The responsibility to give honestly is my job; the responsibility to take honestly is theirs and not for me to determine. I could go crazy trying to decide which homeless person is worthy and which is not. It’s one of the odd truths about life in New York City that some days a homeless person… Continue reading You Can't Keep It Unless You Give It Away
Tag: 12 step
When the Obsession Isn’t Lifted
Before, when someone with 20 years would say “it’s still a day at a time,” I couldn’t really hear them. I do now. I was a typical low-bottom case. I was drunk most days, and a car wreck, an arrest, and a liver enzyme problem couldn’t pry me from my favorite thing to do. What… Continue reading When the Obsession Isn’t Lifted
Anatomy of a Relapse
When my father died, I hadn’t been to a meeting in over a year. I had no active knowledge of how to apply healthy coping mechanisms to a devastating situation so I just went back to what I knew: opioids and numbness. Two years ago I wrote a controversial feature for The Fix, “I Take… Continue reading Anatomy of a Relapse
Depression in Recovery: Do You Have Low Dopamine Tone?
I just felt like shit and slept as much as I could. I showed up to work. I kept my commitments. I spoke when asked to, but I felt more than unhappy. I felt like I just didn’t care. (The Fix does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, nor does anything on this website create… Continue reading Depression in Recovery: Do You Have Low Dopamine Tone?
Enabling, Self-Seeking, and Recovery
Every moment there’s the possibility of falling back into self-seeking after having recovered much of our spiritual, financial, and physical health. Recently, I was accused on a community website of being an enabler. The article and discussions that followed were regarding a proposed affordable housing project in our community and how some members of the… Continue reading Enabling, Self-Seeking, and Recovery
Microaggressions: How Subconscious Biases Affect Recovery
An example of a microaggression in the recovery universe: someone from NA asks someone who’s considering Suboxone: “Are you in denial? A drug is a drug is a drug.” No malicious intent is involved, but the fellow member is left feeling disparaged. Politics and Religion: we’re encouraged to avoid these conversations, socially. Conviction can escalate… Continue reading Microaggressions: How Subconscious Biases Affect Recovery
Academics and Alcoholism
Academics too often share a simultaneous denial and pride in their alcoholism, and the profession does little to dissuade such a sentiment, even with all the attendant problems it brings, preferring to interpret self-medication as mere collegiality. I’ve heard it repeated as a recovery truism that nobody is too dumb to stop drinking, but plenty… Continue reading Academics and Alcoholism
Re-Balancing Act: How to Restore Marital Equilibrium in Recovery
Was I really at an AA meeting as I claimed, or was this the night that I—and all hope for our marriage—would vanish anew? For my wife Patricia and me, it’s been a long road to even. Ish. My wife said “I do” in April 2007 to a man who, despite depression and anxiety issues,… Continue reading Re-Balancing Act: How to Restore Marital Equilibrium in Recovery
I’m Open and Willing, Dear Sponsor, but Wait a Minute!
We know “our best thinking got us here,” but that doesn’t mean we need to be open and willing to take abuse or be manipulated. When you first came into the program, you might have heard your “best thinking got you here.” You’re told since your way hasn’t been working, maybe it’s time to try… Continue reading I’m Open and Willing, Dear Sponsor, but Wait a Minute!
Dating While (Newly) Sober
When my sponsor told me about the suggestion to not date for a year, that I should just concentrate on getting sober, I said: “I’m a really good multi-tasker.” I thought that when I got sober, I’d get into the best shape of my life, start going to the gym all the time, train for… Continue reading Dating While (Newly) Sober