Answer Addiction

Tag: spirituality

  • Religion, Secularism, and Spirituality – How Modern AA Gets It Wrong

    Religion, Secularism, and Spirituality – How Modern AA Gets It Wrong

    AA’s founders did not intend for AA to be religious, and unlike many modern-day members, they embraced a broad view of a Higher Power.

    The role of a Higher Power (hereinafter, HP) looms large in today’s recovery landscape. AA adopts it as the centerpiece of its program. Rehabs that adopt the 12 steps as a major part of their treatment protocol do, as well. Even secular groups such as SMART don’t discourage their members from prayer or spiritual belief.

    AA’s Founders: Higher Power Should Transcend Religion

    But to equate religion with HP would be disingenuous and simplistic. AA’s founders intentionally chose the term “HP” because it transcends religion, while encompassing some of its aspects such as spiritual beliefs, meditation and mindfulness.

    In a 1961 letter to Bill Wilson, Carl Jung wrote Spiritus Contra Spiritum which, roughly translated, means: Alcohol addiction can be fought with spirituality. Further, in the same letter, Jung says: “You might be led to that goal by an act of grace or through a personal and honest contact with friends, or through a higher education of the mind beyond the confines of mere rationalism.” You can see that Jung clearly leaves room for a secular path to recovery (namely: fellowship of friends, knowledge).

    What is really striking about Jung’s observation is that it clearly states that an addict is not limited to just a religious/spiritual HP. Not only does Jung allow for non-religious HP, he sees no need to pit the religious against the non-religious, offering the possibility of a symbiotic relationship between them. Bill Wilson seems to agree with Jung on this matter. And while people may point out that in later chapters of the Big Book, Bill speaks of God, it is clear that “God” is simply what Bill chooses to call his HP.

    The Big Book overtly allows for secular approaches to recovery and never flat-out (unlike modern-day AA and its copycats) rejects alternative views. Again, the founders chose to call their HPs God, yet Wilson understood and shared Jung’s thoughts on the matter.

    Many Modern Meetings Equate Higher Power with God

    This is not, however, what modern-day AA is about. In many meetings the newcomer is taught that the 12 steps are Gospel and HP is God (hence, the incessant recitation of the Lord’s Prayer). Yet half of the original fellowship was cut from agnostic cloth, according to Wilson himself (and including himself). Had they all been religious zealots, there never would have been the need for AA in the first place. The Oxford groups would have soldiered on en masse. The authors go on to say that their understanding of the Spirit is all-inclusive and never exclusive, and this is exactly where modern-day AA went astray from the original meaning of the Big Book.

    What is good for the goose is good for the gander, and if one adopts a broad view of HP (as envisioned by Wilson and supported by Jung), then the following belief should be a fair game.

    The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (hereinafter, CFSM) although widely-known is not an officially recognized religion in the U.S. However, The First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution provides fertile ground for many quasi-religious views, however lighthearted or crazy (which religions are not?), and who is to say that this particular imaginary friend is somehow less credible than any other?

    If someone believes strongly enough, they will tap into whatever force they believe in, whether they are Christians believing in the power of Christ, Wiccans believing in the power of nature and the Goddess (or Goddesses), Atheists believing in the power of their own mind or of science, or Pastafarians believing in the FSM. And let us not forget Jung’s trifecta.

    Yes, some religions make it easier than others. The more developed a set of religious dogmas is, the handier it becomes when tangling with the unknown. Modern-day religions are nuanced clever hoaxes that provide a detailed roadmap to their particular Higher Power to all comers for a small fee (usually a tax-free, labor-free existence plus a little something for the priest).

    AA and other fellowships are not that far behind. Any modern-day 12-step-based program has a religion-based Higher Power front and center. Passing the plate across the aisles is so familiar that it triggers a muscle memory when reaching for the wallet. The elders lead the chorus, the speaker preaches (excuse me, shares) and a religious-like unity bordering on trance ensues.

    Founders Wanted AA to Be Accessible to Believers and Non-Believers

    And while the CFSM is obviously intended to be tongue in cheek, there are some members who take it seriously. And even if others don’t, who is to say that the Pastafari faith is not capable of tapping into their Higher Power in order to heal? Why would it not be in the spiritual tool kit that AA (and by extension all other “A”s) so often references? Why can’t a Flying Spaghetti Monster be as believable as any other man-created deity? After all, they are all equally unprovable and some are even more far-fetched than the Carb-Laden Creator.

    When the founders settled on a Higher Power described as a “God of your understanding,” they were most likely not envisioning a flying spaghetti monster. They weren’t envisioning anything at all. They left that up to each of us to choose. And they intended to leave the door open to anyone with a desire to stop drinking. That includes believers and non-believers, alike.

    View the original article at thefix.com

  • Using Spiritual or Religious Beliefs when Fighting Addiction

    Using Spiritual or Religious Beliefs when Fighting Addiction

    ARTICLE OVERVIEW: Religious and spiritual beliefs can moderate the relationship between life stressors and quality of life. In fact, reliance on your beliefs can give you hope, strength, and provide meaning in addiction recovery.

    TABLE OF CONTENTS:

    What does the science say?

    Advocates of the 12 Steps and a spiritual way of life have been saying for decades that faith and belief are cornerstones to recovery. However, agnostics and atheists still have a hard time accepting the notion that spirituality must be a part of recovery. So, what does the science say?

    The facts are quite clear. Persons with strong religious beliefs report higher levels of life satisfaction, greater happiness, and fewer negative psychosocial consequences of traumatic life events.

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    In fact, scientific literature strongly supports the notion that spiritual or religious beliefs can enhance health and quality of life, also called QOL. In a review of 200 + studies, positive relationships were reported between a person’s belief and positive life outcomes. Indeed, the following positive relationships have been documented in people who actively practice religion in their lives:

    • Improved coping abilities
    • Greater emotional well-being
    • Reduced psychopathology
    • Physical and functional status

    These studies show that religious and spiritual beliefs typically play a positive role in adjustment and in better health. Furthermore, spirituality was included in the World Health Organization’s Quality of Life instrument, the WHOQOL, after focus group participants worldwide reported that spirituality was an important component of their QOL.

    The bottom line is: Suspended disbelief can lead to wonders.

    And if so, what are we up against? First, we are fighting inner demons. Then, we have to fight the world outside.

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    Common beliefs about addiction

    We find that addiction recovery is an uphill struggle. Not only do we deal with the inner demons, we are also demonized by the world around us. People who are diagnosed with substance use disorders may experience stigma as a consequence of the culturally endorsed stereotypes that surround the health condition. In addition, social stigma links addictive behaviors to a range of other health conditions such as:

    • HIV/AIDS
    • Hepatitis C virus
    • Mental illness
    • Unsafe behaviors (e.g. impaired driving)
    • Social problems (e.g. poverty, criminality)

    The negative stereotypes around addiction guide social action, public policy and allocation of health-care expenditures. Very often people who have substance use disorders are perceived to have control over their illness.

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    The blame and pressure thrown at us during addiction can change the way we view ourselves.

    People respond to this stigma with anger and punishment or avoidance, holding people in addiction recovery wholly responsible for their behavior. Psychological breakdown is a common occurrence during these hard emotional and/or physical attacks. So, how might we build resilience as we fight addiction? How can we fall back onto spiritual or religious practice?

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    Core concepts of addiction

    Before we examine the ways that we can use our own beliefs in recovery, it can help to look at models and concepts. It’s helpful to know how people see addiction…so that we can begin to position ourselves in the world accordingly. This serves two purposes. First, you can start to understand how and what others believe about addiction. Second, you can strengthen your own belief.

    These different concepts of addiction have been based in research but are not conclusive. Indeed, some have fallen out of professional acceptance altogether, such as the moral volitional model. Even though these outdated concepts do not accurately describe the nature of addiction, individuals may hold beliefs related to these concepts. So, although research suggests that addiction does not result from weak morals, people may believe that addicts lack moral fortitude. The most common core concepts of addiction follow.

    1. The Moral or Volitional Concept.

    The moral model finds people lacking in moral fortitude and suffering from addiction as a result of weakness. Proponents of this model deny that addiction is in any way an illness. Any reported “loss of control” is interpreted as evidence of weak character and depravity.

    2. The Psychoanalytic Concept.

    The psychoanalytic model defines addiction as the result of an underlying neurosis. Treatment consists of psychotherapy which seeks to lead to a mature lifestyle by penetrating early childhood emotions and memories. Therapy is typically a long and involved process with minimal success. The psychoanalytic model gave rise to notion of the addictive personality, which is the idea that certain negative personality traits are common to anyone diagnosed with substance use disorder.

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    3. The Family Interaction Concept.

    Family-interaction proponents view alcoholism or drug addiction as a role assigned to an individual family member, while the other relatives play complementary parts. Because the family members define themselves by the roles they play, removing the key actor results in the other members trying to restore him/her to an addictive state. A life of sobriety is possible with family therapy.

    4. The Alcoholics Anonymous Concept.

    The Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) model states that alcoholism is a spiritual problem. The group identifies a need for a spiritual recovery in order to lead a life of sobriety. Participation in the meeting of AA helps the recovering alcoholic to maintain his/her relationship with a healing Higher Power. The AA model also states that untreated, alcoholism is a progressive and fatal disease, specifically a disease of the mind.

    5. The Disease Concept.

    The disease concept, or medical model, describes addiction as a progressive disease with its own set of symptoms. Often, the disease is hereditary and can be fatal. Most at risk are those whose body chemistry allows them to become addicted more readily than the general population. Under the medical model, addiction must be identified as a primary disorder and treated as such.

    6. The Adaptive Model.

    The adaptive model of addiction defines addiction as a failure to reach adult levels of integration. This failure drives the individual to find substitutes to provide meaning, social support, and organization. As a heuristic for clinical intervention and treatment, the disease concept serves a purpose. However, if its purpose is only to be an antidote for the guilt individuals feel over his/her substance use, then other models should be considered.

    Can your beliefs help you recover from addiction?

    Yes!

    Your beliefs can help you recover from addiction. In addition to enhancing the quality of life and offering resiliency in stressful situations, spiritual and religious beliefs have been studied in association with substance use behavior.

    Studies have shown that spirituality and religiosity reduced the impact of life stress on initial level of substance use and on rate of growth in substance use over time among adolescents.

    Possible protective mechanisms conferred by religious involvement may include:

    • Avoidance of drugs.
    • Social support advocating abstinence or moderation.
    • Time-occupying activities that are incompatible with drug use.
    • Promotion of pro-social values by the religious affiliation that includes leading a drug-free life.

    Additionally, many studies support the notion that religiousness and spirituality can increase success rates and help you attain and maintain your sobriety. Recovering individuals often report that religion and/or spirituality are critical factors in the recovery process. Research has shown that spirituality increases from pre to post-recovery and that among recovering individuals, higher levels of religious beliefs and spirituality are associated with cognitive processes which have been linked to more positive health outcomes, including:

    • Higher resilience to stress
    • Lower levels of anxiety
    • More optimistic life orientation
    • Positive & effective coping skills

    In sum, there is support for the positive impact that spiritual and religious beliefs can have on minimizing substance use behavior.

    Your Questions

    After reading, this article, we imagine that you might want to weigh in. What’s your perspective? Or, do you still have questions that you’d like to learn the answers to? Feel free to ask us anything about this topic. We will do our best to provide you with a personal, and prompt response.

    Reference Sources:  Illinois Wesleyan University: Concepts of Addiction: Assessing the Beliefs of Addiction in University and Treatment Center Populations
    NCBI: The Role of Social Supports, Spirituality, Religiousness, Life Meaning and Affiliation with 12-Step Fellowships in Quality of Life Satisfaction Among Individuals in Recovery from Alcohol and Drug Problems
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    View the original article at addictionblog.org

  • How Does AA Work? A Review of the Evidence

    How Does AA Work? A Review of the Evidence

    AA is cloaked in misconceptions and mysticism: a society of “former drunks” who tout spirituality as a means to cure the chronic, genetic, and life-threatening disease of alcoholism.

    Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), as an organization, “neither endorses nor opposes any causes.” But AA, as a societal symbol, is very controversial. People have strong opinions about its benefits and its dangers. It’s an organization cloaked in misconceptions and mysticism: an anonymous society of “former drunks” who tout spirituality as a means to cure the chronic, genetic, and life-threatening disease of alcohol use disorder (AUD). There is no denying that many have found support and achieved recovery through involvement in 12-step programs. That has left researchers with the question: what mechanisms are at work behind the scenes?

    Peer Support Groups like AA Increase Oxytocin

    Participation in mutual help programs may increase levels of oxytocin, the feel-good hormone. Nicknamed the “love hormone,” it is released when people bond socially or physically. A neurobiological view of addiction recovery might look at how oxytocin plays on the brains of people in a treatment program. Oxytocin increases when bonding socially with others in AA and there are other neuroplasticity rewards that come from 12-step program participation. Interactions with other members improve the connectivity between the part of the brain that makes decisions and the “craving behavior” part of the brain.

    The oxytocin system is created before age four and its development can be affected by variables such as genetic differences within the receptor itself, or environmental causes like stress or trauma. An underdeveloped oxytocin system is a risk factor for drug addiction. Healthy levels of “oxytocin can reduce the pleasure of drugs and feeling of stress.” Creating opportunities for healthy oxytocin production could benefit people in recovery from addiction.

    Oxytocin also boosts feelings of spirituality, according to Duke University research. The study defined spirituality as “the belief in a meaningful life imbued with a sense of connection to a Higher Power, the world, or both.” Study participants who received a dose of oxytocin prior to meditation reported higher levels of positive emotions and feelings of spirituality. The effects lasted until at least one week after the initial experience.

    Do AA Prayers Reduce Cravings?

    Researchers at the NYU Langone Medical Center used brain imaging to see what, if any, effect praying has on the brains of AA members. They were able to see increased activity in the areas of the brain associated with attention and emotion during prayer which correlated with a reduced craving for alcohol. When exposed to triggers such as passing a bar or experiencing an emotional upset, people who were abstinent from alcohol but not members of AA were significantly less likely to experience the benefits of “abstinence-promoting prayers.” This brain activity seems to also be associated with a “spiritual awakening.”

    A spiritual awakening is not necessarily about the divine; rather, it’s an awareness of needing resources that are beyond the reach of a person’s individual ego. This awareness causes a shift that alters one’s perspective about drinking. There are also physiologic changes that seem to occur with increased spiritual awakening/awareness. In previous research, those who were directed to pray daily for four weeks drank half as much as the study participants who were directed to not pray.

    Research published in the last five years has tried to find ways to measure effectiveness in 12-step programs, in a way that is unbiased and scientific. One such study published in 2014 discovered that spiritual (rather than behavioral) 12-step work was important for later abstinence.

    Spirituality Is Not for Everyone

    Not everyone who enters AA experiences a spiritual awakening. According to a review of 25 years of research, it seems that only a minority of people with severe addiction experience this spiritual Aha! moment. While a sense of spirituality creates changes in the brain that can be measured on an MRI machine, there are other aspects of AA — social, mental, and emotional — that aid recovery for the majority of participants.

    Twelve-step programs can help addiction recovery because of their ability to propagate therapeutic mechanisms similar to the coping tools and behavioral strategies that are utilized in formal treatments. AA has a lot of parallels with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT is an evidence-based form of psychotherapy that is effective over just a short period of time. In CBT, patients learn new habits through increasing self-awareness, overcoming fears, taking personal responsibility, and developing shifts in perspective. These are the same underpinnings as the 12 steps.

    Clinical interventions that encourage 12-step participation are more successful than clinical interventions that do not encourage attendance. Meeting attendance, sponsorship, and active involvement have come up in multiple studies as being positively correlated with continued abstinence, highlighting the critical nature of connection to others as part of an effective plan for managing addiction long term.

    12-Step Programs as a Useful Management Tool

    Addiction is a chronic illness with no cure, according to AA literature as well as the medical community, and chronic illnesses require lifelong management. AA can be a good ally in the quest to maintain a healthy lifestyle free of active addiction.

    The International Journal of Nursing Education published a study that sought to learn about the quality of life for those attending AA as opposed to those who are not attending AA. They found a significant difference, with those who attend AA reporting a better quality of life than non-attendees.

    When looking at meeting attendance over long periods of time, abstinence patterns can be predicted. For people who went through inpatient treatment, the pattern shows that meeting attendance is highest during treatment and reduces at a steady pace afterwards. With reduction in attendance there is also a reduction in abstinence from using drugs or alcohol. Findings from many long-term studies suggest that meeting attendance is important in early recovery and for successful long-term recovery. The reasons for this echo other research findings: community matters.

    Dangers Inherent to 12-Step Groups

    The nature of AA and other 12-step programs leaves them to be individually organized and without a central governance. There is no oversight and no quality controls. Abuse, inappropriate behavior, bad advice, and social ostracizing can happen.

    Perhaps most dangerous is when a single solution is pushed on someone for whom a different angle would work better. Individual satisfaction with treatment plays a major role in “subsequent psychiatric severity,” which means that recovery rates are lower for people who are unsatisfied with the addiction treatment they receive. The World Health Organization suggests that to improve treatment outcomes and engagement with treatment, patient satisfaction ought to be a focus when caring for people with substance use disorders.

    AA provides a range of pathways to recovery, but it is not the one-size-fits-all approach it claims to be. It’s particularly challenging for people who also have a diagnosis of (or just struggle with) social anxiety. It’s common for AUD to exist alongside social anxiety. The fear of being negatively appraised can impede progress in recovery. Long-term participation in mutual aid groups such as AA may reduce social anxiety but overcoming that hump in early recovery may require clinical interventions or alternative treatments.

    Did you find recovery in 12-step programs or did you have a negative experience? Let us know in the comments.

    View the original article at thefix.com

  • Support for President Trump is Not Sober

    Support for President Trump is Not Sober

    We would not accept from our sponsees things that President Trump does, without remorse, on a daily basis.

    If you go to 12-step meetings and you’re a MAGA person, here’s something fun to try. Pick a public statement of President Trump’s — one that isn’t explicitly political, as we wouldn’t want politics to sully the rooms — and share it with the group. Don’t cheat by picking something bland, choose a real Trumpian one. Call a woman “horseface,” maybe, or say of Mexicans, “They’re rapists.” Or if you want to bring up rape, raise your hand and tell your fellow addicts that women who don’t report rapes to the police are lying.

    Yes, yes, Alcoholics Anonymous is a non-partisan, non-political organization that, to quote the famous preamble, “does not wish to engage in any controversy, [and] neither endorses nor opposes any causes.” That’s great, for what it is — AA as an organization isn’t about to make grand proclamations about the issues. But nothing you shared with the group, hopefully not your home group, was really “political.” You just put forth your point of view, like the President does on Twitter every day. How do you feel? How is the room looking at you? Are you ashamed?

    it’s a cop-out to believe that the AA program has nothing to say about anything deemed “political.” Whatever your feelings on taxes or immigration, there’s no question that Trump doesn’t represent sober (in the 12-step sense) values. And it’s actually far worse: Trump, in his embrace and encouragement of resentment and ego, has made himself into a symbol of self-centeredness, a totem of negativity. His morals are about as far removed from sobriety as morals get, and he’s actively bringing down his followers with him. You cannot support this man and call yourself sober. Dry, maybe. Not sober.

    Calm down. This is not as limiting as it first sounds. Because Trump is unique, and support for his presidency is also a unique kind of support, there’s not much overlap with pure partisan issues when it comes to what is and isn’t “sober” as we 12-step adherents understand the word. I’m not here to tell people how to advocate for low taxes, reduce regulations, build a wall on the southern border, or that they need to repent and get right with the spirit of Bill W. I’m of the libertarian/anarchist bent, so if AA is a program for leftists, I better go check out LifeRing. I’m talking about Donald Trump as a man, what he stands for, and what emotional reactions he encourages (and in turn benefits from) in those who support him.

    If you get past the simplistic idea that AA is “non-partisan,” none of this should be too surprising. Trump’s whole life has been about his own gratification at the expense of the world, like mine was when I would guzzle vodka for days on end. In his 2005 book How to Get Rich, he explained: “Show me someone with no ego and I’ll show you a big loser.” (I can’t imagine he would think too highly of the idea that “Twelve Steps deflate ego.”) His supporters like this about Trump — that he is unabashedly self-seeking, proudly vain, constantly boastful, and in a way, I get that. It’s fun, and forbidden, but it certainly isn’t how we hope to model ourselves, or for that matter guide our sponsees; but as entertainment? There’s a certain magnetism.

    The bigger problem with President (no longer entertainer) Trump, for those of us who wish to live sober lives, is that he has embraced the role of playing on and promoting resentment, the thing the Big Book says “destroys more alcoholics than anything else.” His public persona, tweets, and political strategy have all become inseparable from his desire to inflame the ugliest sides of human emotion, the sides that we recovering alcoholics try to manage with grace and magnanimity. He tells his followers, both implicitly and outright: allow yourselves to be bitter; indulge your righteous anger; lash out and never apologize. If anything can conclusively be called “un-sober,” it is the celebration of resentment, and that is what the #MAGA movement stands for.

    Trump’s infamous and above-quoted take on Mexicans — “They’re rapists” — is nothing more or less than a naked appeal to the very sort of shit we sober folks try to avoid rolling around in — and this was in his campaign announcement speech! Since then, Trump has expanded this resentment narrative, directing the bitterness of his followers laser-like toward Muslims, immigrants, and women. He dubbed the midterms the “caravan election,” explicitly and unapologetically stoking fear and hate for a group of impoverished people who may or may not arrive at our border in 6 to 8 weeks.

    Look, you can feel any way you want about the legalistic issue of who should and shouldn’t be allowed in America. But sober people who give in to the caravan fear-mongering, or who play into the resentment culture Trump fosters, are trashing whatever spiritual development the 12 steps have helped them achieve. Is one president worth that?

    Maybe Trump does things like this for political expediency more than a desire to single out groups of people — I’m not the therapist he clearly needs — but the effect is to inflame and encourage resentment. This was certainly the result of his declaration that “very fine people” were part of the Charlottesville white supremacist march, and his prolonged foray into claiming that Barack Obama wasn’t born in America. Racism is resentment purified and focused. If we can’t call racist dog-whistling contrary to AA thinking, I’m not sure AA thinking is good for much of anything.

    We would not accept from our sponsees things that President Trump does, without remorse, on a daily basis. “Progress, not perfection,” goes the sobriety cliché. Trump luxuriates in his lack of progress. He infamously refuses to apologize — or even express some contrition — for his worst comments. With two years of the presidency under his belt, he took great joy in mocking (in public, at a massive rally) a woman who at the very least sincerely believed herself to be a sexual assault survivor. The day after an election he claimed to be happy about, he mocked members of his own party who lost — it’s hard to think of a less gracious way of behaving. As addicts we make mistakes, but we recognize that to live an honest life we need to evaluate those mistakes and learn from them. Trump just doesn’t give a shit about this, and in his role as the most powerful person in the world, he’s uniquely able to beam this way of thinking directly into the psyches of his followers. He is kryptonite to sobriety.

    There is a difference between making mistakes and acting selfishly and egotistically — something we all do, and something that George W. Bush and Barack Obama did often — and basing your entire public life around encouraging others to indulge in what Step Six calls “self-righteous anger,” of the sort that “brings a comfortable feeling of superiority.” The 12 steps take as a given that we have a higher nature that our addiction obscures. How can we then express admiration or support for someone who proudly parades his lack of that higher nature, and asks others to follow his lead?

    Some readers might be puzzled as to how Trump’s rhetoric could appeal to allegedly spiritually aware people, and while it seems odd, but it isn’t. All things considered, if Trump’s public persona is attractive to these AAs — or even if they fail to see the damage his verbal assaults inflict on the psyches of individuals and the nation as a whole — they are simply not sober. They have egocentrically taken back their will at a massive cost to those around them. They are dry, maybe, but they are not sober. And as we all know, the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous are filled with people of various levels of spiritual sobriety.

    I don’t think so-called “normies” like Trump (and yes, it is weird to think of him as normal) should be held to the standards we hold ourselves to as recovering addicts. But at the same time, we recovering addicts are supposed to recognize the problems with a celebration of ego, selfishness, and most importantly, proud and unapologetic resentment. We wallowed in that for years, and it landed us in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous where we ostensibly hoped to redirect our energies to our better natures. Let’s practice what we preach in sobriety. Let’s earn the respect of our sober peers, our sponsors and sponsees, and the people who around us who remember us at our worst.

    There are members of the groups Trump singles out in AA rooms across the country. There are transgender people — the administration’s recent target — in the LGBT meetings I attend here in New York. There are Mexicans recovering from alcohol addiction, including undocumented ones. They don’t have the option of leaving their “politics” at the church basement door. Under this administration, neither do we.

    Trump himself has infamously never had a drink. Maybe that’s the biggest lesson here — we don’t need to be actively drunk to be spiritually wasted.

    View the original article at thefix.com

  • Recovery Myths That Can Hurt You

    Recovery Myths That Can Hurt You

    I could be saying how well I was doing, while the psychic megaphone over my head screamed, “Can’t you see how lonely I am?” Not surprisingly, I wasn’t drawing healthy people into my world.

    When the words “feelings aren’t facts” first pierced my brain, I was hooked. My baseline was misery, so it was a huge relief to believe I was lying to myself. Over the years, I repeated this gospel, too. Until I saw it for what it was—a form of emotional abuse.

    I get it. Many of us have a tendency to dramatize that we’re unaware of, largely because our addiction made life a fuckshow. But our lives continue even after we put our substances down, and the show rolls on. When my sober boyfriend of five years died, I was 24. And five years clean. The tragedy was real.

    In truth, I’d barely learned to identify my feelings. My therapist had finally resorted to pulling out a chart with stick figure faces, each labeled with an emotion. “Pick one,” she encouraged. I needed that chart for a long time. When I tried to express myself in the real world, however, I had a very different experience. 

    “Don’t believe your feelings,” I was cheerily told as I moped around the rooms. But my emotions were the only thing that seemed solid. Even if I wasn’t great at describing them, I experienced the world through my senses. My mindscape was a constant stream of love and hate, desire and abstinence, hunger and disgust.

    I tried to act the part, fake it till I could make it past this sadness, but my actual sentiments came out despite these efforts. I sensed that I was making the people around me uncomfortable. Left alone, my mind went wild. This grieving is going on too long. He was only your boyfriend. No one will ever love you like that again.

    Trying to change my mind about how I felt wasn’t the same as changing my feelings. Yet ignoring my feelings and listening to my supposedly rational mind felt equally horrible. The only thing it did help me succeed at was questioning my every move. I must be doing this wrong, I’d think, vowing to hide better.

    The Psychic Megaphone

    There was just one problem with suppressing the truth—it didn’t work. I didn’t merely sense I was repelling people, I was. I could be saying how well I was doing, while the psychic megaphone over my head screamed, “Can’t you see how lonely I am?” Not surprisingly, I wasn’t drawing healthy people into my world. This had the added bonus of giving me something new and shiny to mull over. These people are messed up!

    My feelings, I now know, were never the issue. It was the stories I told about them that caused the problem, a habit that, like any addiction, got stronger every time I did it. I turned my unworthiness into legend.

    I was scared, too, that I’d be overwhelmed by my emotions. In some sense, I was right to be afraid. Overwhelm reeks of powerlessness, and when I’m powerless, I’m tempted to act out—smoke, spend, eat, fuck, drink.

    I had to learn to grant a healthy to respect my feelings, to pay attention to them without reacting. This is also known as self-soothing, which many people are taught, or learn. But I don’t know of any addicts who sober up with this ability intact. I didn’t get anywhere near it for a decade in sobriety. I’m slow.

    The light at the end of the tunnel is this: when we stop believing our feelings, they lose their power to stop us in our tracks.

    But How Is It Emotional Abuse?

    Telling a person not to believe their feelings is the same as saying they shouldn’t trust themselves. It’s a recipe for slavish dependence. Who are we suggesting that person trust? Why, God of course! And how do we connect with God? Through the steps. The steps lead toward accountability in our lives, and also, prayer and meditation. What happens when that reflection leads back to our emotional lives and we disbelieve ourselves? Some of us develop co-dependent relationships with sponsors, or take hostages in the form of sexual partners. In my case, I relapsed.

    I was desperate to be better already, but I was stuck in disavowing my sorrow. That loop gave me no way to address my grief. I had to believe in something, so I created stories that I could believe, stories that had little to do with the emotions that created them. When telling myself I was garbage got boring, I’d romanticize my addiction instead.

    Psychologist and meditation teacher Tara Brach says that when we disconnect from the entirety of our experience this way, we put ourselves into a trance that keeps us from living fully. This concept of an “unlived life” feels more relevant than the idea that I can’t know happiness if I don’t know sadness, because it points to a solution.

    Now, 22 years away from that relapse, I’d say that suggesting feelings aren’t facts is contrary to the core of 12-step recovery—the freedom to choose a Higher Power. The formula is spiritual. The steps are designed to awaken spirituality within us. If denouncing our needs and desires as liars is part of the program, then this places a condition on our spiritual awakening. And it’s not a condition I’m willing to accept. My spiritual life has to be big enough to encompass the full spectrum of who I am. I’m not interested in “growing up” to be without feelings, good or bad.

    I’ve spoken about this with friends in long-term recovery. “I don’t get it,” one woman said, unable to wrap her mind around the idea that her feelings were legitimate, even after more than 20 years of sobriety.

    I explained it was like being in traffic, and getting angry when someone cuts you off. “I want to run that car off the road!” I might think. It’s true, in the moment I was mad. But my thoughts told a lie. I have zero desire to use my car as a weapon. Am I hair-trigger rage-y in traffic? Maybe something else is going on. Or maybe I was just startled. Our minds exist to find danger, and so tend to be negative.

    The first thing I had to learn to do—rather than criticize myself for being angry, which leads to identifying with the idea that I’m an angry person—was to find comfort. In the car I can put my hand on my chest and remind myself everything is ok.

    Another person commented, “Facts don’t change. Feelings do!”

    I understood where she was coming from, that feelings are malleable. But that doesn’t mean I should deny their reality. Facts have been known to evolve, too. The surest way for an emotion to become fixed is by gaslighting myself. Then my thoughts get murky, and it’s hard not to identify with the thinking. Like with the car example, if I don’t allow myself to see my anger for what it is—mortal fear, or perhaps anger at my boss—I get trapped in, “There’s my anger. I am such an angry person.”

    In fact, I count on my changing emotions—it’s the exact freedom I was seeking in a bottle. By allowing my emotions to settle, I can master the thoughts that arise. If I don’t, who’s running the show? The boyfriend who rejected me? The kids who called me Stinky? My mom?

    When René Descartes made his famous declaration, he was looking for an irrefutable statement. He believed if he could doubt his existence, that was proof of it. But what’s doubt if not a feeling? My thoughts are another matter: my best thinking got me into rehab. I think, therefore I am a liar.

    View the original article at thefix.com