“I wanted to stop drugs completely, but I did it the wrong way.”
Rapper Lil Xan has never been secretive about his relationship with drugs and his quest to become sober. The “Whipped Cream” rapper recently relapsed after spending time in rehab late last year and he spoke to TMZ about how quitting cold turkey affected his body.
Lil Xan, born Nicholas Diego Leanos, told TMZ that he stepped out of the public eye after relapsing on hydrocodone and Xanax. Following the relapse, Xan entered the hospital to detox and would go on to suffer several seizures during the strenuous process.
“The withdrawals actually gave me seizures,” the 23-year-old Soundcloud rapper told TMZ. “It was a wake-up call … they said it was from just going cold turkey off of Xanax. I wanted to stop drugs completely, but I did it the wrong way.”
Lil Xan’s battle with addiction has been a public one, like many of his peers. After seeing his hero Mac Miller and his friend Lil Peep succumb to their addictions at the start of their very promising careers, Xan decided it was time to get help for his addiction.
Miller’s 2018 overdose death left Xan shaken and unsure if he wanted to continue making music. During an appearance on Adam22’s No Jumper podcast last September, Xan said, “When your hero dies, f—k that s—t,” he said. “I don’t want to make music no more.”
During the podcast, Xan also spoke about his desire to get sober.
“I want to get sober now, completely sober, but it’s so hard,” he told Adam22. “I just want to be off everything. I want to be like a normal person. If I didn’t have a tour coming up, I would be in rehab right now.”
Losing Lil Peep
A year prior to Mac Miller’s overdose, Xan lost a close peer to addiction. Gustav Elijah Åhr, better known as YouTube star and rapper Lil Peep, died in November 2017 from a fatal overdose. Fentanyl, Xanax, marijuana, cocaine and Tramadol were found in the 21-year-old’s system, according to a toxicology report.
Xan said that Peep was on his mind a lot during his most recent relapse. The rapper entered rehab last December and checked out two weeks later. He has relapsed a couple times but the latest relapse made him withdraw from the public eye while he dealt with his health.
“It has to come from within,” Xan said about sobriety last year. “I’ve gone through periods of like, six months. And now it’s because of me. It’s because I want to be clean.”