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Category: Addiction News

  • A Dopeman's Grocery List

    A Dopeman's Grocery List

    The reality and gravity of the entire situation was this: if I don’t steal this shit, I’m not getting high. If I’m not getting high, I’m dying. That’s how bad I was strung out on opioids; that’s how much of a slave I was to the drugs.

    The following story is based on actual events. In an effort to protect anonymity as well as keep people out of potential legal trouble; names, places and identifying characteristics have been modified. I hope you enjoy these stories. Whatever you do. DO NOT try this at home.

    What happens when you run out of money and need a fix bad?

    What happens when you just don’t have it in you to stick someone up on that particular day?

    What happens when you run out of shit to pawn?

    What happens when there’s nothing left to post on OfferUp, LetGo and Craigslist?

    You can always go grocery shopping for your drug dealer like I did. I mean, I didn’t have any money at the time and I already traded my food stamps for dope that month but I knew there were a few items that “D” needed me to pick up from one of those big-box-retail-stores. If I could get the items he needed, he would trade me 50% of whatever it cost in cash or trade me 75% of what it cost in dope. This was a no brainer. Get the grocery list, steal the items, get the dope and get high.

    I’ve always been a fan of “heist” movies. Mission Impossible, Ocean’s Eleven and Catch Me If You Can come to mind when I think about the excitement I felt when the “bad guys” got away with whatever it was that they were taking. Sometimes rooting for the bad guy feels good. Every time I received one of these lists via text message from D, I felt like Ethan Hunt accepting some kind of grand mission that was of the utmost importance. The reality and gravity of the entire situation was this: if I don’t steal this shit, I’m not getting high. If I’m not getting high, I’m dying. That’s how bad I was strung out on opioids; that’s how much of a slave I was to the drugs. When opioids told me to jump, my response was always: how high?

    It’s been four and a half hours since I last shot up. My stomach is beginning to turn like that sensation you get when a roller coaster takes its first plunge, except it felt like it was my life that was diving into utter oblivion. My palms have begun to get clammy. I got the cold-sweats and it’s pissing me off. It’s 73 degrees in my room but I’m soaking wet like “Dollar Debbie” taking a stroll down MLK in the middle of August. Life sucks and I need to get “one” in me… like yesterday.

    BEEP! BEEP! A text comes in. God I hope it’s D. I unlock my phone and see the good news I’ve been waiting for:

    1 bottle of Pine-Sol
    2 boxes of Huggies
    Peanut Butter and Jelly – not that shit with the peanuts in it
    1 Mop
    1 Case of Ramen Noodles
    5-10 assorted girl’s tees
    1 pair of white sneakers, size 6 – I don’t care what the brand is

    Oh, I also need a new Bluetooth speaker, some crackhead stole mine last night. See if you can get one of those dope ass Dyson vacuums too.

    And hurry the fuck up, I’m trying to go to the casino. You got one hour!

    Finally! I got the grocery list! Now I have to find a ride. That means I have to cut somebody in on the payoff, which means fewer drugs for me. Fuck it, I’m hurting bad. At this point, I’m not going to argue over whose half of a dilaudid is bigger. It doesn’t matter anymore.

    I scroll through my contacts and find the guy I’m looking for. I just hope he’s awake. It’s three in the afternoon, a little early for Tony. He usually gets up around four or five because he’s been up all morning trying to come down from the “shards” he shot up the night before. I know an offer to score some dope to come down off the shit will lure him into my latest scheme.

    “But what color vacuum does he want?” Tony asked, dazed.

    “Does it fucking matter?!” I yelled back. Tony had a way of asking questions that didn’t matter. He was slow, he was sloppy, and he smelled like a piece of toasted Chore Boy. It’s mind boggling to me that this guy was ever successful at pickpocketing when he lived in New York. He had been down here in Florida for only six years and had already visited the local jail well over 12 times. Thing is, he always stayed high, had a car, and was just as sick as I was.

    “I’ll be there in five minutes.” he murmured. “Meet me two streets over by the bando,” he instructed before hanging up.

    Twenty-five minutes later, Tony pulls up in a hurry, looking annoyed like I’m the asshole who’s twenty minutes late. I’m livid. He always does that; he’s worse than a drug dealer and I hate waiting. I need a fix bad. My nose is beginning to run and I’m getting these random sensations in my stomach. Feels like someone is taking a blade and stabbing me erratically. My body is telling me that I’m supposed to eat but the appetite isn’t there. The worst symptom I get when withdrawing is when I smoke a cigarette: I gag every time I hit it and they don’t taste the way they normally do. It doesn’t help that the cigarettes I’m smoking are the ones I’ve collected from all the public ashtrays around town. They already taste bad. This life sucks. I need a pill, now.

    “Here’s the plan,” I say to Tony as I get in the passenger seat. “We have a half hour to grab the shit and meet D at his place before he leaves for the casino.” Tony is already driving to the store. Like me, he knows which one to go to at any particular time of day. We know when loss prevention does their shift change, we know which side of the store the greeters are on, we know which store we hit last time and that dictates which store we hit next.

    “Five minutes or less!” I say assertively. “If it takes longer than that, we’re going to the other store.” I know that if I have to come up with a story to buy more time with D, it shouldn’t be a problem.

    “Flip a coin to see who’s building the cart this time?” Tony asks.

    “Run it,” I reply.

    “Heads!” He yells as I flip the coin. “Yes!” He screams. He gets to build the cart. I’m getting excited. As we near the store, the symptoms of my withdrawal seem to lessen. I’m getting turned on over the idea of committing a crime. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it? Not only am I addicted to drugs, I’m in love with the crazy and dangerous lifestyle that comes along with it.

    Let me break down the lick for you.

    This is a two man job. Park near the front and keep the car running. Pop the trunk but leave it down so it looks shut. Leave all the doors unlocked. First man goes inside alone to “build the cart.” Building the cart is the easy part, that’s why we flipped a coin for it. You basically go in the store, acquire the items on the list, and place them inside a shopping cart. This must be done in five minutes or less. The other man, the one in the car, is on the phone with you, the cart builder, talking in your ear while he looks through the store window, informing you on what the employees are doing. Are they watching you? Is there an undercover loss prevention guy following you? These are things that must be known.

    General rule of thumb when building a cart: look like you belong there. Just go shopping. Smile; say hi to an employee; maybe ask them where you can find a particular item. You’re the customer, act like one.

    Tony gets everything on the list in less than five minutes. His slow ass must really need a pill as bad as I do. If he’s hurting, he’s not showing it. I think he’s as excited as I am.

    Once the cart is built, head to an aisle that runs along the cash register that’s nearest to the exit. Ditch the cart. Leave it in the aisle and get the fuck out. Once you get back in the car, look your partner in the eye, wish him luck, light a cigarette, sit back and relax. Your work is almost done.

    Here’s the dicey part. It’s the driver’s turn to enter the store. I exit the whip and walk to the entrance. Tony keeps his earpiece in and puts the car in drive while he keeps his foot on the brake. I almost forgot to mention, never pull into a parking space. Back in, so when it’s time to make the getaway, you just let off the brake and get the hell out. No one is trying to get into a little fender-bender while trying to elude potential law enforcement. I mean seriously, if my ass goes to jail over a fucking bottle of Pine-Sol, I’m killing somebody.

    I’m in the store. My heart is racing! Do I look like I belong? Do I look like a junkie? I know I showered. My shirt is wrinkled but my shoe game is on point. I don’t look homeless but I feel like shit. Do the employees notice? Keep walking. Eyes forward. Listen for Tony on the phone. It’s going to be okay.

    I find the cart. My palms are sweaty as I grab it and head towards the exit. I dig into my pocket and pull out an old receipt from the gas station. This is what I’m going to use as I walk out the door with my head down. I’m going to make it look like I’m going over the items I “just purchased” as I walk out; never mind the fact that nothing is bagged up.

    “How’s my back, T?” I ask nervously.

    “I don’t see anyone behind you, bro. Just keep coming. The trunk is already open.”

    We chose the correct side. As I near the exit, I notice there aren’t any greeters, AKA receipt checkers. This is expected but I still don’t get it. There are two entrances, spaced out on either end of this store, but they keep a greeter on only one side. Idiots. I’m about to walk out; just a few more steps.

    “Excuse me, Sir!” I hear behind me. I ignore it and keep on walking.

    “Sir! Excuse me, hey sir!” I hear again. She sounds cute. I stop and begin to turn around. I got to be honest, my heart is racing and I’m extremely turned on at this point. Why does crime excite me so much?! I can hear Tony screaming and yelling expletives in my ear.

    “What’s up?” I casually ask while making eye contact with this cute employee. She can’t be older than 22 and she looks perfect, like those black pants and blue vest were custom made to wrap around her beautiful figure. I wish I wasn’t a junkie. She seems like a good girl. If I wasn’t so concerned with getting high, maybe I’d ask a woman like her out. I don’t have time for women. They get in the way of my using. Just give me a crack-whore that wants to fuck before or after we get loaded. That’s all I have time for.

    Shit. I forgot what’s happening here. My ADHD gets the best of me sometimes. I’m supposed to be walking out of a store with a shopping cart full of stolen goods.

    “Sir, are you forgetting something?” She asks. I stare blankly back at her. I don’t have a response and I kind of just want to stare at her before she calls the authorities and I have to turn around and make a break for it. The only thing I can muster up to answer her question is “I don’t know, am I forgetting something?”

    She raises a fist and begins open to up her cute little hand. I quickly picture her cute fingers with the chipped nail polish dancing all over my body. Focus!

    “Get the fuck out of there!” I hear Tony screaming in my ear.

    She opens her fist. “You dropped your lighter, Sir,” she says as she hands it back to me. Tony can hear her on his end and I hear him let out a sigh of relief.

    “Okay we’re good” I hear him say as I thank her and head out the door.

    I throw the items in the trunk and we head over to meet up with D. We’re in a hurry to get high; he’s in a hurry to get to the casino. Both parties are bitching at each other. We engage in the usual small talk that really is just a load of bullshit. D doesn’t care about me or my well-being, and I could give a shit about him and his family. I just want my dope and I want to go home. He just wants his shit and wants me to leave. We do the same shit every day. Act like we’re family. Like there’s some “street code” of honor or something. The truth is, nobody cares. Everyone is out to get theirs and theirs only.

    Tony and I head home and split the shit we scored. As soon as I get mine in me, all in the world is right again. For those brief ten seconds of numbness and euphoria, as the opioids flow into my bloodstream, I forget that I am a slave. I forget that just ten seconds ago, my body was writhing in pain. I forget that I was almost stopped inside of a store for shoplifting while on probation. I forget that if I violate, I’m going up-the-road for at least five years. I forget about that girl that broke my heart. I forget that I’m a lying piece of shit that steals from my mother every time she goes to sleep. For ten seconds, I’m free…

    And in four hours, I’m doing it all over again.

    If no one told you today that they love you, fuck it, there’s always tomorrow. 😉

    View the original article at thefix.com

  • Nearly 20% Of California Pot Products Fail Safety Testing

    Nearly 20% Of California Pot Products Fail Safety Testing

    Products like edibles and oils were much more likely to fail testing than marijuana buds.

    Nearly 20% of legal marijuana products in California are failing mandated safety testing, a figure that the industry says has more to do with an inefficient and inaccurate testing system than deficient products. 

    As of July 1, marijuana products sold on the legal market in California were subject to testing for pesticides and mold, and to ensure that the potency advertised matches the actual potency of the product.

    Since July, nearly 11,000 samples were inspected and nearly 2,000 rejected, according to a report by ABC News. 

    While some growers and distributors are unhappy with the state testing, the testing bureau says that the new screening process has been implemented successfully overall. 

    “Mandatory statewide testing is a new thing and it’s going to take some time for everything to run smoothly, but on the whole we’re pleased with how things are progressing,” said Bureau of Cannabis Control spokesman Alex Traverso.

    The California Growers Association, an industry group, disagrees. “Testing is currently costly, slow, and inconsistent,” the growers association said in a recent letter to the state. 

    Sixty-five percent of the samples that failed testing were rejected because of mislabeling, e.g. the potency advertised on the product label did not match the potency of the product. State law requires that the potency (which measures THC content), falls within a 10% margin of error. If a batch of product is even slightly outside that margin, it will be rejected and must be relabeled. 

    The California Cannabis Manufacturers Association, another industry group, says that this can happen when labs do not correctly test a sample, but right now there is no way for manufacturers to appeal a lab’s finding. The association is working to change that. 

    “Even if the lab admits it made an error, there is no way to change those results,” said Bryce Berryessa, an association board member who is CEO of TreeHouse dispensary in Santa Cruz County and president of La Vida Verde, which produces infused cookies. “Labs are not perfect. Mistakes get made.”

    About 90% of buds that were tested in California passed, while products like edibles and oils were much more likely to fail testing, suggesting that potency is more often inaccurate with those products. 

    The next most common reason for failed testing was pesticide levels that were too high (400 batches were flagged for this reason). And only about 100 samples failed testing because of contaminants or mold. However, this may be because state law only mentions a few specific types of mold in regards to cannabis.

    Because of this, Santa Ana-based testing company Cannalysis is urging the state to use a test that is already in place for food and pharmaceuticals, which could catch more potentially contaminated cannabis. 

    The regulators need to “create a bigger net to catch things,” said Swetha Kaul, the company’s chief scientific officer who sits on the board of the California Cannabis Industry Association. 

    View the original article at thefix.com

  • Experts Release New Guidelines For Treating Women With Depression

    Experts Release New Guidelines For Treating Women With Depression

    A panel of mental health professionals created new guidelines to get more women help with their mood disorders during middle age. 

    A team of medical professionals has released new guidelines for evaluating and treating depression in perimenopausal women, after finding that the condition is common in the years leading up to menopause. 

    “Perimenopause is a window of vulnerability for the development of both depressive symptoms and major depressive episodes,” Pauline Maki, lead study author and professor of psychology and psychiatry in the University of Illinois at Chicago College of Medicine, told Chicago Tonight. “The recent suicide of Kate Spade at 55 years of age shows the seriousness of mental health issues in midlife women, a group that has shown a 45% increase in suicide rates over the past 15 years.”

    Researchers found that in the three to four years before menopause, the time when periods become irregular and women experience symptoms including hot flashes, women are at an increased risk for depression. The risk is greatest for women with a history of depression, but it is also increased for those with no depressive background. 

    “If there is underlying low-level depression to begin with, perimenopause can increase the intensity of depressive symptoms,” Maki said.

    Despite the prevalence, Maki said that depression during middle age has been largely ignored by the medical community. That’s why a panel from the North American Menopause Society and the National Network of Depression Centers Women and Mood Disorders Task Group came together to form the guidelines in hopes of getting more women help with their mood disorders during middle age. 

    Maki says the message from the research and recommendations is two-fold. 

    “If your mood is low, if you’re feeling irritable, I want (women) to understand there is a consensus that this is normal during menopause,” she said. However, “this is something women don’t have to live with,” she added. 

    Maki speculates that hormonal changes in the brain, combined with life stressors including caring for adult children and aging parents, increase the risk for depression in the years before menopause. 

    “When you add in hormonal changes that can affect the brain’s ability to cope with these stressors, it’s no surprise that depression is a common occurrence in midlife women,” she said.

    Even low-level depression can have an impact on a person’s quality of life, so doctors and patients should be open to treating depression with antidepressants and therapy, Maki said. Hormone therapy to treat the physical symptoms of menopause—particularly hot flashes that interrupt sleep—can also improve depressive symptoms. 

    “It is important for women and their health care providers to recognize that these symptoms are common during perimenopause and can be treated,” she said. “By treating some menopausal symptoms, we can help overcome some of the depression symptoms.”

    View the original article at thefix.com

  • British Royals Launch "Mental Health At Work"

    British Royals Launch "Mental Health At Work"

    The new online resource for both employers and employees seeks to take the taboo out of discussing mental health at work.

    Continuing their campaign to promote mental wellness in the UK, the British Royals have launched a new effort to support workers’ mental health.

    According to a survey of more than 44,000 workers conducted by the mental health non-profit organization, Mind, nearly half of workers in the UK (48%) have experienced mental health problems at work. On top of that, only half of these individuals have addressed their issues with their employer.

    Mental Health at Work, the new online resource for both employers and employees on improving mental well-being in the workplace, seeks to bridge this gap and take the taboo out of discussing mental health at work.

    According to the Mind survey, by training employers on how to promote workers’ mental health, they will feel more confident in supporting their staff. In turn, staff who had a supportive employer or manager reported that they were far more comfortable opening up about their mental health at work.

    The goal of the new online resource is to provide information, resources and training for employers and employees who wish to address mental well-being in the workplace.

    “We know that employers want to do more and are starting to see mental health as a priority, but often don’t know where to start. The new online Mental Health at Work gateway will change that,” said Paul Farmer, chief executive of Mind, in a statement. “Even small changes to policy, approach and workplace culture can make a really big difference to the mental health of those around us. No matter the size of your workplace, and no matter where you work, Mental Health at Work can help you find what you need to start or continue your journey to better workplace well-being for everyone.”

    The website offers a variety of toolkits pertaining to different situations—some of them include “Promoting a positive culture” and “Tackling Stress in the Workplace.”

    Mental Health at Work is just another arm of the British Royals’ campaign for mental wellness. Prince William, Kate Middleton, and Prince Harry launched Heads Together in 2016 to change the conversation about mental health in the UK and urge Brits to be more vocal about their struggles with mental health.

    “There are times when, whoever we are, it is hard to cope with a challenge—and when that happens being open and honest and asking for help is life-changing,” said Prince William last year. “Talking to someone else is a positive and confident step to take, but for too long it has been a case of ‘Keep Quiet and Carry On.’ As a result, too many people have suffered in silence for too long, and the effects of this can be devastating.”

    View the original article at thefix.com

  • Family Of Woman Who Died While Detoxing In Jail Files Lawsuit

    Family Of Woman Who Died While Detoxing In Jail Files Lawsuit

    Prosecutors declined to charge the deputies involved with the case so the family decided to take another route to justice. 

    Following a year-long probe, Nevada investigators have decided that the deputies involved in a jail inmate’s July 2017 death should be criminally charged for the way they handled a woman who was in medical distress.

    The Mineral County deputies were aware of the inmate’s condition, according to the 300-page report. Kelly Coltrain, 27, who was jailed for outstanding traffic tickets, had informed jail staff that she was dependent on drugs and suffered seizures when she went through withdrawals, according to the Reno Gazette Journal.

    Coltrain was visiting Nevada from Austin, Texas to celebrate her grandmother’s 75th birthday. But instead of spending time with her family, she spent four days in Mineral County Jail until she died in her cell on July 23, 2017.

    According to investigators, who produced a 300-page report on Coltrain’s death, jail staff violated multiple policies when they denied Coltrain medical care. Based on Coltrain’s history of seizures, jail staff should have cleared her with a doctor before keeping her in jail; and as she suffered withdrawals, they should have been monitoring her vitals.

    Instead, when Coltrain asked that she be taken to the hospital, which is about a two-minute walk across the street from the jail, according to the report, Deputy Ray Gulcynski told her, “Unfortunately, since you’re DT’ing (referring to the detoxification process), I’m not going to take you over to the hospital right now just to get your fix. That’s not the way detention works, unfortunately. You are incarcerated with us, so… you don’t get to go to the hospital when you want. When we feel that your life is at risk… then you will go.”

    Surveillance video of Coltrain’s jail cell shows her being ordered to clean up her own vomit with a mop. Less than an hour later, she was dead, and remained in her cell for more than six hours before a deputy noticed her lifeless body. He did not try to revive her or call for help, and Coltrain was left in her cell until the morning, when state officials arrived at the jail to investigate.

    Investigators with the Nevada Division of Investigation recommended that the deputies involved face criminal charges, but Lyon County, where the case was forwarded, refused to prosecute.

    “The review of the case, in our opinion, did not establish any willful or malicious acts by jail staff that would justify the filing of charges under the requirements of the statute,” said Lyon County District Attorney Stephen Rye.

    Coltrain’s family, however, believes her death was preventable. “(Jail staff) knew Kelly Coltrain had lain for days at the jail, in bed, buried beneath blankets, vomiting multiple times, refusing meals, trembling, shaking, and rarely moving. Defendants knew Kelly Coltrain was in medical distress,” according to a federal lawsuit filed by the family last week.

    View the original article at thefix.com

  • Sia Celebrates Eight Years of Sobriety

    Sia Celebrates Eight Years of Sobriety

    “Eight years sober today. I love you, keep going. You can do it.”

    Pop star Sia celebrated eight years of sobriety this week, after recovering from alcoholism and an addiction to prescription pills. 

    “Eight years sober today. I love you, keep going. You can do it,” she tweeted on Sep. 10. 

    Since joining a 12-step program in 2010, Sia’s career has taken off. In 2014, her Grammy-nominated comeback single, “Chandelier,” included a nod to her past struggles: “Help me, I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down won’t open my eyes / Keep my glass full until morning light, ’cause I’m just holding on for tonight.”

    Sia, who is now 42, told The New York Times in 2014 that her addiction was, in part, a way to cope with her rise to fame, which she was uncomfortable with at first. 

    “It’s horrible,” she said. “I just wanted to have a private life.”

    At the same time, her tour schedule made it easy to hide her substance abuse. 

    “When you’re in a different place every day, there’s this kind of madness that sets in. It’s easy to get away with getting high, because everybody’s drinking on the road,” she said. “None of my friends thought I was an alcoholic, and neither did I.”

    After Sia was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, she began abusing prescription pills. 

    “I was in the back lounge, high on Xanax and alcohol, watching every episode of ER from the beginning,” she said. 

    In 2013, she told Billboard that she was frustrated with her career at the time that she was abusing drugs. 

    “Then I got seriously addicted to Vicodin and oxycodone, and I was always a drinker but I didn’t know I was an alcoholic,” she said. “I was really unhappy being an artist and I was getting sicker and sicker.”

    Unfortunately, Sia’s initial sobriety didn’t help her mental health. She revealed to the New York Times that she came very close to suicide. She even left a note for her dog walker and the hotel manager explaining what was to happen.

    However, when her friend called, Sia changed her mind. 

    Although Sia is famously private, she said that her recovery program encourages her to share, which is why she’s spoken out about her struggles with her addiction and her success in sobriety. 

    View the original article at thefix.com

  • Bow Wow Reveals Past Addiction, Urges Fans To Be "Drug Free"

    Bow Wow Reveals Past Addiction, Urges Fans To Be "Drug Free"

    The 31-year-old rapper got candid about his past battle with lean and how it affected his life. 

    In the wake of rapper Mac Miller’s suspected fatal drug overdose, fellow artist Bow Wow admitted that he, too, struggled with substance abuse.

    The rapper, actor and TV personality, born Shad Moss, said that a decade ago, he would drink “lean” every day—alienating his fans and family, and affecting his physical health long-term.

    After overcoming that period of his life, Bow Wow now has a different message for his fans: “Stop with these dumb ass drugs.”

    “Kick that shit! Be a good son or daughter. Be the best you,” he wrote on Twitter. “We gotta save the youth from going out early. Parents watch your kids. Explain to them. We want y’all to live man.”

    Moss said he “almost died” from using syrup like he did. He admitted that he was using “the whole time” during the Up Close and Personal tour with Chris Brown (2007), and missed shows because he was “high and sick.” He was also hospitalized from going through withdrawals.

    “To this day I’m affected. My stomach will never be the same and it hasn’t been,” Bow Wow continued in his tweets. He says it changed everything, from his attitude to his relationships. “My fans started to turn on me, my family too,” he wrote.

    This candid confession came as fans and fellow artists mourn the passing of rapper Mac Miller, who died on Friday, September 7. Many suspect a drug overdose, but toxicology tests will take weeks to confirm the cause of death.

    The rapper (born Malcolm McCormick) was candid about his problems with depression, drug use, and suicidal thoughts. In a 2013 interview with Complex, he described using “lean”—a cough-syrup based drink—to cope with feelings of depression. “I was not happy and I was on lean very heavy [during the Macadelic tour]. I was so fucked up all the time it was bad. My friends couldn’t even look at me the same. I was lost,” he said at the time.

    Bow Wow, who is currently on tour in Australia and New Zealand, said he’s going to “start being more vocal” about these issues.

    “Drug free is the way to be! Smarten up, tighten up out here,” he wrote on Twitter. “We can’t lose no more of you. Not one! I love all y’all. The young artist all the kids around the world… don’t follow a trend. Break the cycle.”

    View the original article at thefix.com

  • Anatomy of a Relapse

    Anatomy of a Relapse

    When my father died, I hadn’t been to a meeting in over a year. I had no active knowledge of how to apply healthy coping mechanisms to a devastating situation so I just went back to what I knew: opioids and numbness.

    Two years ago I wrote a controversial feature for The Fix, “I Take Psychedelic Drugs and I’m in Recovery.” It was controversial in the sense that the response from the publication’s readers — many of whom have an obviously vested interest in topics related to addiction recovery — ranged from sarcastic, hyperbolic criticism to open-minded consideration, with some even condoning the perspective I was sharing.

    The reason I chose to write this honest, albeit uncomfortable “Part 2” of sorts, is to do what folks in certain recovery circles do best (when at their best): share experience, strength, and hope, so that whoever may be listening, reading, or watching may, at the very least, relate and ideally, be helped by it.

    Full disclosure: My name is not James Renato. It’s a pseudonym, adopted out of respect for the principle of anonymity in a 12-step offshoot group I am a member of. It’s also, of course, meant to protect myself from facing unnecessary personal backlash merely for engaging in public discourse.

    Now that I’ve successfully buried the lede, in the spirit of qualifying in the style of an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting: “here’s what it was like, what happened, and what it’s like now.”

    Last April, I ended a full-blown relapse of what previously was an opioid use disorder in remission. In other words, I’d started injecting heroin again eight months earlier, for the first time in over six years.

    It was the culmination of a tripartite experiment involving: firstly, a noble attempt to actively practice a program I helped form (namely, Psychedelics in Recovery [PIR]). Secondly, a misguided lack of acknowledgement that I was inviting a serious risk to my life by no longer practicing abstinence (not just from psychedelics). And lastly, a gradual ceasing of the daily commitment to personal growth in the form of meeting attendance, regular contact with a sponsor, associating with peers in recovery, and just continuing to work on improving the overall quality of my life and relationships with others.

    People in recovery continue to regularly engage in their program of choice because life is unpredictable, and the myriad tools we learn are not always the same ones we rely on for every situation. One day a simple phone call can be all that’s necessary to get ourselves out of “a funk.” Another day it’s hitting four meetings, extensively praying and meditating, and taking a newcomer out for coffee because we were just laid off from a full-time job and needed to avoid the danger that can come from “feeding the poor me’s.”

    In my case, when I stopped participating in my ongoing recovery process, I made an inexplicably impulsive decision to reintroduce opioids to my system. When the DEA announced that they were planning to classify kratom as Schedule 1, I purchased a kilogram from an online vendor for literally no good reason. Several weeks after I received the package of high potency kratom leaf powder (of the “super green vein” variety), I conducted a dose-response self-experiment. I have a history of progressing down the road of “continued use [of opioids] despite negative consequences” (the current best definition of addiction), and within a few months I developed a dependency and went through the entire kilo, despite attempts to reassure my partner that the amount I purchased was intended to last for years, and would only be used when absolutely necessary.

    Right around the time my supply ran out, a friend who had no idea of the habitual relationship I had with kratom use told me about another mild opioid sold on the supplement market called tianeptine sulfate. Tianeptine had undergone clinical trials as an opioid-based antidepressant in the 1990s but did not progress past the second of three phases required by the Food and Drug Administration (for unknown reasons). With the drug’s unscheduled status, enterprising entrepreneurs in the unregulated supplement industry capitalized on tianeptine’s acute, short-acting antidepressive effects at low doses, but savvy opioid connoisseurs discovered the euphoric high it brought on (also short-acting) at much larger doses.

    My kratom habit switched to tianeptine, in large part because of how disgusting I found the taste of the tea I made from brewing the leaf powder, and the hassle of masking the taste by encapsulating the amount I needed to take to reach the effects I preferred. In addition to the perfect storm of things perpetuating my now very active addiction, I’d even stopped attending PIR meetings, was becoming increasingly disillusioned with my graduate studies, and was now too ashamed to admit to anyone that I was seriously struggling.

    Then, tragedy struck. My father, a seemingly healthy 64-year-old on the verge of retirement, suffered a sudden, fatal heart attack on a scuba diving trip in the Caribbean. I was already treading on thin ice, and this kind of event is something I’d long heard people in 12-step meetings share reservations over in their commitment to recovery. But I hadn’t been to a meeting in over a year at this point, so I had no active knowledge of how to apply healthy coping mechanisms to a devastating situation. It was a situation that countless people have gone through, relying on their recovery program to help them navigate as safely as possible, but I’d learned from the opioids I’d been relying on that if I could just figure out how to stay numb 24/7, that’s all I needed to do.

    After the standard bereavement rituals of a wake, funeral, and burial at the family cemetery plot, which was actually a very supportive and comforting assemblage of close friends, loved ones, and long-lost acquaintances paying their respects, I ended up alone in a dangerous situation. I called my old dealer, whose number I still had memorized after over six years of no contact, and one night drove out to meet him just like old times. No need to bother snorting or smoking whatever powder he claimed to be heroin; I had already been well reacquainted with the too-mild results of those routes of administration, so I went right back to the needle.

    I’ll spare you all the details of the familiar downward spiral and just hit on the highlights: I depleted all of my savings, misappropriated funds from an award I’d received, stole thousands of dollars from my father’s still active bank account, then my mother’s shared account, totaled my partner’s car from multiple accidents, couldn’t maintain my job, took a leave of absence from school, and wreaked a devastating emotional toll by shattering the trust of my friends and family.

    Miraculously, I was not arrested, did not overdose (though I came close), and was not robbed (although certainly ripped off repeatedly). About six weeks before I was confronted about the missing money, I obtained a 15-day supply of Suboxone from a chemical dependency clinic, but I shelved it, having no intention of taking it. Towards the end of the first week of April, my partner was preparing to go out of town for the weekend, and I had just been asked by my mom if I knew anything about the empty bank accounts.

    I woke up alone on April 5th, a Thursday, and began my morning ritual of taking stock of the heroin I had left, trying to negotiate with myself on how to titrate the remaining amount throughout the day. I always lost these negotiations and usually just did all of it, or the rest soon thereafter. But after I injected the last of it, I didn’t feel the slightest bit high. Instead, I wept. With only the company of my two cats (who avoided me as much as possible), I realized that I could no longer hide. I faced a crossroads: I could escalate my lies and attempt to find another hustle — knowing full well how inept I am when it comes to actual criminal behavior — or, surrender.

    I remembered the Suboxone sublingual film, and without really taking any time to talk myself out of it, I tore open the package and put the film under my tongue — realizing that if I kept it in long enough to absorb the full dose, I’d be inducing opioid withdrawal. I felt incredibly lonely and remorseful, so I begged my partner to come home from work, admitting to her what she had long known but felt powerless to help me with. Then I texted my mom, hinting to her that I was in a desperate state, and needed to spend the weekend at her home or I wouldn’t be able to “see things through.”

    Tears were pouring down my face in these moments, and I was wailing — one of the deepest emotional pits of despair I’ve ever found myself in. I’ve never found the concept of rock bottom useful. Instead of labeling that moment or attempting to explain it, I attribute my actions to grace.

    A New Perspective on an Old Idea

    I’m a wholehearted believer in the potential of psychedelics or plant medicines in recovery. I have heard first-hand tremendously powerful stories from people who have overcome their reluctance and the doubt instilled upon them by their peers, and are actively integrating the spiritual insights from their psychedelic journeys into their lives. PIR continues to meet regularly via an online meeting, twice a month, and our members gather from across whatever time zones they’re in to come together and share experience, strength, and hope with each other. We’ve formulated a list of guiding principles, meant to clarify the scope of our suggested program. I had strayed from those principles and met the predictable outcome we’re hoping to help others avoid.

    There are ongoing FDA-approved clinical trials for the use of psilocybin (the active pro-drug of psilocin, a psychedelic found in several species of mushrooms) for nicotine, cocaine, and alcohol use disorder, as well as a recently approved study in Europe looking at MDMA-assisted psychotherapy for treatment of alcohol use disorder. While these trials are aimed at treatment of an acutely manifesting substance use disorder, one of the primary guidelines for PIR is that our members should have a firmly established foundation of recovery in a primary qualifying recovery fellowship, and are actively working that program as it’s suggested.

    Recently, now just five months out from ending my relapse, I considered having a ceremony with iboga (the alkaloid-containing root bark of a shrub indigenous to western equatorial Africa), as I wanted to commemorate the one-year anniversary of my father’s death. After soliciting the feedback of my support network, none of whom gave me any advice, but instead offered honest and open perspective to help guide me in making a decision, I decided against it. Ultimately, the decision to commemorate the anniversary unaided came during several of my morning sitting meditations, a practice that has become vital to my ongoing recovery.

    Instead, friends, family, and loved ones gathered at our house on the anniversary day, and shared memories, pictures, and videos of my father.

    View the original article at thefix.com

  • Los Angeles Cracks Down On Unlicensed Pot Shops

    Los Angeles Cracks Down On Unlicensed Pot Shops

    Authorities estimate that there may be more than 200 retailers operating in Los Angeles without proper licensing.

    Misdemeanor charges were filed against more than 500 individuals in Los Angeles as part of City Attorney Mike Feuer’s campaign against unlicensed marijuana-related businesses.

    At a press conference on September 7, Feuer said that the charges were part of 120 criminal cases, and carry a possible sentence of six months in jail and fines of up to $1,000.

    Los Angeles Police Department Chief Michael Moore, who was also in attendance at the press conference, added that city prosecutors may try to seize properties that are linked to illegal marijuana businesses by civil action.

    As both KTLA-TV and High Times noted, Feuer’s office began its crackdown on unlicensed marijuana businesses in June 2018 in an attempt to align the city’s cannabis industry with the regulations established by the 2016 passage of Proposition 64 by the state of California, which legalized recreational marijuana for individuals 21 years or older. 

    When the law was implemented in 2018, the state added a number ofnew and far stricter regulations in regard to packaging, contents and testing cannabis products, which took effect on July 1, 2018.

    Products that did not comply with the new regulations were required by law to be disposed of at the business’s expense, forcing many retailers to either sell their product at deep discounts or destroy it; by some estimates, the latter was estimated at $350 million in potential cannabis sales.

    According to Feuer, the new regulations—and making sure that businesses adhere to them—are in line with what Los Angeles-based voters sought from Proposition 64.

    “[They] wanted common-sense rules to regulate recreational marijuana so public safety is protected in our neighborhoods,” he said at the press conference. “Our message is clear: if you are operating an illegal cannabis business, you will be held accountable.”

    The city has so far charged 21 individuals who have pled guilty or no contest to misdemeanor charges or infractions related to marijuana regulations. One person was reportedly sent to a diversion program, and 11 cases appear to have been dismissed.

    Authorities estimate that there may be more than 200 retailers that are operating in Los Angeles without proper licensing. “The Los Angeles Police Department will continue to assign resources, dedicate personnel to take [enforcement] action—criminal action—against unlicensed retailers, manufacturers [and] cultivators who have not followed the rules,” said Police Chief Michael Moore.

    Some in the cannabis industry have supported Feuer’s efforts. Adam Spiker, executive director of the Southern California Coalition, said that cracking down on black market retailers is beneficial for the state’s industry as a whole. “I applaud the city for doing this,” he said. “You can’t have a regulated industry without strong enforcement.”

    View the original article at thefix.com

  • How Fentanyl Changed The Opioid Crisis

    How Fentanyl Changed The Opioid Crisis

    The prevalence and potency of illicit fentanyl has changed the course of the opioid crisis for the worse. 

    While prescription painkillers were previously attributed to the most deaths in the opioid epidemic, they no longer do. Instead, the leading cause of death in this context is now illegal fentanyl, according to a recent Bloomberg editorial.

    The National Center on Health Statistics states that in 2017, illegal fentanyl played a role in 60% of opioid deaths, in comparison to 11% of opioid deaths five years ago. 

    Fentanyl was created in 1960 and was used as a treatment for cancer pain. Illicit fentanyl has become common in the black market because it can be easily manufactured in a lab. Its potency also means it can be put into very small packages that are easy to conceal. 

    “Drug labs in China fulfill online orders from American users, or from traffickers in the U.S. and Mexico who add the fentanyl to heroin and other drugs to boost their effect, or press it into phony prescription-opioid pills,” the editorial reads. 

    Because of this, the editorial states, addressing the issue of illegal fentanyl needs to be focused first on China, which U.S. law enforcement officials claim is the source of nearly all illegal fentanyl. 

    The editorial states that the Obama administration had reached out to the Chinese government to ask for help in policing producers of fentanyl. But, with the Trump administration in place, that cooperation appears to have fallen by the wayside. 

    “What’s needed is a steady and purposeful diplomatic push, along with expert support for fortifying China’s capacity to inspect and regulate its thousands of drug labs,” the editorial board writes. 

    When fentanyl is exported from China, it mainly comes through the mail to both users and dealers. While Congress has allotted Customs and Border Protection more chemical-detection equipment, it is not possible to scan all packages entering the country. 

    “The task would be easier if Congress passed pending legislation to require the U.S. Postal Service to obtain basic identifying information from senders—including the name and address of sender and a description of package contents—as private parcel services do,” the editorial board writes.

    In addition to being sold on the dark web, fentanyl can also be found on regular websites, the board says. Scott Gottlieb, commissioner of the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), has spoken out about the need for internet companies to put more effort into taking down those listings. 

    While this all has to do with the supply, the aspect of demand must also be addressed, the board says. The more than 2 million Americans struggling with opioid or heroin use disorder need access to treatment, specifically medication-assisted treatment (MAT) and behavioral therapy.

    “Fentanyl and other opioids are killing more than 130 people a day. The crisis demands a thorough, well-coordinated national response. What the White House and Congress have come up with so far falls short,” the board concludes.

    View the original article at thefix.com