Tag: sexism

  • AA's "How It Works" for Everyone

    AA's "How It Works" for Everyone

    Women have had to endure a generic “He” for God all these years. I am not rewriting the Big Book. I am simply asking for a moment to honor my God as a She; for a moment of freedom to express my God as I understand God.

    After attending AA meetings for 12 years, I picked up a coin this month celebrating ten years of continuous sobriety. Throughout my sober years, when asked at meetings to read “How it Works” from the AA Big Book, I sometimes replace “He” with “She” for the word “God.” Recently, an old-timer in my AA home group became highly offended when he heard me read my “She” version of “How it Works.” My improvisation became such an issue that it was put on the agenda at our home group’s monthly business meeting. A motion was presented to place wording at the top of “How it Works” stating, “Please read as written, do not make changes.” After much discussion, members of my home group decided not to make this change to our meeting format. Whew! How interesting! 

    As with any issue in recovery, I learned from this experience. I learned that people get offended at meetings! Ha. We can’t please everyone. I mean, I get offended at meetings, but I just accept things and go on. If I do not like the way a meeting is held I move on to another one. “Attraction, not promotion.”

    Thanks to my messing with pronouns, I find that I am no longer asked to read at AA meetings very often. Yes, the whole Big Book is written in He/Him-antiquated-patriarchal-Bible-form and I accept this. I mean, I got sober underlining everything in red that pertained to me as I worked my first step not caring about the gender terms! I simply did what my sponsor asked me to do. The pronouns were not important at that point. What mattered was that I did and do identify with the men who shared their message. Yet still, today, when asked to read at a meeting, I feel it causes no harm to insert She/Her instead of He/Him for my God. Women have had to endure a generic “He” for God all these years. I am not rewriting the Big Book. I am simply asking for a moment to honor my God as a She; for a moment of freedom to express my God as I understand God. That is all.

    Lately I have begun using a gender-neutral term for “God.” Instead of saying “He” or “She,” I simply say “God as we understand God.” For truly, I have experienced God as a spiritual man, as a spiritual woman, and most recently as pure divine spirit, with no gender identity at all. How could GOD be reduced to a He or a She, to a mere sexual form? Hence, my favorite definition of God is “Group Of Drunks.” Namaste: “The Drunk in me greets the Drunk in you” (the sober drunk, of course). I see GOD in all of you at meetings! It is my favorite vision! I love you all so much!

    I have to remember that “love and tolerance is our code.” If an old-timer is offended because I say that I have made a decision to turn “our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Her,” umm, hey, imagine what it took for me, a Hindu, and a lesbian, and a woman to read through the patriarchal (with Christian overtones) Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous! I am so, so grateful that my homies love and tolerate me enough to let me be me and accept me for who I am! As the Third Tradition of AA says, “The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking.” And Tradition One calls for UNITY. That means members are given the freedom to think, talk and act. No AA can compel another to do anything. Nobody can be punished or expelled. Our traditions repeatedly say, “we ought,” never “you must.”

    I have to remember that we are evolving. I believe the AA founders, Bill and Bob, left room for change when they wrote on page 164 of the Big Book: “Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us.”

    Today, there is a new updated version of “How it Works” created by Hillary J and the Sober Agnostics Group. That alternative to the Big Book text is used at their meeting in Vancouver, BC, Canada. There are also two gender-neutral versions of the Big Book available on Amazon: The EZ Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous Same Message -Simple Language and A Simple Program: A Contemporary Translation of the Book, Alcoholics Anonymous. Neither book was created by AA so neither is designated as “Conference Approved Literature” by the AA General Service Office (GSO). It is important to remember that the term “Conference Approved” has no relation to material not published by GSO. AA does not tell any individual member what they may or may not read. Each group is autonomous and is free to decide what material is read at the group level.

    Offending someone at a meeting drove home the point that I’m a drunk, plain and simple. I just want to get and stay sober, that’s all. I learned that I am not the only one who replaces “He” with “She” when reading AA material. Many other people are doing this and changes are being made to the literature. Someday, we may see changes to the first 164 pages of our Big Book.

    I have learned that God is beyond gender – and it is comfortable to refer to GOD as simply “God” instead of a He or a She. For me, God is pure divine spirit. Close the eyes. Feel GOD now. Pure Divine Love! God is Love! I love loving God, plain and simple. I love feeling Shiva embracing his beloved Devi in divine union. Sigh, bliss. This breath, here, now. 

    I also learned that AA has evolved enough to publish a new pamphlet already approved in British AA called, “The God Word: Agnostics and Atheists in AA.” There is a quote in this pamphlet that Bill W. wrote in 1965 that says: “We have people of nearly every race, culture, and religion. In AA we are supposed to be bound together in the kinship of a common suffering. Consequently, the full individual liberty to practice any creed or principle or therapy whatever should be a first consideration for us all. Let us NOT, therefore, pressure anyone with our individual or even our collective views. Let us instead accord each other the RESPECT and LOVE that is due to every human being as he tries to make his way TOWARD THE LIGHT. Let us always try to be INCLUSIVE rather than EXCLUSIVE; let us remember that each alcoholic among us is a member of AA, so long as he or she declares.”

    I love the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I love that we keep evolving and changing. I love that we get to ask questions. Here’s one more (ha ha): Why do we close some meetings with the Lord’s Prayer? I’ll have more to say about that topic later. That’s enough for today. Peace and love to one and all.

    View the original article at thefix.com

  • Joan Jett's Bad Reputation

    Joan Jett's Bad Reputation

    “I’ve been hurt,” says Jett. “I’ve had my head split open by a beer bottle, a rib cracked by getting a battery thrown at me—this big metal rig thing….just because I was a girl, I’d get spit on.”

    Bad Reputation is a loving tribute to legendary musician and feminist icon Joan Jett. The trailblazer turned 60 on September 22 and keeps on rocking. At 13, Jett’s parents granted a wish by buying her an electric guitar and amp for Christmas. She had no idea how to play it. At her first lesson, the male teacher said, “Girls don’t play rock and roll.”

    Then the film explodes. Jett screams into a mic:

    I don’t give a damn about my reputation!
    You’re living in the past, it’s a new generation.
    A girl can do what she wants to do and that’s
    What I’m gonna do.

    Go Joan Jett!

    In an exclusive interview for The Fix, director Kevin Kerslake (As I AM: The Life and Times of DJ AM, Nirvana’s Come As You Are, Bob Marley Legend Remixed) told me, “This film is Joan laid bare. Viewers get to process it on that level. I don’t feel there was anything verboten, you know, forbidden to ask, so the dynamics of her life play out as you see them in the film.”

    Clearly, Kerslake is a fan. He sings her praises, particularly when it comes to Jett’s habit of championing others.

    “Joan’s soul is all about rock and roll,” he told me. “She’s an activist too—for animals and for people. She has produced a lot of albums for musicians she believes in. And, if she gets credit, she immediately ropes in other people to share it with. She’ll never take it solo.”

    Right before receiving that first guitar, Jett had read about a club in Hollywood called the Rodney Bingenheimer English Disco. They were the first to play music by Blondie, Iggy Pop, Bowie, and the Sex Pistols. Archival footage shows boys and girls in heavy makeup, fishnets, leather and sporting nutty hairdos, short skirts and platform shoes.

    “It was a disco for teens,” says Jett in the film. “If you were like 21, you were already too old….It was a club full of weirdos in a city that’s known to be full of weirdos.”

    She says the club played “raunchy music” and some of it she describes as “clean dirty,” meaning it used suggestive double-entendres. But some of it, she says, was just plain dirty.

    “That music hit you in a spot that you couldn’t really describe,” says Jett, “and it made you want to do it. There was [a feeling] down there,” she says, alluding to her vagina. “But as a kid, you can’t quite put your finger on it, yet.”

    Realizing the unintended pun, she grins.

    At 15, Jett was determined to prove that girls could play as well as boys. She formed the all-girl punk band, The Runaways. They became a tight group of friends with the electric energy of adolescents. It’s exciting to watch the ballsy young chicks owning the stage, with Cherie Currie singing their biggest song, “Cherry Bomb.”

    The band showed more promise and gained a bigger following, but the “boys club” of rock ’n roll hated it; apparently their egos were threatened. The Runaways were called “cute” and “sweet,” but as their popularity grew the words changed to “slut, whore, cunt.” Jett says Jimi Hendrix had predicted that women playing rock and roll would be perceived as aliens. That proved true for The Runaways.

    “I’ve been hurt,” says Jett. “I’ve had my head split open by a beer bottle, a rib cracked by getting a battery thrown at me—this big metal rig thing….just because I was a girl, I’d get spit on.”

    In 1977, Joan Jett and her band The Runaways played at CBGBs punk club where I spent many nights of debauchery. I was into concoctions of crystal meth, cocaine, and Bacardi rum, which led to delusions. My skewed thinking told me if I memorized a musician’s lyrics, we had a relationship. Joan Jett knew me as much as I knew her. She seemed invincible.

    When the band fell apart, so did Jett.

    Director Kerslake told me: “She was [self] medicating over losing her band. It was a very dramatic experience in her life—both spiritually and physically. And it almost killed her.”

    “How did I personally deal with the crumbling of The Runaways?” Joan asks in the film. “I drank a lot, starting at eight in the morning.”

    Convinced that LA was laughing at her, Jett imagined everyone thinking: “We told you it wouldn’t work. We said you couldn’t do it.” That’s when she could no longer tolerate living in Tinseltown and split. She moved into a home in the ’burbs that became a party house. Old photos show a crowd of drunk and stoned pals draped around her living room. Jett had sunk to a dark place. Finally, Chrissie Hynde of The Pretenders pulled her aside and said, “Honey, you gotta pull it together.”

    Jett says, “I was angry. I didn’t know how to make sense of a world that gives girls shit for playing guitars. I thought, ‘Don’t you guys have more important things to be upset about?’”

    One night she became very sick, sweating profusely, and was rushed to the hospital. Kerslake said it was luck that Jett survived. The rocker was told she had a serious heart infection.

    “I considered that a perfect metaphor,” said Kerslake.

    After her diagnosis, Jett knew that her body could not take much more abuse.

    “I thought, I’m going to fucking kill myself.” She quickly clarifies for the viewers that she means accidentally, not by suicide.

    Throughout the film I felt tremendous compassion for Jett. I mean, I could see her strength; she comes across as someone who knows who she is. Despite all that she has accomplished, she also shows sincere humility and gratitude. (Side note: she looks fantastic and still exudes sex appeal.) But I wondered what happens internally to a pioneering performer like her who works for decades in what’s known as a tough industry—especially for women. She’d been just a kid when misogyny was unleashed on her simply because she was a girl who loved playing guitar.

    Then, something beautiful happened. Kenny Laguna came into the picture. He had been a successful hitmaker for bubblegum bands when he first met Jett. She was still drinking then and he describes the beginning of their collaboration:

    “She was hanging out with a bunch of people who all ended up dead.”

    It was true, she’d gotten herself in with a tough crowd that included Sex Pistols’ bass player, Sid Vicious, his girlfriend Nancy, and Stiv Bators, the lead singer of the Dead Boys. Jett refers to herself as “a mess” when she met Laguna. But the musicmaker and his wife Meryl believed in Jett’s talent and recognized her potential so they were willing to take a chance on her despite how beat-up she looked. With Laguna’s help, Jett became a successful solo artist and released the albums Bad Reputation and I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll. Together they started Blackheart Records in the early 80s.

    I was curious how she stopped drinking. That wasn’t disclosed in the film. My guess is that she flat-out wouldn’t talk about that publicly. The movie implies that she just said that’s it and quit. Her hardheaded black and white approach to life would support that method for sure. Still, I would’ve liked to have seen that in the movie. But for me, the most pressing question was about Jett’s love life. Did she have any long-term, significant, romantic relationships? That wasn’t discussed either and I was surprised about that missing chunk of her life. But then Jett herself answers that question at the end of this very engaging flick. (I watched it five times!)

    “Depending on what you think is a normal, regular life,” she says, “being in a band, you’re pretty much all-consumed with it. Is that healthy? I don’t know. I’m not a doctor. Probably not super, but, you know, it’s what I enjoy. I think it makes it difficult to have relationships. That would probably be, if you want to call it that, a sacrifice. To say music is my mate would be a pretty fair statement and I get a lot from it. But it’s not a person. And I think I know the difference.”

    Jett and the Lagunas have been together since 1979 and their affection for each other is evident in the film. They consider each other family. “Joan also has a very close group of friends who all participated in this movie,” Kerslake added.

    This woman smashed the glass ceiling she faced. During her expansive career she’s been racking up multiple platinum and gold records, Top 40 singles, and the blockbuster anthem, “I Love Rock ‘N’ Roll.” She was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2015 and Bad Reputation includes a moving clip of her receiving a standing ovation from rock legends—her peers.

    Bad Reputation is now available on iTunes and Amazon Prime.

    View the original article at thefix.com