Answer Addiction

Tag: sober fun

  • Queer Community Needs More Sober Spaces

    Queer Community Needs More Sober Spaces

    Some people who are LGBTQ+ and in recovery don’t know where they can engage with their community without facing the temptation to drink or use drugs.

    This week, Elton John celebrated 29 years of sobriety. While the celebrated gay icon has been able to confidently navigate both his sexuality and sobriety, others say that there is a need for more spaces for LGBTQ+ people to gather together without drugs or alcohol. 

    “While the modern LGBTQ+ rights movement started in The Stonewall Inn bar, there’s an increasing push for ‘sober spaces’ in our community, and not just as a way to fight alcoholism,” Daniel Villarreal writes for LGBTQ Nation.

    Traditionally, LGBTQ+ social spaces have revolved around gay bars. However, Villarreal points out that having more sober spaces would help not just people who are in recovery, but also LGBTQ+ youth who are not old enough to be admitted to bars. 

    Community Building

    “By law, bars can only welcome people 21 or older, leaving LGBTQ+ youth with few venues to find acceptance and older mentorship,” Villarreal writes. “As more gay bars continue to close, there’s a need for other venues where we commit to different sorts of community building, like watching films, discussing politics and creating art. These venues could also do better than gay bars have about being more emotionally accessibility [sic] to queer people of color, trans, non-binary, poor and older people as well as people with disabilities.”

    Like Elton John, more LGBTQ+ people are speaking out about their sobriety. The site LGBTQTeetotaler highlights stories of community members who are sober. Other treatment centers are popping up, focusing exclusively on people in the LGBTQ+ community. 

    But even after they get sober, some people who are LGBTQ+ and in recovery don’t know where they can engage with their community without facing the temptation to drink or use drugs. 

    Facing Temptation

    “I have a pretty wide gamut of gay and lesbian and transgender friends; not one of them is sober,” a woman named Leanne told Think Progress last year. “I don’t even know what that looks like for me, especially in a city.” 

    She continued, “It’s very common that there’s going to be places exclusively like bars, and events—even brunches and things like that—where alcohol is just common. People don’t even think twice! Everybody brings something. It’s not a big deal. There’s not a lot of thought put into it, so they don’t think about what it might be like to have someone sober in the crowd and being tempted.”

    Villarreal writes that coffee shops and other sober settings can help combat these feelings of isolation. 

    “While none of these efforts will resolve our community’s alcoholism on their own, together they can provide social outlets and support for people who share Elton John’s quest for sobriety,” he writes. 

    View the original article at thefix.com

  • Teen Throws Massive Sober House Party To Share Important Message

    Teen Throws Massive Sober House Party To Share Important Message

    More than 200 people showed up to “The F—ing Sober Party” thrown by the 17-year-old Wando High School student.

    One high schooler is rejecting the notion that teenagers like him need drugs and alcohol to have a good time.

    Dean Geraci, a 17-year-old student at Wando High School, invited hundreds of his peers from six high schools to his home in Mount Pleasant, South Carolina, for a sober house party—or as he called it: TFSP (The Fucking Sober Party). His family did not expect such a high turnout. More than 200 people showed up, WCSC reported.

    The Power Of Social Media

    Geraci organized the event on social media. “We were talking about how a lot of teenagers are pressured into thinking they can only host a party if there’s alcohol, drugs,” he told WYFF. “I’m just trying to hope to inspire more people to think, hey, I don’t have to be pressured into having a certain substance at my party in order for kids to come to my house and have fun.”

    “I think it’s great,” said his mom Angela Geraci. “It’s a great way for him to communicate and get his message across and people can respond to him.”

    Footage of the sober house party can be found on Geraci’s Instagram stories. They show the family’s home buzzing with young people, inside and out. There’s great ambience. And good vibes all around.

    Words Of Encouragement

    Geraci is a young activist who, judging by his social media presence, is creative and enterprising. Through his original videos, he addresses mental health and substance abuse among his peers. Amid rising depression and anxiety in his age group, Dean lets them know there is another way. He even encourages his audience to reach out to him if they need to talk.

    “Money, grades, your weight, how many likes you get, how many friends you have… we do have to realize these are all just NUMBERS,” he says in one post. “Stay happy and don’t let those numbers get into your head.”

    “Not every single day is going to be easy,” he continues. “But how are you suppose to know what a ‘good day’ is, without going through some bad ones?”

    Teens in the Mount Pleasant area will be happy to know that Dean has been hinting at a second TFSP in August.

    View the original article at thefix.com

  • Sober Bars, Mocktails Becoming More Mainstream

    Sober Bars, Mocktails Becoming More Mainstream

    Sober bars give people in recovery a place to hang out without putting their sobriety at risk.

    “Mocktail” is a term that people who don’t drink alcohol may be familiar with. These non-alcoholic drinks are being served across the U.S., as abstinence and moderation gain popularity.

    Sober bars give people in recovery a place to hang out without putting their sobriety at risk.

    As Marketplace reports, there is a growing number of sober bars that have opened around the country, including Listen Bar in New York and Sans Bar in Texas. Listen Bar’s slogan is “All Bar No Booze,” and they serve herbal drinks like “She Pretty” and “Ghost me Maybe.”

    According to the bar’s official website, Listen Bar is “a booze-free bar in NYC rewriting nightlife beyond alcohol… [our] rowdy vibes have drawn a following among drinkers and non-drinkers alike.”

    Chris Marshall, the founder of Sans Bar in Austin, Texas, says, “We handcraft our own specialty ‘mocktails’—things like a rosemary and ginger mule, or a sans-garita, which incorporates lime, agave and apple cider vinegar.”

    Marshall’s plans for Sans Bar are ambitious. It has a second location in Kansas City, and has also hosted booze-free events in St. Louis, Portland and Alaska.

    With “sober curious” becoming a growing trend and non-drinking events like Dry January also gaining global popularity, Marshall feels there’s a lot of growth potential for the sober bar industry.

    “Dry January was this kind of small, inside-baseball thing five years ago,” Marshall explains. “[It’s] now a huge marketing opportunity for brands.”

    One of the big keys to sober bars is emphasizing that you can have a good time without getting drunk.

    On Sans Bar’s website, it states, “We are a growing group of average people who recognize that life can be fun without alcohol. We are sober, we are on the move, and we believe that real connection happens when people are sober… We believe positive change can happen in the smallest ways, and still yield a tremendous impact.”

    Another sober bar is The Other Side in Illinois. As the bar’s co-founder, Chris Reed, told The Fix, having a sober bar “helps people stay plugged in and close to others in recovery… It brings us together and it shows us recovery doesn’t suck, that you can still socialize.”

    View the original article at thefix.com

  • Woman Aims To Open "Coffee Rehab," A Safe Space For Those In Recovery

    Woman Aims To Open "Coffee Rehab," A Safe Space For Those In Recovery

    “This is an opportunity to get out and to be around people and to not have the temptation of alcohol,” said the Minnesota entrepreneur.

    If you’ve ever gone through the process of getting sober, you likely know how difficult it can be to find alcohol-free spaces to spend time socializing.

    For this reason, one Minnesota woman in recovery is working on opening a new coffee shop aimed at the recovery community.

    Katy Armendariz tells Fox 9 that the coffee shop, called Coffee Rehab, would have late hours and serve as a safe space for individuals in recovery. 

    “This is where the tables will be and everyone can come and gather and order their drink or food and play cards, socialize and have a sense of community,” Armendariz tells Fox 9. 

    Armendariz says she recently left treatment for substance use disorder and knows how important it is for those in recovery to have a judgment-free space to turn to. 

    “And so I have a very close and personal connection to the recovery world and I can see myself running this coffee shop and having it be a safe place for people in recovery, people trying to get sober,” she says.

    “It is increasingly difficult to find spaces that are dry places and to talk openly about your addiction,” she adds.

    Armendariz also works as a social worker and tells Fox 9 that down the line, she could see the coffee shop and her business somehow overlapping.

    “Minnesota Care Partner offers mental health and chemical health services,” she said. “We have an outpatient program called Roots Recovery and I envision this being the offices and a place that we offer groups. So, anyone in the coffee shop wants additional support they are able to get it right next door.”

    Though in the early stages of fundraising, Armendariz says she is hopeful that a Kickstarter campaign will help her reach her goal of $250,000. As an incentive, she is offering different rewards for different pledge amounts. 

    “Well, as we can see, this place needs a lot of work,” she tells Fox 9. “And, I’m hoping to get support from the community, especially the recovery community through a Kickstarter campaign and have people pledge ten dollars. If it’s $10, you get a free coffee when we’re open. If it’s $25, it’s two coffee drinks and two snacks. And there’s different pledge levels and my rewards are based on amount.”

    In all, Armendariz says, it’s about creating a sense of community. 

    “This is an opportunity to get out and to be around people and to not have the temptation of alcohol.”

    View the original article at thefix.com

  • Sober Dating: Overcoming Triggers & Temptations

    Sober Dating: Overcoming Triggers & Temptations

    The date turned out to be a boobytrap of triggers that I wasn’t totally prepared for. But mindfulness, resilience, accountability – recovery – kicked in when I needed it most.

    I startled as my phone buzzed a text against my thigh. It was my date.

    “I’m late, but I’ve got tacos!”

    Relax, I urged myself, taking a breath and taking in the surroundings. It’s going to be fine. It’s just tacos.

    This was my first date in well over six months. Unless you include a Saturday night in late August while I vacationed in Iceland. We ran all over Reykjavik searching for traditional lamb meat soup, to no avail. It was whimsical, it was carefree, but it was all the way in Iceland. And it didn’t even end with a kiss. This taco rendezvous felt like a legitimate return from a dating hiatus. 

    Dating is challenging. Sober dating can be truly precarious. First of all, I have very little courtship experience. My M.O. has always been meet, mate, marry. Eventually, I learned not to wed every guy who showed interest. Twenty years of consecutive long-term relationships meant that at 36 years old I became sober and legitimately single, for the first time in decades. SCARY.

    At the very least, it’s uncomfortable. And why do so many of us drink? To treat discomfort! “Meeting for drinks” is both neutral ground, and grants permission for each party to self-medicate throughout the ordeal. 

    It’s natural to want a strong drink (or in my case a strong drink and maybe a powerful pill) to relax. When I’m home getting ready, agonizing over my hair, outfit, and what to say, “just one” would go a long way towards numbing my nerves. But “just one” steers me down a dangerous path. Before I know it, I’d be back on stage at POP-Solo karaoke, blackout wasted, singing “Sexy Back” off key. (ALLEGEDLY! There’s no evidence.) It’s just not worth the risk. 

    Deciding when, or whether to “out myself” as sober to a guy is always a gamble. He had mentioned “wine” more than once as a suggestion for our first activity. (An early red flag I adeptly ignored). Refusing a glass in the moment can be difficult and awkward, so I casually commented prior to the date, “I actually don’t drink…but if you want wine, it’s cool.” When he didn’t respond with the all-too-common: “Really?? You don’t drink ever??!!??” my optimism was buoyed.

    So I waited for Taco Guy with zero alcoholic pre-lubrication, counting breaths as a healthy coping mechanism instead of throwing back shots at the bar. He arrived, tall and attractive. He had a large bag of local Mexican food in one hand, a spirited canine attached to a leash in the other. He even brought me a Fresca, remembering my preference for sparkling water. Fresca is no La Croix, but he got points for thoughtfulness. 

    The date started out smoother than expected. As dinner wrapped up, he clumsily remarked he wasn’t sure what to do next. “Normally I’d take you to a bar, go wine tasting…something revolving around drinks.” My teetotaling ways left him at a loss. 

    I remember those days, pre-sobriety. Alcohol: a necessary ingredient for every situation. I once turned down an otherwise solid, yet sober guy over this. “Sorry, beer is seriously that important to me. I practically live at breweries. We’ll have nothing in common!” 

    Taco Guy was stressed about what we wouldn’t get to do together in future meetings. “Wine tasting? BBQs and Beer? How do you have fun without drinking?” 

    In nearly two years of sobriety, I’ve hardly been bored. I secretly questioned his capability for booze-free entertainment, but stayed aloof. “Anything you can do with alcohol, you can do without. I promise. I’m super fun.“

    “Do you do anything bad?” he asked skeptically. I laughed out loud, thinking how he’d probably never know the truth about my former IV drug use and three years left in probation. 

    “Trust me,” I assured him. “I’m not all good.”

    He had a teasing smile. “Oh yeah?” Sweetly persistent and skilled at flattery, he convinced me to bring our dogs to his place. They could play in the backyard and we could watch Netflix. 

    What the hell, I thought. Prove you can be fun!

    Within 15 minutes, I was standing in his small, tidy apartment. He’d called me beautiful and made his interest in me obvious. Did this mean we were going to make out? Was I ready? Do I make the first move? What are the rules?

    In the past, this was easy. Drink, flirt, and use alcohol as an excuse for whatever indiscretion occurred. Sober dating is not easy. Sober sex is on a whole other level. 

    He spoke, blessedly interrupting my thoughts. “I’m going to have a whiskey, do you mind? I’m really nervous.” 

    “Go ahead, of course!” I answered bravely, but thought REALLY?!?! Not fair!! I’m stone cold sober, trying to navigate first date rules, and you get to wash away your worries with hard liquor while I sip water to tame my cottonmouth. UGH!

    He poured a hefty amount of Jack Daniels over ice, and I took the opportunity to use the bathroom. 

    Shutting the door behind me, I leaned against it, worrying. Is he going to kiss me? Or more? Is my deodorant still working? Should I wash under my arms? I should use his mouthwash!

    The mirror reflected back glossy color on my freshly styled hair, nervous rosy cheeks, and a trace of pink lipstick that had mostly wiped off on the Fresca. I looked decent. I’m not a bad catch, for a sober chick. Wait, what if he tastes like liquor? Is it weird if I ask him to use mouthwash? No that’s crazy. Or is it? 

    Leaning into the sink to wash my hands, a familiar sight stood out on the countertop: the bright, cunning orange of a medicine vial. Right there, in plain sight. No cupboard snooping necessary. 

    My vision went fuzzy on the edges. Drying my hands on a towel, I waited for the buzzing feeling to dissipate. I’ve been sober awhile, but I’m not immune to triggers. Medication bottles are not just benign bathroom articles. 

    I chewed on my bottom lip and thought over my next move. One of the labels was readily visible: “Metoprolol.” Phew, I thought. Heart medicine. No big deal. Without warning, my hand took over and snatched up another bottle, turning it label side up. 

    Hydrocodone-acetaminophen. Otherwise known as Vicodin.

    Fuck.

    I set it back down, but picked up another. 

    Oxycodone hydrochloride. Percocet.

    Double fuck. 

    Opiates were my drug of choice, my former best friend and the most seductive, manipulative, toxic lover I’ve ever tangled with. 

    Setting the menacing vial down, I stepped away from the sink, clenching my hands at my sides. 

    I could take a couple. 

    It only took a second for the thought to formulate. I envisioned the euphoric, care-free feeling. Pictured worrisome “first date rules” slipping away, letting go and enjoying the moment.  

    Picking up the bottle once more, I shook it lightly.  

    How many are in here? I bet he wouldn’t notice any missing. 

    The thought was brief. But it was charged with deadly potential. Lucky for me, mindful recovery teaches me I don’t have to believe my thoughts. I have a choice.

    I don’t want this. It isn’t me anymore.

    I extricated myself from the bathroom, delivered from temptation. 

    Taco Guy was on his second tumbler and had stepped outside to smoke. Menthols. Of course! My brand. At least they were, once upon a time. This date presented landmines everywhere I turned. 

    Against my better judgment, I stayed long enough to play with fire. Taco Guy is pretty hot, kind and gainfully employed. I wasn’t planning a future together, but I hadn’t yet ruled out seeing where the night would go. Holding a menthol between my fingertips, I said flirtatiously “It’s been awhile.” I took a drag, hoping I looked dangerous and sexy. Coughing, I just ended up likely looking like a silly girl who hadn’t inhaled in awhile. 

    I stayed long enough to smoke the cigarette and regret it. Long enough to sulk and wish things were different. It’s not fair. I don’t want to be an addict. I want to be normal – I want to be able to get drunk and make out. I wished, for a moment, that Taco Guy and I weren’t so incompatible.

    While I pouted privately, I knew I was kidding myself. The truth is, we are incompatible and I was uncomfortable. I don’t really wish I could drink and have an excuse for my behavior. I definitely don’t wish I could take his pills or go back to using. What I guess I really wanted was just to be on a date where I could be my honest, open, sober-out-loud self. 

    I don’t want to date if I can’t be real. That probably means when I’m genuinely ready, I’ll date guys who are also in recovery. I’d questioned this when I first became single and sober. Who do I date? Can I date someone who drinks regularly? I got my answer this night.  

    Crushing the cigarette in a well-used ashtray, I reached for my keys. 

    He looked rejected. “You’re leaving? I promise to be a gentleman. We’ll just watch a movie.” 

    Within a couple hours in his presence, I’d given in to smoking. Next, I might ask for a sip of whiskey. Once the brown liquid passed my lips, burning the back of my throat, I’d slink into the bathroom. Tilting the bottle of Vicodin back and forth, contemplating the siren song as the pills clicked against one another. 

    Nope. Not gonna happen. I love myself too much to go back there. 

    Driving home, I felt a mix of relief, pride, and sorrow. And a touch of nausea from the cigarette. When was the last time I’d looked a bottle of pills in the face and walked away? 

    The date turned out to be a boobytrap of triggers that I wasn’t totally prepared for. But mindfulness, resilience, accountability – recovery – kicked in when I needed it most. I was tempted, but not overwhelmed. I won that battle.  

    A few days later, Taco Guy texted. I had to be firm and honest. “I can’t date someone who drinks. That’s become very clear. Thanks, and good luck.”

    To my surprise, he replied with a compromise:

    “I shouldn’t drink either. I’ll try to stop. You could be a huge support and help to me with this.”

    As if the triple threat – alcohol, cigarettes and pills – wasn’t enough, co-dependency alarms rang in my ears. The final red flag was flown. 

    Firmly informing him that his request was wildly inappropriate, I blocked his number. 

    Over the last 20+ years, I’ve made really disappointing, damaging relationships decisions. Looking back, all I manage is, “What the fuck were you thinking?” 

    Just for once, I’d like to look at my life and think, “Well done, girl. You’re doing your best. It’s not easy, it’s not painless, but you’re making smart choices.“

    I think that time might be now. I could be doing it right for once. Saying “yes” to a drama free, recovery-centric era of radical self-love. Saying “no” to drugs, alcohol, and self-destructive behavior one nerve-wracking date at a time. 

    Tiffany Swedeen, RN, BSN, CPC/CPRC is a certified life and recovery coach, She Recovers Designated Coach, and a registered nurse in recovery herself from opioids and alcohol. Tiffany lives “sober out loud,” proudly sharing her story through advocacy and blogging and is passionate about helping others do the same. Her goal is to eradicate shame and empower all to live a life of radical self-love. You can contact Tiffany through her website Recover and Rise, read her blog www.scrubbedcleanrn.com and follow her @scrubbedcleanrn. 

    View the original article at thefix.com