Author: The Fix

Idris Elba's Daughter Details Helping Mom With Mental Health

Isan Elba’s mother Hanne is living with bipolar disorder and depression.

British actor Idris Elba has had a remarkable acting career, from playing Heimdall in Thor and Roland in The Dark Tower, to being hailed People’s Sexiest Man Alive.

Elba’s daughter, 17-year-old Isan, is also successful in her own right as an ambassador to the Golden Globes, and she’s using her position to raise awareness about mental health.

As People explains, Isan’s ambassador role is a personal one because her mother, Hanne “Kim” Norgaard, suffers from mental illness, specifically bipolar disorder, depression and anxiety.

At a luncheon in Beverly Hills, Isan explained, “It was only about two years ago that my mom opened up to me. I’m not going to lie, it’s a struggle every day. It’s a learning lesson for me, but it’s hard. Mental health is something that’s hard to deal with. We just sat down and talked about it, and I think that was better for her, talking about it and talking about it with someone who means the most in her life and just getting that out.”

Once Isan learned what her mother was going through, “It was like, ‘Whoa.’ . . . It was definitely a learning curve. I’m so much closer to my mom now because I know what she’s going through.”

At the luncheon, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association made the announcement that $50,000 would be donated to the Boris Lawrence Henson Foundation in Isan’s name. As the Henson Foundation website states, their goal “is to eradicate the stigma around mental health issues in the African-American community.”

“Mental health, specifically among African Americans and my peers in particular, is something I really want to be more vocal about,” Isan said. “There’s this perceived stigma and I’ve seen friends struggle. We need to empower young people to not be afraid to ask for help.”

Isan told Variety, “Being able to have this platform, and talk about something that I care about that hits home, was really like, ‘Yes, I have to do this.’ It’s something I care about and like I said, using your influence to talk about something you care about or an issue that needs to be fixed, I thought it was the perfect opportunity.”

Isan also explained that after the luncheon, “[She] will still continue to advocate for mental health. And in the African-American community and among teenagers, because I’m both, and it’s such taboo in both communities.”

View the original article at thefix.com

8 January 2019
Heroin-Related "Wound Botulism" Found in San Diego

Nine people have been hospitalized with the heroin-related illness in California.

An outbreak of a rare and life-threatening illness linked to black tar heroin use was discovered in San Diego, prompting health officials in the Southern California city to launch an investigation while warning doctors and IV users alike to be aware of the condition.

The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) reported that nine cases of wound botulism, which is caused by a toxic bacterium entering the body through a wound, were discovered between 2017 and 2018, which resulted in one fatality and intensive care treatment for all nine individuals.

Though the number of cases may seem relatively small, only 20 cases of wound botulism are reported per year for the whole of the United States, so the situation was cause for alarm for both state and national health care officials.

According to the CDC report, two patients with a history of using black tar heroin — so called because of its dark, sticky appearance, caused by crude and often contaminated processing — were believed to have contracted wound botulism though IV drug use.

The County of San Diego Public Health Services (COSD) issued an alert through the California Health Alert Network to notify Southern California doctors of the situation. A subsequent investigation by the COSD and the California Department of Health eventually found nine patients – eight confirmed and one probable – by April of 2018.

All nine were IV drug users, and seven reported using black tar heroin. Of the latter number, six reportedly injected the drug through “skin popping,” or injecting the drug under the skin.

Symptoms of wound botulism typically manifest several days after injecting the contaminated drugs and may include double or blurred vision, slurred speech, dry mouth and muscle weakness.

If left unchecked, it can result in labored breathing and even paralysis. However, many of these symptoms coincide with signs of opioid use or overdose, and in four of the cases, the individuals were initially diagnosed with drug intoxication, and two were treated with the overdose reversal drug naloxone.

Eventually, all of the patients were diagnosed with wound botulism and treated with heptavalent botulism antitoxin (BAT), and eight were transferred to long-term care facilities; the ninth patient declined further treatment. One of the eight died after nine days in long-term care.

The COSD issued health alerts in 2017 and 2018 notifying health care providers to inform IV drug users about the risks of contracting wound botulism and asking them to carefully observe patients reporting IV drug use history for symptoms. One day after the 2018 alert, clinicians reported additional cases of suspected wound botulism for two hospitalized patients.

The CDC’s report concluded with a request for heightened awareness of the condition for both doctors and IV drug users, in light of the national opioid crisis.

Dr. Sayone Thihalolipavan, the deputy public health officer for San Diego County, reiterated the need for careful observation of IV drug patients.

“Even if they’re seeking treatment, providers might not be recognizing it for what it is,” he said. “Patients can think they’re feeling out of whack due to the drug itself and not realize that the drug is actually contaminated.”

View the original article at thefix.com

8 January 2019
How to Keep Your New Year's Resolutions, Ten Minutes at a Time

You can keep your New Year’s resolutions just by devoting ten minutes to certain simple daily tasks. I’ve seen people build websites in 10-minute increments, write screenplays, do taxes, and even date!

I want to work out more. I want to lose five pounds. I want to drink less. Have better relationships. I used to love making New Year’s resolutions. I would write my list, check it twice, and write another one, and another, and another. I loved writing lists. It made me feel productive, organized, on top of things; in control. I can’t tell you how many lists I wrote that had “drink less” on it. Or “save money.” “Get in better shape.” I wanted to be perfect because I thought that would get rid of the anxiety and the feeling that something was very, very wrong.

The only thing that worked for me was recovery. AA, DA, SLAA, and Alanon have become my cocktail of choice. But as they say, “program” is not self-improvement, it’s self-acceptance and, of course, surrender.

I was talking to a friend yesterday who was chowing down the candy at a SLAA holiday potluck. She laughingly said she was out of control. She’s in a few programs and goes to OA occasionally; she’s not sure she really identifies.

“I really want to lose some weight this year,” she said. I asked if she tried Weight Watchers because it seemed to work for some people.

“I’ve tried everything. The only thing that works for me is self-will. It may not sound program to say that, but it’s true. I just set my mind to it and I can control my food and lose weight. All on the strength of will.” She helps herself to another cookie.

“Is it sustainable?” I ask.

She looks at me then sighs. “No. It works for a time – even a long time, but then eventually I give up.”

I understood. I tried to quit drinking or “drink responsibly” so many times and then, like my friend, eventually gave up and went back. I could not do it on my own will. Some people can. And based on un-scientific observation, a few of them are sorta happy and not complete assholes. I have a friend who quit drinking without any program in his 20’s and never looked back. He may be a little workaholic-y (not like I’m taking his inventory or anything) but he seems pretty happy, and not, as they say, “dry.”

I can’t speak for other people’s process, but I can say that now that I’ve found recovery, I don’t drink (aka I’m sober), I have an IRA, and I don’t use unsecured debt. In terms of SLAA, I don’t have sex outside of a committed relationship. I also meditate regularly and exercise maybe three times a week, sometimes more, sometimes less.

I still do love the illusion of being “perfect” but I have to admit that as I get older, or perhaps accumulate more time in recovery, it compels me less. When I first got sober, I would think of myself conceptually, like I was a conceptual art piece. It wasn’t conscious and it was only in retrospect that I noticed it. It was like I was outside my body and I looked at myself like a piece of clay that I wanted to mold. It was an idea of me. Just like I had an idea of who my boyfriend was, or what our relationship was going to be or “should” be. Or just like I had an idea of who my dad was supposed to be. Or what life should be like. They were all concepts. Ideas. Fantasies. And they all were outside of me. From me, but looking in from the outside.

I am learning to trust myself more. I think that’s hard for an addict. That still small voice – is it safe to trust her? But as I get to know the lay of the land of my dis-ease and recovery, and I do it within a community, I find that, yeah, I can trust her and wow, I can maybe even trust life. And if I want to make sure that life doesn’t get dry and brittle, I’d better start listening to that inner voice because that voice is deeply connected to my higher power. And that higher power is intrinsically linked to the life around me.

And to that end (here come the lists!):

I want to be more present
Find work that is more rewarding
Reconnect to my creativity
Date in a fun and juicy way
Furnish my new apartment
Continue to expand my community
Volunteer

So how do I do it?

In my local Debtors Anonymous, a guy named Chris created the DA Tools Game. It is brilliant. Everyone gets into teams of about four and you play for four weeks against the other teams. The team with the most points wins. You gain points by taking four daily actions. And each action you do for exactly ten minutes, not more, not less.

The first action is making an outreach call to one of your team members to check in. The second action is spiritual/financial (which is usually recording what you spent your money on or opening your bills, etc.) The third action is self-care (stretching, taking a walk, listening to music). The fourth action is income expansion so that can be sending out a résumé, following up on a lead, or updating your website. Once you choose what your action is going to be, you have to commit to it for the whole month otherwise you lose points. This is to avoid the monkey mind that wants to switch things up all the time – especially when things feel uncomfortable. So if you choose taking a short walk as your self-care action, you can’t, after week one, switch it to yoga – unless you check in with your team first. And the consequence is losing 100 points (ouch!).

The brilliance of this game is that you get to see how much can be accomplished in ten-minute segments each day. Some people will have decluttering as their self-care action and will spend the ten minutes every day that month decluttering their home office and then, lo and behold, they find themselves in a new relationship, or career path, or, at the very least, a clean office! The phone calls keep us accountable and provide support. I’ve seen people build a website in ten-minute increments, write a screenplay, do their taxes, and even date!

Every action gets 25 points so if you do all your actions in a day, you get 100 points and the team with the most points at the end of the month wins. It’s a great way to accelerate one’s recovery: “Just for today, I will do my numbers for ten minutes. Just for today, I will work on my résumé…for ten minutes. Just for today, I will listen to music. Just for today, I will make a phone call to a fellow.” It cuts right through the obsession of perfection, the obsession of self-will, procrastination, and isolation.

Granted, there are those who are able, through the sheer force of their own will, to change their lives. There are a ton of YouTubers talking all about that. I think that’s awesome. But that has never worked for me. And when it did (for a time), I was not a very fun person to be around. There wasn’t much room for intimacy when I was like that.

But just for today… I will not drink. I will not debt. I will not act out. I will call a fellow. I will meditate. I will take actions to increase my earnings. And other “top line” behaviors (as they say in SLAA) would be: having fun, dancing, singing, going to yoga, cooking, sponsoring, being sponsored, doing the steps, reading literature, and practicing gratitude. A lot of those actions were on previous New Year’s resolution lists but, prior to recovery, the chance that they would become a part of my life was close to zero.

Let me know your thoughts on how your life has changed and what resolutions you’ve made in the past or want to make today. I would love to hear your experiences with this stuff because there are as many approaches as there are people. Let me know in the comments.

And Happy New Year! Happy New Day.

View the original article at thefix.com

8 January 2019
Lawsuits Aim To Benefit Kids Born Dependent On Opioids

One West Virginia law firm is reviewing up to 200 cases of children born with neonatal abstinence syndrome (NAS).

Last year, dozens of lawsuits were filed against pharmaceutical manufacturers and distributors for the role they play in the opioid crisis.

Many were filed by states and cities in an attempt to recoup the costs they’ve shouldered as the result of what they say were irresponsible prescribing and misleading marketing of opioid pain pills.

Now, a movement is at hand to try to recoup damages for the hundreds of infants born dependent on opioids, many of whom will have life-long health affects.

“I really think that we lose the real human toll that the opioid crisis has taken if we’re not bringing cases on behalf of actual human beings who were victimized by the flood of pills that were pumped in here,” Booth Goodwin, an attorney in Charleston, West Virginia, told The Charleston Gazette-Mail.

Goodwin’s firm, Goodwin & Goodwin LLP, is reviewing up to 200 cases of children born with neonatal abstinence syndrome (NAS).

Goodwin has already lodged a lawsuit on behalf of Andriana Riling, an 11-year-old from West Virginia who has NAS and is being raised by her grandparents.

“Her case is just kind of typical for what you hear from throughout Southern West Virginia,” Goodwin said. “She lost her father even before she was born in a drug-related car accident. Her birth mother is hopelessly addicted to pills and opioids in general.”

The lawsuit alleges that Purdue Pharma, Endo Health Solutions and Pharmaceuticals, McKesson Corp., Cardinal Health, AmerisourceBergen and Mallinckrodt all bear responsibility for Riling’s condition for their role in making and distributing the opioids that Riling’s mother took during her pregnancy.

Although most of the lawsuits against the opioid manufacturers and distributors have been lumped together under the jurisdiction of a federal judge in Cleveland, Ohio, Goodwin argues that cases involving children with NAS should remain separate so that the unique details of each case can be shown, rather than lumping them together in a class action suit.

“Each one of them is affected a little bit different,” he said. “And we want to make sure that we focus on each one of these individual children.”

He said that the individual cases will focus more on the specific ways these children have been affected by the practices of the companies that are named as defendants. The federal case in Ohio will focus more on the overarching — and perhaps illegal — practices that companies had in place. Because of that, Goodwin’s firm filed a motion to keep Riling’s case from being combined with the Cleveland cases.

“The complaint contains very specific allegations, unique to this case, with respect to prescribing doctors and pharmacies,” attorneys wrote when they requested that the case be heard separately. “Although there are generalized facts at issue in both [the Cleveland cases] and the Rilings’ case regarding the reprehensible conduct of the defendants, this overlap is minor.”

They continued, “[The Cleveland cases] potentially involve comparative fault on the part of the plaintiffs, while Riling, a child born opioid dependent, is an innocent victim who is inherently and completely blameless.”

While Goodwin waits to hear whether the case will be heard on its own, his law firm is continuing to look for children with NAS, which affected up to 5% of births in West Virginia during the peak years of the opioid epidemic.

View the original article at thefix.com

8 January 2019
Pot Legalization A Priority for 2019, Gov. Cuomo Says

Cuomo has positioned legalization as a key factor in “the most progressive agenda this state has ever seen, period.”

The state of New York inched closer to major marijuana legalization and reform when Governor Andrew Cuomo announced that recreational marijuana should be legalized “once and for all” in early 2019.

Speaking on December 17, 2018 and again in his inaugural address on January 1, 2019, Cuomo included legalization, as well as an end to “needless and unjust criminal convictions” for possession, as part of his administration’s agenda for the first 100 days of the new year.

Cuomo’s latest push for legalization comes at a time when support is reaching large and diverse numbers: Half of metro-area New York residents and the New York City mayor, Bill de Blasio, have expressed support for such a measure. The decision has far-ranging implications for the state – as WABC in New York noted, City Comptroller Scott Stringer estimated that the state stands to reap approximately $1.3 million in annual tax revenue from legalization.

For his part, Cuomo has positioned legalization as a key factor in “the most progressive agenda this state has ever seen, period,” and one that includes justice reform, gun control, affordable health care and increased spending on the state’s infrastructure, and which can be viewed as rebuke of the Trump administration.

“When they write the history books and ask what did we do – in the face of anger and division, when people were disillusioned, let New York’s answer be that in this defining moment we brought healing and light and hope and progress and action,” said Cuomo in prepared remarks during his inaugural speech. “That New York led on legalizing recreational marijuana, bringing justice and new economic opportunity, not for rich corporations, but for the poor communities that paid too high a price for too long.”

District Attorney Gonzalez’s actions in Brooklyn echoed Cuomo’s message of progressive reform by asking for the removal of 28 past convictions for misdemeanor possession charges. The court also vacated 1,400 open warrants for individuals who missed court appearances for marijuana possession charges.

“I do not believe these cases keep us safer,” Gonzalez said. “They cause a lot of distrust in our justice system. We all here know there is a tremendous racial disparity in respect to how these cases have been enforced in the past.”

Gonzalez added that the decision to clear the convictions does not indicate a blanket response to all such past charges but instead reflects the growing legal attitude towards such cases. “It’s a little unfair to say we’re no longer prosecuting these cases, but to have these folks carry these convictions for the rest of their lives [would be unfair],” said Gonzalez.

View the original article at thefix.com

8 January 2019
Firefighters Open Treatment Center For Their Own

The center provides beds for 60 firefighters to get treatment for substance use disorder, mental illness or other behavioral health conditions.

The opioid epidemic has touched people from all walks of life, including first responders, who often find it hard to reach out for help in a work culture that involves putting others first and brushing vulnerabilities aside. That’s why a new treatment center has opened, aimed specifically at helping firefighters who need support with addiction and mental health issues.

The International Association of Fire Fighters (IAFF) opened the Center of Excellence for Behavioral Health Treatment and Recovery last year just outside Washington, DC. It is set up similarly to a firehouse and provides beds for 60 firefighters to get treatment for substance use disorder, mental illness or other behavioral health conditions, whether they are associated with work or not.

“It’s really a state-of-the-art facility for our membership,” Ray Maione, a captain in the Phoenix Fire Department and vice president of member services for the United Phoenix Firefighters, Local 493, told Arizona Family. “To see it come to fruition is really pretty impressive; a lot of work went into this.”

Maione said that the services are much needed for firefighters who are hesitant to seek help.

“We’re problem solvers, I mean we run into burning buildings when they’re on fire, so people think, and we think, we’re invincible,” he said. “And sometimes it just builds up. . . . When a firefighter reaches out I know they’ve already exhausted every option they have and they’re in crisis.”

On-the-job injuries can expose firefighters to potent painkillers, and traumatic events can erode firefighters’ mental health, he said.

“We started to notice a big increase in suicides, a big increase in opioid addiction,” Maione said.

Tyler Ramsey, a firefighter, first started using opioids for a back injury but noticed with time that he was becoming dependent on the pills.

“You get a prescription for an opiate or a pain medication, and at the start it’s need-based,” said Ramsey. “. . . Once it gets a hold of you, you use that as a crutch.”

He told himself that because a doctor prescribed the pills they weren’t dangerous.

“I guess it gives you a false sense of security, almost, that it’s prescribed by a medical professional,” Ramsey said. “But being a fireman, I thought, ‘Oh I can control this. I don’t need to ask for help. I can manage this.’”

However, when thoughts of opioids began taking over his day-to-day life, he realized he had a substance use problem.

“It’s the last thing you think about before you close your eyes at night and the first thing when you open your eyes in the morning, which is a pretty terrible place to be,” he said. When Ramsey reached out to colleagues, they got him into rehab that day, and they help him stay sober.

“I’m happy, upright, breathing and living a normal life again,” he said. “I feel like I’ve been afforded a second chance.”

View the original article at thefix.com

7 January 2019
The High Financial Cost Of Addiction & Recovery

A new survey highlights the financial hardships that people with addiction face.

Addiction and recovery come with huge emotional costs, for the person with substance use disorder and for their family members. Yet, there is also a very real financial cost to both active addiction and recovery — one that can affect family members and people with substance use disorder in the short and long term.

According to a recent survey by True Link Financial, 82% of family members said their loved one’s finances have been affected by their addiction. People who are addicted need a constant stream of cash to fund their drug purchases.

Survey respondents also said their loved ones had made irresponsible financial decisions to fund their addiction: 48% said their family member had used savings or retirement money to purchase drugs; 42% had family members who sold assets to fund their addiction; and 11% had family members who had declared bankruptcy in part because of their addiction.

However, the challenge doesn’t stop when people get sober.

“Treatment is extraordinarily expensive, and it often takes a couple of tries,” Kai Stinchcombe, True Link’s co-founder and CEO, told Forbes.

Eighty percent of respondents said that getting on track financially is one of the biggest challenges of recovery for their family members.

“Being able to make typical day-to-day purchases, like putting gas in your car to get to work, or taking a new friend out for coffee, is critical,” Stinchcombe said. “Having no safe, dignified way to pay for basic items makes it harder to build yourself a new life. Recovery is not just tough physically, mentally, and spiritually. There are financial barriers in place that make it harder to build yourself a new life.”

True Link is known for making debit cards that have limitations, like only working at certain locations, helping family members guide purchases for adults. Although it’s usually used for adults with disabilities, Stinchcombe said that the cards can be a tool for people in recovery.

Eric Dresdale, who is in recovery, said he was used to borrowing money when he was addicted, but when he got sober and had access to more money, he began spending recklessly.

“I realized I could take out money and in about a week I spent $500 on silly things to fill an emotional void,” he said, adding that he was about $7,000 in debt by the time he left a half-way house program. After regaining control of his own finances, Dresdale went on to help develop a prepaid debit card for people with substance use disorder and mental illnesses. He says that cards like this can help family members provide support, without enabling.

“I’ve worked with families and there’s a fine line between helping and hurting,” he said. “You might think you are saving or protecting someone by giving financial support, but you could be making the problem worse. I believe in providing financial help with boundaries.”

View the original article at thefix.com

7 January 2019
Parents Of Opioid Epidemic Named Citizens Of The Year

A New Hampshire paper has named the “parents of the addiction crisis” as the citizens of the year for 2018.

In New Hampshire last year, 437 people died of drug overdoses, a significant number in the small state. Many of them were young adults who left behind parents who were unable to save them, despite their best intentions.

Now, a New Hampshire paper has named the “parents of the addiction crisis” as the citizens of the year for 2018.

“The selection honors parents who have lost children to overdoses — and others whose loved ones have found recovery — but who are striving to help other families find hope and healing,” Shawne K. Wickham wrote in a piece for The New Hampshire Union Leader explaining the selection. “Most do that work quietly, out of public view. They run support groups and volunteer at recovery centers. They raise their grandchildren, postponing retirement in favor of parenting a second time around. Others have shared their stories publicly, reaching out in hopes of sparing other families their grief.”

After Susan Messinger’s son died of a fentanyl overdose in 2014, Messinger and her husband John (who passed away suddenly last fall) threw themselves into advocacy and awareness in hopes that other parents would never need to experience a loss like theirs.

“It may look like we’re OK; you see us in the grocery store, Walmart, wherever. We’re there, we’re putting one foot in front of the other; we may have a smile on our face that day or we may look sad,” Messinger said. “But our heart is broken inside and it’s never, ever, ever going to be together again.”

Jim and Anne Marie Zanfagna lost their daughter to an opioid overdose in the fall. Anne Marie has since painted 180 pictures of people who have died from drug overdoses.

She calls the series “Angels of Addictions.” It has now been displayed around the state and led the Zanfagnas to found a nonprofit by the same name to raise awareness and cut stigma. They want to encourage other people to be open about addiction.

“Speak about this,” said Jim Zanfagna. “Let people know what’s going on. Maybe we can save some lives.”

Charles “Chucky” Rosa has been speaking out since his two sons died of drug overdoses more than 10 years ago. Recently he has seen more and more parents doing the same.

“I used to be the only member of the club that nobody wants to be part of,” he said. “Now there’s so many people that have lost children.”

Senator Jeanne Shaheen (D-NH) said that New Hampshire parents have shown resiliency in the face of crisis.

“So many families have courageously shared their experience of losing a loved one, which has been instrumental in destigmatizing substance use disorders and raising awareness of the magnitude of this crisis,” she said. “I deeply appreciate their advocacy and will continue to work with them to end this scourge on our state and our country.”

View the original article at thefix.com

7 January 2019
Actress Lily Collins Details Bulimia Battle In New Memoir

Collins reveals in her new autobiography how divorce played in a role in her eating disorder.

British actress Lily Collins has published a new memoir in which she addresses a long and debilitating struggle with an eating disorder during her teenaged years.

Collins, who is the daughter of rock veteran Phil Collins and the star of such films as Mirror Mirror, wrote in Unfiltered: No Shame, No Regrets, Just Me that her desire to control her weight began with an addiction to exercise and laxatives and progressed to bingeing and purging.

Collins also addressed her father’s alcoholism, which took hold as she was battling her eating disorder. Support from their family members helped both Lily and her father gain perspective on their respective diseases and as a result, grow closer. “It doesn’t define how I live my life daily any more,” she said.

By Collins’ account, her childhood was marked by upheaval: Her father split from her mother, Jill Tavelman, in a costly divorce when she was five, and married his third wife, Orianne Cevey. Collins said that she “couldn’t handle the pain and confusion surrounding [her] dad’s divorce” and longed for his presence and approval. His absence left Collins feeling that she “wasn’t enough,” and she plunged into a punishing regime of extreme exercise and diet moderation through chewing gum and drinking coffee.

By her mid-teens, Collins had turned to diet pills and laxatives to keep her weight down, and she began bingeing and purging on junk food. “I’d be in tears on the floor, jamming my hand down my throat and trying desperately to gag,” she wrote. Her menstrual cycle stopped for a period of two years, leaving her feeling like “a young woman in a little kid’s body.”

As Collins continued to battle her disease into her early 20s, she saw that her father had spiraled into alcoholism, a condition he also fought for years. “Once I was aware, it was all I could see,” she wrote. “I was convinced that one day, I would wake up to a phone call from halfway across the world, saying that it had finally gone too far.”

During this period, Lily also found herself in a revolving door of relationships with men consumed by their own dependency issues. The toxicity of these interactions reached its lowest point when a boyfriend pressured her to isolate herself from her friends and family and even threatened her with verbal and physical violence. That incident provided Collins with the impetus to make crucial changes to not only improve her health but also her relationship with her father, who also took control of his life and dependencies.

With her newfound health and happiness also came stardom as an actress in such films as The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones and an upcoming BBC television adaptation of Les Miserables; Collins also tackled the issue of eating disorders head-on in the 2017 Netflix film To the Bone, in which she played a young woman struggling with anorexia.

Collins is keenly aware of her past struggles but also acknowledges how far she’s come since that time. “It’s never going to be erased because it’s a part of who you are,” she said. “But it doesn’t define how I live my life daily any more.”

View the original article at thefix.com

7 January 2019
Rage Bender: Addicted to Anger

Anger can be an addiction: it’s energizing and makes you feel powerful. When I was using and even afterwards, I used my rage to control, bully, and manipulate people.

“Anger is a short madness.”
– Horace

I just got off a rage bender. Two full weeks of terrifying my friends and family. Days of driving around and like some deranged queen in Game of Thrones ordering (to absolutely no one): “Destroy her.”

“I’ve never heard or seen you like this,” I kept hearing. Yep. Because this was an old part of me I thought I’d gotten rid of, or at the very least, tamed. Boy was I wrong.

At first I thought it was a bout of agitated mania from a little med fiddling. “This definitely feels chemical,” I kept saying to everyone as I continued to engage in behavior that fueled my rage: talking about my archenemy, reading about her personal and legal problems, feeling righteous indignation and then, more divinely, vindication as her fall escalated.

That’s where my old buddy Dr. Wetsman caught me. “Do you think you’re using your ex-colleague’s demise as a drug?” he asked.

Long pause. “Yes,” I answered sheepishly.

“Okay. Well every time you get a dopamine spike from your schadenfreude, guess what happens after?”

“A crash.”

“And then,” he concluded, “you’re left scrambling to find more dopamine.”

Ahhh, so that’s why I was craving cocaine, sex and cigarettes. Cocaine, really? At almost six years sober, having become some fucking pseudo-icon of sobriety that I never asked to be thanks to my book, I was shocked that getting loaded was still on the table. But there it was: romantic imaginings of bags of crystalline white powder and syringes with clean steel tips twinkling in the twilight.

Here’s the thing about anger: it’s energizing. Anger can make you feel powerful. When I was using and unfortunately even afterwards, I used my rage to control, bully, and manipulate people. And once I’m this angry, it just bleeds over. First I’m pissed at her, then him, and now all of them and you. The storm has been unleashed and my mind can come up with evidence that anybody has fucked me over. Isn’t that our superpower as addicts?

“Anger is energizing,” agrees Amy Alkon, science writer and author of the “science-help” book, Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence.

“Your amygdala mobilizes the bodily forces you’d need to run or win a physical fight with someone. So, your adrenaline courses and blood flows away from your reasoning center of your brain, the prefrontal cortex, and to your arms and legs, which makes you better equipped to punch or run.”

We all love a nice dose of adrenaline, right? It’s like shitty coke. So I’m getting high off my anger and the drug dealer is right inside of me. Anytime I wanted another hit I could dredge up some old scenario where an ex-colleague (or anyone, really) viciously screwed me over, and boom! Out came another surge. But aside from stomping around and spitting fire, there’s a real downside to this “drug.”

According to Alkon, when the amygdala is activated, a chemical reaction takes place that releases cortisol which helps to mobilize the aforementioned physical response so you can fight back. “However, there’s a problem if there’s no need for any sort of physical response from you, which would burn off the cortisol. If you’re just standing there fuming, the cortisol simply pools. So, effectively, you’re being poisoned by your anger. Over time, this is associated with very detrimental physical effects, including lowered immune function and heart disease.”

So resentment really is the poison you drink expecting the other person to die. Here was the science. And I realized something weird: the more I talked about it, the angrier I got. I didn’t “get it out.” There was no catharsis. Why?

“It’s a myth that ‘venting’ your anger is a way to diminish it,” Alkon told me. “The more anger you vent, the angrier you get. Darwin was the first to observe that the expression of an emotion acts to amplify the emotion, and modern research has confirmed this.”

Great! So I was on some rage loop, fucking up my immune system and giving myself heart disease. But how to stop? I knew the anger was just the top layer, the mask of something deeper and more painful that I was trying to avoid.

Liz Palmer writes “Angry is just sad’s bodyguard.” And of course she’s right. Underneath the rage was hurt and ultimately sadness. But who wants to feel that way? Who wants to listen to LP’s “Lost on You” and scrawl heartbreaking poems in blood? Not I. I’d much rather do weighted squats and listen to Tool and talk about how I will “fucking bury you.” You might think 115 pounds of desert Jew isn’t that frightening. But I learned early on in my childhood how to be verbally brutal. I’m sure growing up watching Scorsese movies and idolizing mobsters didn’t help either. But I assure you crazy and angry is a terrifying combination, even if you are a featherweight.

My sponsor urged me to find compassion for my ex-colleague. Nice dream, dude. That was NOT going to happen right now.

So then I decided to attack this emotional monster via the body. I called Nathaniel Dust, my breathwork wizard, and booked a private session. Waiting for our time, I caved and bought a pack of cigarettes after almost eight months off of vaping. Well done, fuckhead. I smoked one and it felt–I’m not going to lie–great. I immediately felt calmer. Oh sweet dopamine, there you are! I walked into Nathaniel’s place smelling like an ashtray with palpable anger radiating off me.

“Where are those cigarettes?” he demanded. “They’re going in the trash.”

“Purse,” I answered petulantly. $10 down the tubes….ugh.

I knew I was in trouble. If I let myself cross the line back into smoking, what was next? Tinder? A drink? Sober border patrol was obviously asleep on the job.

There are those few lines in the Big Book which I always thought were bullshit: “If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison.” It was true and I was living it.

“My former colleague and friend fucked me over,“ I said, “and she should pay.”

Nathaniel laughed. “Are you really going to be a victim your whole life?”

And then my tears came.

“There’s the real shit,“ he said. He hugged me while I howled in his arms like a small child. “Now get on the table, lady, and let’s do some breathing.”

I cried and screamed and cried and shook and then it was over. I felt some relief. I vowed to stop talking about my enemy or reading about her. In the end it was none of my business. Whatever payoff I thought I was getting was costing me dearly.

So I guess my point is this: we shouldn’t prevent ourselves from getting worked up just because it’s not the “spiritual” thing to do. Whatever with that. Scientifically we want to stay calm so we don’t jack up our adrenaline and cortisol or, for those of us who get high off anger, we don’t want to chase that big dopamine spike that always ends with us crashing down.

So embrace the AA platitude of “let it go,” if only for the sake of your physical and mental health, serenity, and…oh yeah, your sobriety.

View the original article at thefix.com

7 January 2019