

  • My daughter or son is an alcoholic: What can I do?

    My daughter or son is an alcoholic: What can I do?

    Watching a child lose themselves in alcohol addiction can make parents feel helpless. If you suspect, “My child is an addict!”, there is no magic bullet or good advice that can stop an addiction and so when most people see their son or daughter slipping into alcoholism, they simply do not know how to stop it. Here, we review some practical suggestions in addressing a suspected alcohol problem within your family. We invite your questions about treatment or family therapies for addiction in the comments section at the end.

    STEP 1: The Old Ways May Not Be The Best

    Many parents, upon discovering their children have an alcohol problem, resort to traditional parenting reactions. They attempt to punish their child. This could be cutting them off from “bad friends”, Sending them to their room, Taking away privileges or even just getting angry and yelling. These methods may have worked in the past, but chances are, they will not work to treat an addiction. The two reasons for this are that, 1) if they are old enough to get alcohol, they are probably old enough to have some independence which means traditional punishments are harder to enforce. 2) Punishing an addict does nothing to fight the addiction. So, your first step is to recognize that what you used to do…is broken, and that you need to seek alternative ways of coping.

    STEP 2: Talk To Them

    People with an alcohol problem do not respond to anger, they respond to empathy. Someone who is drinking too much may already feel depressed or isolated, punishing them further really only serves to increase their urge to drink. The best way to approach an alcohol addiction is to talk to the person. Do not do this when they are drunk, wait until they are sober, and maybe even a bit hung over. Tell the person that you are worried about them, that you care for them and that you just want to help.

    Also remember to go to them with evidence and ideas. What this means is, before you speak to anyone about an alcohol addiction, it is important to gather evidence to prove they have a problem. No evidence means they can just deny everything. Once you have the evidence, the ideas come into play. Find a list of treatment options so you can have them ready for the talk. Ideas of the treatments available will show the addict that there is a way out. It is like offering a ray of hope.

    STEP 3: Take Action

    Once you have spoken to your child about a possible addiction to alcohol, it is time to take action. If you can, go with them to speak to a doctor about the condition, Speak to a counsellor or look at a treatment centre. All of these options can be effective in getting treatment but it may be hard to get your son or daughter to embrace them.

    If you are having trouble, speak to a doctor, counselor or treatment centre yourself. They can offer advice and some comfort. It is also a good idea to look into some family support groups. There are organisations out there that are designed to support the families of alcoholics. They are full of people just like you that have gone through it all before and may be able to help.

    You Can Only Do So Much

    Addiction is often called a family disease because it affects everyone around it, but when it comes to treating addiction, The Addict has to make the first move. If you have Offered help and provide your son or daughter with treatment options, there is not a lot more you can do. Most addicts that actually kick their habit do so because they decide to.

    If someone does not want to quit, there is very little that can be done to treat them. A good example of this is people in prison treatment programs. These people do not have access to drugs or alcohol for years at a time but once they get out many go right back to using. This is because they were forced to stop rather than choosing to stop themselves. Until someone decides they want to get better, they will not respond well to treatment. If your son or daughter is refusing treatment, attend family support meetings and get yourself some help and support. The only other thing you can do is keep encouraging the addict to go to treatment.

    The road is not easy

    This may not seem like an easy road or the answer most people want to hear but it is the truth. Having a child with an alcohol addiction is never easy but with help love and support, most people can get better. We invite your questions or comments in the section below and will try to respond to you personally and promptly.

    View the original article at addictionblog.org

  • How to live with an addict

    How to live with an addict

    Fatigue makes everything more difficult

    Since my son’s birth, one and a half years ago, I have not had one decent night’s sleep. He wakes three to four times a night, screaming. Regardless of what time he goes to bed, he wakes at five am. I am a morning person. When my daughter was small, I used to wake an hour before her, so I could have time to myself, organize, and start my day. This small routine is what helped be more productive. With my son, this has been impossible, and almost every day has been a challenge. I go to sleep with him, exhausted, and wake long before I even want to, to him jumping on top of me. I am tired more, finding the mental focus to work has been difficult, and time alone has been almost impossible.

    By the grace of God, two nights in a row my son slept through the night. The second day, I woke up before him, went downstairs and got everything ready before he awoke. I settled into my home office to check some work emails and when I turned around he was happily running into towards me smiling and saying, “Momma.” After the warmest hug, he sat still at breakfast with his sister and fed himself! Later, when I took him to the store, something I usually tried to avoid, he fell asleep I was able to shop in peace. While I was waiting on line, the man behind me struck up a conversation about all the organic and healthy food he saw in my cart. He turned out to be an extremely generous man who owned an entire ranch helping families in crisis, housing more than forty troubled children. He actually lived around the corner from me and I didn’t know it. What an inspirational conversation we had. The rest of the day was more of the same.

    Then I realized something. If every night was difficult and sleep was sparse, it was going to affect my health, my mood, my behavior, my outlook, and my ability to be productive. Somehow I made it work, knowing it was a temporary situation and because of the love I have for my child.

    Negativity precipitates negativity

    I mentally pressed rewind and went back four years. At that time, I was not sleeping because I was up worried most nights when my husband would not come home. You see, codependency and control issues are often difficult to distinguish.   I was taking care of a little girl on my own, my husband was bringing drugs into my home, and we were slowly going into financial ruin.

    Every time I would try to be positive, something bad would happen. I was in a vicious cycle but I did not know it. Negativity precipitates negativity. The more negative thoughts, behavior,and events that entered my life, the more negativity I attracted. If there was positive in my life, I could not see it or attract it.

    Getting ready for change

    When I had my moment of clarity and I realized I was sick of my life the way it was, I made a change. Letting go of my addict husband was a process that helped me.  I started going to meetings for families like mine, I sought a therapist, I mentally left my husband, and then shortly after, physically.

    I started to let a little positive in each day. I made myself read positive affirmations daily. I interviewed for a job opportunity I really wanted and got the job. My father happened to be retiring the same time. I had to work again full time to be the sole supporter of my daughter, and he offered to take on a bigger role and help take care of my child. I reconnected with friends I had lost touch with who helped nurse me back to life. Everything started to come together in a way that forced, even the once skeptical me, to believe was some divine synchronicity.

    How to live with an addict: change the focus

    When you are caught in the cycle of addiction, life may seem hopeless. If you decide to stop talking to the addict, or stay in their life, either way, you can still make a choice to silence the negative and accentuate the positive. Once you start looking for the positive things about you, and your life, you will start to find them. Once you find them, more will become attracted to you. Eventually you will be taking the emphasis off of the negativity of the addict’s behavior and focus on what is positive within you.

    Living with an addict questions

    Do you still have questions or want to share your situation with us? Please leave us a message in the comments section below. We do our best to respond to all questions personally and promptly.

    View the original article at addictionblog.org

  • Should I leave my addict or alcoholic partner?

    Should I leave my addict or alcoholic partner?

    The secret of a long life is knowing when it’s time to go – Michelle Shocked

    If you are in a relationship with an addict, when should you leave your partner or when should you stay and treat codependent behaviors? We explore the meaning of co-addiction here, what you can do about it, and how to take action.  Then, we invite your questions about personal situations at the end.

    When to leave an addict or alcoholic

    From the very moment an addict mistreats you, abuses you (verbally or physically), stays out all night, gets high in front of you or your children, steals, or continually treats you in a way that is out of character, it is time to leave. However, this is easier said than done.  And co-addiction recovery is really unique to each person.  So, even in the face of these difficulties, when should you start changing yourself?

    What keeps you from leaving?

    Some co-addicts believe that by being the voice of reason in an unhealthy relationship, they may be able to help the addict recover, and a healthy relationship will be restored. More than likely, many forms of help have been attempted, to no avail. When living with an addict, the emotional harm endured by the co-addict, and/or, their children, may be far more damaging than the absence of the addict would be. Consequently, the addict’s recovery may be delayed because their partner is always around to pick up the pieces.

    So what’s the number one reason people stay in a relationship with an addict or alcohol?

    Fear.

    In fact, it is only fear that drives a person to stay in a relationship they know deep down is extremely unhealthy. Most decisions made by an enabler are rooted in fear. The reality is, no fear of what will happen, is any worse than what is happening in their everyday lives. But in a co-addictive relationship, the co-addict may fear many things:

    • fear for the life of the addict—for what will happen if they are not there to save them
    • fear the addict will feel abandoned
    • fear that there is not enough money to leave
    • fear that the addict will not love them anymore,
    • fear of being alone
    • fear of having to be a single parent
    • or fear that if they leave they will not be able to control the addict’s behavior

    A co-addict may even fear that if they leave, they won’t be there to see the addict get better, and the recovering addict will reject them because they left. There are always many things to fear.

    When will the co-addict be ready?

    If the co-addict is unhappy with their partner’s behavior, due to the influence of alcohol or drugs, chances are their life is unmanageable. The only question in knowing when it is time to leave is; when will the co-addict be ready? When a co-addict fully grasps the harm being done to them and/or children living with the addict, and they make a conscious decision to break the cycle—that is the right time to leave.

    Every single person must live out the cycle of co-addiction in their own time. Some may stay in a situation because they believe it is not that bad or they will be worse off without the addict. It is amazing what a co-addict will learn to live with or without. The fear can become crippling, and in many cases it takes a catastrophic event for the co-addict to wake up, and decide they are ready to leave.

    Moving beyond fear and leaving an addict

    The famous adage, “feel the fear…and do it anyway” by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D., is a concept helpful in moving beyond the fear. Fear may never subside, but that is no excuse to stay in an unhealthy situation. With most new experiences there is a fear of the unknown. When addictive behavior begins, it can be very frightening for the co-addict, and though fears remain, somehow the co-addict learns to adjust. There will be initial fears that surface when leaving the addict, but theywill learn to adjust just the same.

    More than likely boundaries and promises have already been broken between the addict and co-addict. A co-addict must come to a point where they are sick and tired of being sick and tired. Knowing when it is time to leave is an individual choice; but by putting the fear aside, hopefully they will be able to come to that point a lot sooner.

    View the original article at addictionblog.org

  • I am in love with an addict: Why do I stay?

    I am in love with an addict: Why do I stay?

    How many times have you asked yourself why you continue to stay in a co-addictive relationship with an addict? When you are in a relationship with someone where a substance comes first it is likely you have tried; ultimatums, interventions, rehab, AA, NA, therapy, family therapy, ignoring, begging, pleading, and crying to no avail. If sobriety IS attained, it is usually followed by relapse and broken promises. Ultimately things go back to the way they were—being last on the list of your loved ones priorities while drugs and alcohol is first.

    So how can you become ready to address your own codependence and co-addiction? Tips from someone who’s been there here.  And a section at the end for your questions or comments or experiences.

    The Beginning Phase: Attraction and love

    In the beginning of a relationship with an addict things are usually amazing. Stories of courtship are often described as an incredible experience. This honeymoon period is seen by the sober mate as a remarkable love story. This time is usually described as a period of charm, fascination, and attraction.

    The new relationship is so intense that the addict is usually able to hide their demons. In order for an addict to function they must become very good at manipulation, lies and creating drama to deflect their substance abuse. Their behaviors may be so aloof, appealing and beguiling that the sober partner is intrigued by the mystery and thrill of the addict’s actions. Even if the sober partner feels that something may not be right, they ignore their instincts. The addict is able to make light of their substance abuse and convince their partner that they just like to party once in a while.

    The person who is sober is so clouded by their desire to be with the addict they do not ask any questions.When the sober mate can no longer keep up with partying or accept the inconsistencies in an addict’s storiesthey may start to ask questions. At this point, it is typically too late. They are already in love.

    The Middle Phase: Committment and concern

    Loving an addict can bring up many mixed emotions. I started to notice that my boyfriend’s car was home when it was supposed to be at work. When I confronted him, he told me I was seeing things. Then I would drive by his work and notice his car was not there. I wanted to believe I was seeing things more than I wanted to face the fact that my gut was probably right. He called me one weekend and spoke to me in the strangest tone making some outrageous statements. He had disappeared for a couple of days and said he was with friends.

    After my worry got the best of me, I went to his apartment. I found him sitting up on his couch, asphyxiating from a drug overdose. Because my feelings for him were so strong, I allowed him to let me believe that this was not a problem and things just got out of control. He swore it would never happen again. I was desperately afraid of this behavior but I loved him so much I felt it would hurt more to be without him.

    The middle, or the “discovery period” of a relationship with an addict can be baffling. This is a time where the love is so strong and both parties have made commitments to one another but there is a clear realization that something is wrong. The discrepancies and contradictions in stories and unpredictable behaviors of the addict become more apparent. The addict is feeling more comfortable with the relationship and secure their loved one is not going to just up and leave.But it becomes more difficult for an addict to hide their addiction because they are spending more time with their partner.

    Deep down, the sober party knows there is something inherently wrong. They will start to ask questions, dig deeper, and possibly confront the addict about their addictive tendencies. This discovery period can last weeks, months, or years, depending on if the addict is more functional or dysfunctional in their addiction. The sober partner may be questioning their own eyes, sanity, and reality just to try and believe an addict’s lies. Over time,the strange, unexplained behavior can no longer be chalked up to nothing.

    It is at this time that the sober partner may become “hooked” or addicted to the addict. Their love becomes more desperate and they feel that it is their responsibility to help the addict see there is something wrong and fix it. The addict will use this love to manipulate their partner into staying.

    When will this addiction end?

    When it becomes clear that there is a problem things will start to deteriorate in the relationship. The decline can happen very fast. You see the addict as a different person from the one you fell in love. This new person is revealing themselves more and more of the time. The addict is no longer hiding their addiction but instead making excuses for it. Wanting to believe them, you entertain promises of sobriety and proposed behavior changes. These are typically empty promises.

    The sober mate knows the addict’s life is at risk. The worry, fear, and obsession over their partner may become chronic. Nights are spent wondering if the addict will come home,and hours or sometimes days are spent waiting for a phone call. This becomes the norm. When they do show up, you watch your spacey-eyed partner make excuses as to why they were not available.The sober mate will make desperate attempts to plead for the addict to change because they hope there is still a viable future for their relationship.

    Co-addiction begins

    There is a turning point that occurs sometimes without notice. This is when the sober partner becomes a co-addict. A co-addict is a person who puts the addict’s addiction over their own needs. A co-addict will enable and cover up for the addict in an attempt to help them. A co-addict will spend countless hours trying convince them that they need help.

    A co-addict is torn. They want to leave but they cannot. They want to believe the addict will change and think their support and love will save them. They want to be there when the addict recovers. Actions speak louder than words and usually the addict’s actions are not consistent with their words and promises. The two will go back and forth with one another making and breaking promises. A co-addict’s life will be turned upside down and inside out dealing with the addict.

    Holding out longer than you should

    Even though a co-addict loves a person with a serious disease and knows deep down they should leave, it is not always easy to walk away. While we cognitively understand that zero tolerance for drug use and abuse is required, some will marry, have children with, move in with, become financially dependent on and/or financially support the addict over the course of the relationship despite the addiction. Most feel they are abandoning the addict if they leave. Regardless of the scenario, most co-addicts will wonder when this will end and the person they fell in love with will return. That person may only show themselves now in glimpses. These short episodes keep us holding on longer than we should.

    The reasons co-addicts stay no longer matter. The situation becomes so convoluted even the co-addict does not understand why they continue to the relationship. They only know what they feel and how much they still love the addict but abhor the situation.

    How do you leave?

    How do you leave someone you love so much even though they hurt you when they have a serious problem? That is a very good question. If you find yourself in this situation, you are not alone. There is help, but the help is not for the addict, it is for you.

    View the original article at addictionblog.org

  • How Can I Explain Addiction To My Spouse?

    How Can I Explain Addiction To My Spouse?

    ARTICLE OVERVIEW:  They know you need help. You might feel defensive. But how can you open up the conversation to talk about addiction in a non-judgmental way? We explore what addiction really is so that you are well prepared and informed first.

    TABLE OF CONTENTS

    What Is Addiction, Really?

    Before we begin, we think it’s a good idea to review just what addiction is. If you’re caught up in too much drinking or drug use…you are not a bad person! Addiction is a medical condition. It is treated medically…and can be overcome. How do you know you have a problem, or not?

    Addiction can be recognized by two basic indicators. Usually, addiction is present when you end up drinking or using more drugs than you planned. But the hallmark sign of a problem is when you continue to use despite negative consequences in your life. 

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    Addiction is a disease that changes people’s brain affecting key areas responsible for judgment, memory, and behavior. Looking at addiction as a disease might help you and those around you understand that addiction is not anyone’s fault! Addiction is a disease that takes place within the brain and body. Knowing that addiction takes over a person’s life can your friends and loved ones better understand the complexity of these disease.

    The Reasons Behind Addiction: What Makes You Addicted?

    I started asking myself this very question about a decade ago when I was in early recovery. Why did I get addicted…and my sisters can drink normally? Why and how is my brain different? What does my family or my past have to do with my drinking and drugging patterns?

    Well, the answers to my questions are not so clear.

    Many addiction studies have concluded that substance use disorders are genetically originated and run through families. But genes are not the only factor which determines a susceptibility to addiction. According to one Swedish study conducted in 2012, out more than 18,000 adopted children born between 1950 and 1993, risk for addiction was found to be significantly increased in adopted children with biological parents who experienced addiction problems. [1]

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    However, addiction is not solely influenced by genetics. Socio-cultural factors and the surroundings you grow up in play a significant role in the formation of addiction disorders. Peer pressure and the need to fit in social groups are some of the key risk factors for the development of addiction among teenagers and adolescents. Family birth order, your parents’ marital harmony, and your own personality also have roles.

    The influence of these multiple factors gives us a clue that addiction should not be seen as a weakness, or a characteristic flaw, but rather than a complex disease influenced by many factors. The compulsive nature of addiction makes people hooked on a drug-of-choice for a reason. Drugs and alcohol solve many of our original problems…just not in the long run.

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    Mix in chemical dependence with past life trauma and most people cannot quit on their own. The intensity and the discomfort of withdrawal symptoms makes it unmanageable to detox alone. Plus, detoxing alone can be dangerous! This reason alone points to the need for medical care and attention when a person decides to quit drinking or using drugs.

    Biological Factors For Addictive Behaviors

    Moving on, I think it’s crucial that you really understand what’s happening in the brain before you talk with a spouse. Knowing how the brain and body work to adapt substances as normal explains a lot about addiction.

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    Our brain is a dynamic and complex organ. One of the brain’s most important functions is to keep us alive. Proper brain function enables us to constantly adapt to our environment. However, ironic as it may sound, it is the brain’s ability to be so adaptive contributes to the formation of addiction. Addiction causes changes to the brain in various ways such as:

    1. Altering brain chemistry.
    2. Changing the brain structures and it’s functioning.
    3. Changing the brain’s communication patterns.
    4. Changing the brain’s natural balance.

    Once a psychoactive substance enters the body, it is quickly metabolized and reaches the brain rapidly. Drugs and alcohol interact with the neural system and trigger effects. But with prolonged use, an effect called tolerance occurs, which is a reduced reaction to a substance. This is one of the main reasons why you need to drink more over time to get drunk…or you why prescription pills are time limited when legally prescribed by a doctor.

    As time progresses, people become physically dependent on drugs or alcohol. A physically dependent person experiences withdrawal symptoms when they want to cut down or quit. The intensity of withdrawal symptoms can drive us right back to drinking or drugging. Physical withdrawal symptoms vary by substance and can differ significantly. Psychological symptoms tend to overlap and usually include:

    • Anxiety
    • Craving
    • Depression
    • Insomnia

    No wonder quitting your drug-of-choice has become so difficult! Who wants to go through that?

    Addiction: A Brain Disease – Not A Choice!

    The human brain functions by the rule of reward and punishment. Activities such as dancing, eating, sex, or other pleasurable behaviors are directly linked to our health. Each stimulate the release of a neurotransmitter called dopamine. The increase of dopamine gives us the feeling of pleasure.

    When the brain experiences pleasure, it tends to seek the same sensation and is motivated to continue repeating the same things which bring us pleasure. Drugs trigger that same part of the brain—the reward system. The only problem is that they do this unnaturally and to an extreme.

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    For example, when people abuse pain pills, their brain releases extreme amounts of dopamine. The brain overreacts, reducing the production of dopamine in an attempt to normalize these sudden, intensive high levels which drug abuse has created. This is how the cycle of addiction begins. Once an individual becomes addicted, s/he is not taking pills in order to feel good any more, but to feel “normal”. However, studies have shown that repeated drug use severely limits a person’s capacity to feel pleasure. [2]

    Once addiction starts ruling a person’s brain, the compulsive behavior becomes a reflex need instead of a conscious choice. That is how addicted individuals lose their free willpower to make their own decisions.

     

    Starting the Conversation

    So, what is the best way to approach your spouse and tell them you’re struggling? How you start the conversation will be up to you. Personally, “big talks” like this need to be outlined. In my life, I would set aside time and make sure that there are no distractions. No phones. No kids. No work. And then, I’d just open up.

    One of the biggest myths about addiction is that you can deal with it on your own! When getting started, know that needing help is a strength and not a weakness! So, we suggest that – however you do it – you let the cat out of the bag. This will be a very personal process. We can’t help you with that. But, when you discuss addiction with someone you love, keep in mind these three steps:

    FIRST STEP: Avoid being in denial about your addiction. Instead, accept that you have a problem and move towards the solution.

    SECOND STEP: Be completely honest and tell your spouse about your addiction directly. Do not try to link your problem with something else because you risk losing your spouse’s trust even more.

    THIRD STEP: Express remorse, ask for support, and look for treatment alternatives together. You can use your addiction as a way to reconnect with your spouse and join forces

    Asking for help is super critical. You are probably carrying the weight of decades of pent up issues. Again, you do not want to do this alone. I’m now almost 15 years into a drug and alcohol-free life…and I still see a psychotherapist when I need to. The idea is that issues are covering up some major pain. You need to bring these to the light…but you do need professional advice.

    When looking for professional help, you can always benefit from family and couples therapy. Your spouse and your family should be an important piece of the recovery process. All family members are affected by your addiction. Family and/or couple’s therapy can help you work on dysfunctional relationships and broken communications between you and your spouse. Family and couples therapy’s main focus is to:

    1. Work with loved ones to understand the addiction and addicted individual.
    2. Work with everyone to communicate better.
    3. Work with the addict to learn how to communicate with loved ones.

    Your Questions

    Hopefully, we helped you learn more about how addiction works…and how to open up to your spouse. If you have any questions, please post them in the comments section below. We are happy to answer your questions in a personal and prompt manner, or refer you to someone who can help.

    Reference Sources: [1] NCBI: Genetic and Familial Environmental Influences on the Risk for Drug Abuse, A National Swedish Adoption Study
    [2] NIDA: Drugs, Brains, and Behavior, The Science of Addiction
    Integrated Approaches to drug and alcohol problems: Action on Addiction 6.p
    Mental Health: How Does Addiction Affect The Brain?
    Shatter Proof: Science of Addiction
    Treating Addiction: A Guide for professionals 33.p
    Waters  Edge Recovery: How to Tell Your Partner About Your Drug Addiction
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    View the original article at addictionblog.org

  • The Secret of Talking to Your Addicted Sibling (Brother or Sister)

    The Secret of Talking to Your Addicted Sibling (Brother or Sister)

    ARTICLE SUMMARY: Just one family member with a drinking or drug problem can bring imbalance to the entire group. And if you’ve offered help, your brother or sister may have refused it because they still don’t believe they have a problem. This article reviews ways to improve your approach to convince your sibling to get into treatment. More here, with a section at the end for questions. 

    ESTIMATED READING TIME: 10 minutes.

    TABLE OF CONTENTS

    You’re More Important than You Think

    We sure can love and hate our brothers and sisters. Growing up together can test our very souls. But when you’re worried about your silbing’s behavior, your input can be more important that you know. This study reports a well-known fact:

    The onset of substance use typically occurs during adolescence. 

    But the research also suggests that siblings and peers may provide complementary influences on how people navigate the transition through teen and early adult years. You can transmit a good example, or you can provide a bad one. Your sibling sees you horizontally. In other words, you have more influence than you think!

    So, what can you do first?

    Are You Helping…or Enabling?

    The big thing is to recognize if you’re actually helping or enabling your addicted sibling with your actions. Enabling is a behavior that prevents someone from responsibility. It’s basically when you get in the way of having your brother or sister experience consequences for their drug or alcohol use. Enabling can look like:

    1. Paying bills, filling the car with gas, or buying groceries.

    2. Telling lies or making excuses for your sibling.

    3. Bailing the person out of jail.

    4. Cleaning up after the person.

    5. Threatening to leave but failing to follow through on your threats.

    6. Accepting part of the blame for your brother or sister’s bad behavior.

    7. Trying to strengthen the relationship by drinking or taking drugs together.

    8. Avoiding family issues or problems that need to be addressed.

    Enabling adds to an addiction. It doesn’t help.

    You might have already been stuck in this position and don’t know how to help your sibling. How can you address the seriousness of their substance (ab)use? Can you somehow help them move from the position of denial?

    We think that you need professional help. Planning an intervention is especially hard when you have no professional experience in this area. Addiction is a medical condition, so consulting a professional can be the best place to start. Who can you ask for help?

    Where to Get Help

    When someone has a drug problem, it’s not always easy to know what to do. NIDA for Teens recommends that you talk with someone you trust. You can talk to a parent, school guidance counselor, or other trusted adult like a sports coach, youth group leader, or community leader.

    Plus, confidential resources are out there, like the Treatment Referral Helpline (1-800-662-HELP) offered by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, which refers callers to particular treatment facilities, support groups, and other local organizations. You can also locate substance abuse treatment centers in your state by going to samhsa.gov/treatment.

    Here are some other ideas:

    1. Talk with your family doctor. S/He can refer you to local specialists such as addiction doctors (Find an ABAM specialist), psychotherapists or counselors (Find an APA psychologist member near you), or psychiatrists (Find an ABA psychiatrist near you).

    2. Talk with a social worker. You can contact your state’s Department of Health and Social Services to talk through the treatment options. Plus, you can see what services are available FOR YOU! Need counseling? Ask!

    3. Call our hotline number listed above. Caring operators are ready to take your call and talk you through the process of detox and addiction treatment. Plus, it’s possible that you need to be connected with a professional interventionist. Reach out. Help is just a phone call away.

    4. Call an addictions counselor, a psychiatrist, or a doctor who’s studied addiction. The following professional associations can connect you with someone in your area:

    The Secret Of Talking: Planning

    The first step to planning an intervention is preparation. To understand the nature of addiction, first read more about the signs and symptoms of drug/alcohol abuse. Knowing more will help you when talking with other members of your family and as you ask for advice from a professional. Then, together, you can agree who will talk to your sibling about getting help.

    Also, be prepared to speak with other family members about your concerns. Make sure that you are safe from potential emotional and/or physical harm. It is crucial to gain your own emotional stability, so you can better cope with the problem and more easily overcome the barriers toward recovery.

    Speaking with others who are having similar struggles is always productive. Consider SMART Recovery Friends & Family, which offer science-based, secular support group meeting (both online and in-person) to help those who are affected by the substance abuse, drug abuse, alcohol abuse or other addictions or Al-Anon or Alateen, a Twelve-Step organization providing help to family members of alcoholics. Meetings are widely available and free of charge.

    Top 5 Things To Avoid When Talking To Your Addicted Sibling

    Rule #1 – Avoid confrontation.

    Instead of blaming your brother or sister for their condition, try to focus the conversation on your feelings and how their behavior affects you. The outcome may be to visit a therapist together, so you can solve your personal difficulties with the addiction in your family. Step by step, the therapist will shift the focus to your sibling without him/her noticing that the treatment is actually meant for them.

    Rule #2 – Ask them to make immediate decision.

    Do not let your sibling step back and think of the situation over time. Instead, be prepared to immediately consult a treatment program once s/he understands that dysfunction is occuring. This is a crucial part of the intervention, as the recovery process starts with the decision of accepting treatment.

    Rule #3 – Do not threaten your sibling.

    Not that it’s just ineffective, but threats to someone using drugs or drinking can also be dangerous. When people are in panic or consumed by a feeling of fear, they can be very aggresive. Conflict brings even more conflict, and suggestions and support will not have any impact if the vibes are negative in the relationship.

    Rule #4 – Don’t try to talk when your sibling is under influence.

    Rule #5 – Never ever offer drugs or alcohol to your addicted sibling!

    It is very important to remember that addiction is a serious disease and you should always treat it in that way. Accepting treatment should never be celebrated by taking “one last dose”. Stopping the enabling cycle means respecting that addiction is a sickness. When you refuse to participate in it, you set a good example.

    Questions?

    Do you struggle with the idea of addressing your sibling’s addiction? We hope this short article can help. If you have any additional questions, please post them in the comments section below. We try to reply to all legitimate questions with a personal response and as soon as possible.

    Reference sources: Drug-free: Helping an Adult Family Member or Friend with a Drug or Alcohol Problem
    Project Know: Support Groups for Families of Alcoholics
    The Recovery Village: 9 tips for family members to stop enabling an addict

    View the original article at

  • The Secret Of Relating To Your Addicted Son Or Daughter

    The Secret Of Relating To Your Addicted Son Or Daughter

    ARTICLE OVERVIEW: To related to an addicted child, you need to show love and compassion without enabling. This article explores many issues that parents go through when a son or daughter experiences addiction. We outline where to go for help, what to avoid, and how to generally get through the difficult time.

    ESTIMATED READING TIME: 5-10 minutes.

    TABLE OF CONTENTS

    An Entire Range Of Emotions

    Parents of addicted children often feel a whole range of emotions. Finding out that your son or daughter has a problem with drugs or alcohol can be a shock! Common emotions such as:

    • Anger – or outrage!
    • Fear
    • Guilt
    • Shame

    …all of these can come tumbling out when you find out about your son’s or daughter’s addiction. But it’s important to be guided and directed by a higher level of emotion: empathy. For this reason, it is important that you learn how to deal addiction in the way that EXPERTS RECOMMEND.

    This article provides parents of drug or alcohol addicted children with information and resources about the who/what/when/where and how to solve the problem. So, continue reading to learn more on the topic of relating to your addicted son or daughter. Then, your questions and/or personal experiences are welcomed at the end.

    Relating To An Addict: What NOT To Do

    Becoming aware that your child has a problem with addiction is definitely not a pleasant thing to hear… for any parent. Some addictions come as a need to experience the unknown. Behind others is the need to avoid pain and/or dissatisfaction. Still other kids that cope with addiction have trauma at the source of their pain.

    Regardless of the reasons, the first mistake parents make is the practice of “chasing the blame”. This comes as the natural need for parents to assign some bottom line responsibility for the problem. It is a search for the cause. It is a reaching out for understanding.

    But the truth is this: When the problem of addiction has developed, attaching blame to an individual would only mean wasting time. Instead of looking for the person to blame, parents of drug addicts should accept the fact that their child has become an addict. Then, you can think about alternatives for help.

    The main difficulty for every parent? To face and accept the fact that a family member has addiction problems. Then, move forward. Denial can only set you back.

    Why Is Relating To An Addict So Difficult?

    Talking about the skeletons in the family closet can be extremely difficult! It’s difficult to communicate with adolescents in the best of times…let alone when your kid needs you the most. So, rest assured that most parents find it difficult to relate to their child’s addiction for many reasons. You’re not alone in struggling with what to do or say.

    Some common reasons that get in the way of a healthy relationship exist because:

    • Parents are in denial about the child’s addiction problem.
    • Parents are preoccupied with the shame, guilt and other stigma of addiction.
    • Parents lack education about the science of drug addiction.
    • Parents do not consult or ask for professional help.
    • Parents do not know how to communicate with their children who face addiction problems.
    • Parents do not know how to set boundaries and limits for themselves and their children.

    Ask yourself, “Do I meet any of these criteria?”

    Knowing where you stand in relation to these main barriers is a good beginning.

    The Secret Of Relating To Your Addicted Child

    Q: So, what is the secret of relating to your addicted son or daughter?
    A: The key is to learn how to show your love and compassion without enabling your child’s addiction.

    Usually, you learn do this with professional help.

    Naturally, most parents wonder what to do when they find out about their son or daughter’s addiction problem. We think that the first step you need to take as a parent is to ask for professional help. Of the utmost importance is to accept the presence of the problem and then DO NOT TRY TO FIX IT ON YOUR OWN.

    This is what mental health professionals are for.

    Where to Get Professional Help

    But, who can you ask for help?

    Specially trained, certified, and licensed professionals that diagnose and treat addiction are found all over the country. These a specialists can help determine the severity of your child’s addiction and the need for further treatment. They can serve as interventionists, counselors, and support. Some are medical doctors, some are licensed therapists. All can help your child.

    Addiction professionals include:

    1. Certified physicians who specialize in addiction.

    These are MDs who have received special continued education and certification in addiction medicine. You can use the American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM) website to find a physician near you.

    2. Psychiatrists.

    These are also MDs who specialize in treating mental illness. Psychiatrists can be very helpful in cases of dual diagnosis, or co-occuring mental health problems … such as depression or anxiety. Both are frequently present in teens. You can use the American Academy of Child & Adolescent (AACAP) website to find the most suitable child and adolescent psychiatrist in your area. Or, ask your family doctor or health clinic for a referral.

    3. Individual, family, and addiction counselors.

    Psychotherapy is at the core of addiction treatment. Find a licensed therapist near you by searching the directory at the American Psychological Association. Special filters exist for age.

    4. Addiction treatment centers.

    After a mental health professional screens your child and determines the need for further substance abuse treatment, check out local or national treatment centers. You can start your search by contacting the following referral hotlines:

    • Government’s Treatment Locator service at 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
    • SAMHSA online treatment locator on their website
    • Call our confidential hotline, listed on this page

    5. Support groups.

    12 step and self-help groups like Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, or SMART Recovery are an excellent free resources where you can how to cope as a parent. You can also attend peer-to-peer addiction support groups like A.A. or N.A. to learn about addictive thinking just by listening to other people in recovery telling their stories. These groups usually hope an “open” meeting at least once weekly for everyone, regardless of your personal experience with addiction. All that is required of you is to sit and listen.

    6. Education for addicted patients and families.

    In order to educate and better understand what is going on with your addicted son or daughter you can find useful information online. A few places to start?

    Top 5 Things To Avoid When Talking To An Addict

    Here are some behaviors you should avoid when relating to your addicted son or daughter:

    1. The worst choice is denial.

    Some parents simply close their eyes in front of their son’s or daughter’s addiction problem when, in fact, the worst choice is to do nothing and let your child dig deeper into their addiction. Therefore, learn the signs of drug addiction.

    2. Do not try to fix the situation on your own.

    Addiction is not something that can just go away or vanish with time, it is a disease which is complexed and has many aspects. In order to educate, plan and take further steps always ask for help from professionals that are trained in this field and can explain to you what to do about it.

    3. Blaming and criticizing your addicted son or daughter does not help.

    Learn to listen to your child. Try to hear what do they have to say. If you see or consult a family counselor or psychologist, try to carefully listen and apply their suggestions. Instead of just searching for answers about what to do … start really listening! Sometimes a solution-oriented way of thinking might get you stuck into one alternative, but the truth is that there is not a magic wand or a single answer or methodology that works for everyone.

    4. Let your addicted son or daughter know that you care about them, but avoid enabling.

    Enabling behavior is something which we all carry from birth, it comes from the natural instinct to love. However, enabling your addicted son or daughter is not in their interest, nor yours.

    Most enabler parents are not aware what they are doing because their motives come from the need to help their addicted son or daughter. When an addict is actively using drugs he/she needs to see that they are powerless to control their use and parents can help them realize this by setting boundaries. Boundary setting can be difficult…another reason why we recommend that you seek professional help.

    5. Do not forget about your own life.

    Parents want to do everything in their power to help their addicted son or daughter. Most of the time, they neglect their own lives and forget about daily tasks. As a parent you need to remember that every time you pause your life you are giving the addict control. So, make your self-care top priority!

    An Extra Tip

    There is a proverb that goes like this: “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisors they succeed.”

    The more you educate yourself and learn about the addiction problem your child is facing, you increase the chances of succeeding and going through this nightmare to the other side. Seek help from groups like Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, spiritual or religious affiliations, addiction recovery centers, or your own circle of friends. Talking about addiction is not shameful, it’s needed. And the more people who surround you with love, the better.

    Your Questions

    Did we answer all your questions?

    If you have any additional questions or want to share your experience you are welcomed to do that in the section below. Every personal experience about relating to your addicted son or daughter is valuable and might help others. Please let us know what you think!

    Feel free to ask your questions in the comments section below. We try to respond to all legitimate inquiries personally and promptly.

    Reference Sources: Drug Free: Detaching With Love: How I Learned to Separate My Son and His Addiction
    Drug Free: The Key to Dealing with My Son\92s Drug Addiction? Setting Boundaries for Myself
    Drug Free: 7 Truths About My Addict That Took 5 Years To Learn
    Drug Free: What I Wish I Had Done Differently with My Addicted Son
    Addiction Blog: My son is on drugs: What do I do?
    Why don’t they just quit? Joe Herzanek Part 2 49-59 page
    Drug Abuse: What to Do If Your Teen or Young Adult Has a Problem with Drugs
    Health Guidance: Finding a Balance Between Unconditional Love and Enabling
    Summit Behavioral Health: How To Love An Addict Without Enabling
    Buffalo Valley: How to love an addict without enabling
    SHAMSA: Family Therapy Can Help
    Turnbridge: 4 TIPS ON HOW TO COPE WITH A DRUG ADDICTED SON

    View the original article at

  • How Can I Explain Pill Addiction to My Child?

    How Can I Explain Pill Addiction to My Child?

    Addiction is Medical!

    Dealing with pill addiction? Are you looking for a way to explain it to your child or a family member?  There is a medical way to explain to loved ones how you are dealing with health difficulties such as addiction. But in order to talk about addiction, you must understand it first.

    This article gives you the basics on:

    1. How addiction influences your system.
    2. The reasons behind it.
    3. Tips for how to talk about it with your child.

    We encourage you to post additional questions in the comments section at the end. We’ll make sure to provide you with a personal and prompt response. Or, if we can answer your questions…we’ll refer you to someone who can.

    What Is Addiction, Really?

    Addiction, or substance use disorder, is a condition recognized as a brain disorder. It is a chronic disease with severe implications on a person’s health.

    When we are addicted to a pill, brain chemistry changes and we start to behave unconsciously and act out of control. This is because many medications can temporarily alter:

    • Decision-making centers in the brain.
    • Motivation.
    • Our ability to feel pleasure.

    When we begin to rely on our prescription pills to feel normal, however, we can develop a disorder which can’t simply be overcome with self-help. This is why prescription pill addiction often requires intervention by doctors and addiction professionals, especially when:

    • You have tried to quit on your own but can’t.
    • Are physically dependent on a prescription medication.
    • Experience multiple negative consequences to health, home, work, or social life.

    Brain Chemistry Changes

    In short, long term prescription use affects brain functions such as:

    • Behavior.
    • Decision-making.
    • Judgment.
    • Learning.
    • Memory.
    • Stress.

    Pills and other prescription medications are designed to change brain chemistry to treat physical and mental conditions. They are actually called “psychoactive drugs” because they affect the brain directly. There are several categories of prescriptions which are target of abuse. These can include central nervous system depressants prescribed for anxiety and sleep disorders, opioids prescribed for pain relief, or stimulants prescribed for attention disorders.

    Examples of drugs that cause brain chemistry changes include:

    • Benzodiazepines like Ativan, Xanax, or Valium.
    • Pain killers like Vicodin, OxyContin, or Percocet.
    • Stimulants like Adderall or Ritalin.

    Our brain functions as a result of a delicate balance of chemical messengers called neurotransmitters. When a prescribed medication enters our system, it directly affect the natural balance of neurotransmitters in the brain. Long term use and/or abuse makes the brain adapt to a new, unnatural neurotransmitter balance.  And when the desire to take pills becomes a pathological craving … it transforms into addiction.

    The Reasons Behind Addiction

    We can never say that people become addicts by choice. On the contrary, when the effects from the drug of choice no longer bring pleasure people desperately want to stop…only they are not able to, at least not on their own.

    Further, addiction is not a disease caused by a single factor. This is why it’s referred as a complex disease. The word “complex” is associated with the multiple factors which contribute to the foundation of addiction.

    According to research and studies by scientists, psychologists, and other professionals in the field of addiction, this disorder has a biological, psychological and environmental background.

    Addiction carries a great burden because it’s a compulsive disorder. Recovering from it requires monitoring from professionals and a controlled environment such as treatment centers. Pill addicted individuals can’t quit using by themselves because they often experience strong and unbearable withdrawal symptoms. This discomfort brings them back into the circle of taking pills over and over again to numb the pain and avoid further withdrawal.

    Genetics And Environmental Factors

    Many scientist and researchers in the field of addiction have questioned themselves why do some people become addicted while others don’t? The results of their studies have proven that there is not a single factor which can predict that a person has the possibility to become a drug addict. Instead, results of addiction studies have discovered that addiction is influenced by a combination of biological psychological and environmental factors.

    Biological factors outline the importance of the genes that people are born with. Genetic predispositions carry a 50% risk for addiction. The presence of other mental disorders may also influence risk for drug use and addiction. Knowing your family history of diseases can help you pay an extra care and attention when trying and reaching out for drugs, alcohol and prescription medications.

    Environmental factors include everyday influences, from family and friends, social groups, economic status and overall your general life quality. Among the most common environmental factors that can contribute to the occurrence of addiction are:

    • Early exposure to stress.
    • Parental modeling.
    • Peer pressure.
    • Physical and sexual abuse.

    More on Biological Factors

    Before an individual develops addiction to prescriptions, they often pass through several stages of physical change. Some people can develop physical dependence on a drug, for example. This means that the brain adapts to the drug and provokes withdrawal symptoms when doses are lowered to stopped. Others even become tolerant of the effects of medication, needing more medicine more frequently for initial effect.

    When explaining tolerance and dependence, it is important to know that they are referred to the physical consequences of drug use. In contrast, addiction is a term referred to the need of engaging in harmful, abusive behaviors. Moreover, addiction develops when a person becomes physically, psychologically and emotionally dependent to pills.

    As the brain adapts to the presence of prescription pills over time, chronic users may begin to respond to their prescription differently than those who have used it in accordance with physician’s guidance. They may start to:

    • Increase dosing.
    • Increase frequency of use.
    • Doctor shop.
    • Hide or lie about Rx drug use.
    • Prioritize the drug use above other activities.

    Addiction: A Brain Disease – Not A Choice!

    Prescriptions drugs and substances influence the brain’s “reward circuit” by interfering with the quantity of neurochemical messenger called dopamine. Dopamine neurotransmitters influence our centers for pleasure together with the reward system and motivates individuals to repeat behaviors in order to keep their level of happiness. The natural activities which increase our level of dopamine are: eating, sleeping, having sex, spending time with loved ones…etc. Abusing prescriptions over stimulates the reward circuit causing the intensely pleasurable “high” that often times leads people to repeated drug abuse.

    As a person continues to abuse their prescribed pills, the brain readjusts to the new state of excess dopamine by producing less of it. This is how abusers feel a reduction in their ability to experience high and feel pleasure in comparison with when they first started taking prescription— effect known as tolerance. They might take more pills, trying to achieve the same dopamine high.

    Not only that…. prescription drug users feel a reduction in the effects from their pills, but they also lose their ability to enjoy every day activities which use to bring them natural pleasure such as food or social activities. Depression can appear shortly afterwards.

    Explaining Pill Addiction to a Child

    Deciding to talk to your child about your pill addiction already shows a great level of courage and consciousness. In fact, your child may have already noticed you are not well. They are probably curious and concerned about why you are not feeling yourself.

    Honesty can be the best place to start. Before you begin, you’ll need to consider the age and maturity of your child before talking to them. Keeping the conversation age appropriate is important because younger children simply can’t understand the meaning of the term “addiction”, so you may need to replace the term with “illness” in order to bring this subject closer to them.

    As for teenager and older kids it’s best to be completely honest and say what going on directly. Teenagers and older kids value honesty. Telling them the truth will make them feel as if you feel they are old and mature enough to know about addiction.

    Here are some suggested tips of what to have in mind when you want to approach your child and explain your pill addiction:

    TIP #1. Use comparison with other illnesses in order to bring closer the subject of pill addiction to your little child. You might want to compare your illness with a very bad headache, or a stomach flu that just doesn’t go away. For older children, you might compare drug use with smoking. Whatever you choose, make the model tangible and relate-able.

    TIP #2. Listen to your kids. Ask them what they’ve observed in your behavior. Be prepared to answer their questions and concerns regarding your condition. Encourage them to tell you what they think.

    TIP #3. Make sure to provide your children with a strong support system. Or, set up family counseling sessions with a child psychologist who has experience in family addiction issues. They need to have someone to lean on when you leave for recovery. And professional help can guide you through the entire process.

    TIP #4. Take away any guilt. Make sure that your child understands that s/he is not responsible for your pill addiction.

    TIP #5. Prepare your recovery plans in advance and share them with you child. Share the plan with them. If you are leaving for an inpatient rehab stay, outline the visiting days. Talk about rehab like a camp for adults.

    Who else might you advise?

    • A licensed addiction counselor.
    • A licensed clinical social worker.
    • Family psychologists.
    • A psychiatrist.

    Seriously consider the process of family counseling. With the help of family therapy, members revalue the way they communicate and react to one another. Together, you and your child(ren) can look at how you conduct yourselves in ways that are hurtful or helpful. During family therapy, members also learn how to modify their behaviors to support each person. You’ll learn how to better communicate with each other, and practice new ways of talking, relating, and behaving.

    Now, Your Questions

    Do you have additional questions about explaining an addiction to your child? Please share your questions and/or experiences with successful (or not) communication in the comments section below. We’ll try to respond to you personally and promptly.

    Reference Sources: NIH: Understanding Drug Use and Addiction
    NIH: How Do Prescription Drugs Work in the Brain?
    All About Counseling: Telling Your Kids About Your Addiction
    Huffington Post: As a Mom in Recovery, How Do I Explain My Addiction to My Kids?

    View the original article at prescription-drug.addictionblog.org